Halloween Time Warp

Talk about your time warps. Sometimes it feels like the Glee years where all just an accidental mushroom-induced fever dream we all experienced together somehow. But, no, it really happened. That truly unhinged, often nonsensical, yet somehow still wildly watchable mess was real. We all watched it happen live on our televisions (pre-streaming domination, remember the must-see-TV old days). When it was fun, it was ridiculously fun. When it was bad, it was ridiculously bad. Through it all, it and fans reaction to the show, helped change the world just a little. Which, considering what an mess it was most of the time, speaks loudly to the power of show tunes and a bunch of enthusiastic and talented people singing and dancing their little damn hearts out. On this Halloween, may you channel the good, weird, truly unhinged energy of the show at its best.

Music Monday: Long October Edition

I get older, and the girl singers* of sad, sensitive lesbian music just keep getting younger. Can you believe it’s already the end of October? It’s also my birthday week, which is just another reminder of that old ticking clock. Or maybe it’s just the time of year. Like Norwegian queer singer-songwriter Girl in Red, I seem to have a thing about October. Good thing it’s almost over then, I guess. Happy Monday, kittens.

* Except the Indigo Girls. They’re eternal.

My Weekend Crush

Start the week with Alanis. End the week with Alanis. Honestly, it’s the perfect bookend for this month for me. And, truly, watching Alanis perform with all these other great female artists has been pretty neat. It’s hard to overstate how big Alanis got once this song came out 28 years ago. And it’s lovely now to see her get her due as an important and beloved performerer now all these years later. Plus, goddamn, she still sounds amazing. And why wouldn’t she? She’s Alanis fucking Morissette.

Female artists in the 90s went through mounds and mounds of (told and untold) shit just for having the audacity to be talented female musicians. The recent confirmation of the ingrained mysogny and sexism of rock ‘n’ roll’s gatekeepers like Rolling Stones honcho Jann Wenner and the extremely belated reexamination of the way young female starts like Britney Spears were treated at the height of their fame are a reminder that it’s long been a man’s world. But we’re here to remind them that female artists have always been great. And you oughta know better than to believe otherwise. Happy weekend, all.

Sapphics in Space

OK, so I hadn’t heard a peep about the new sci-fi mystery series “Beacon 23” coming to MGM+, probably because who the hell gets MGM+? But because of my enduring love for Luce the Florist, I’ll always at the very least watch and appreciate the trailers for any Lena Headey project. While I had no expectations when pressing play, three things became very clear while watching it:

1) Lena and her space-gray streaks are here to kick ass.
2) Lena and her space-gray streaks are here to kiss ladies.
3) Lena and her space-gray streaks are making me wish I got MGM+, dammit.

Now, I’m a sucker for the smart ladies in space figuring shit out, kicking ass and taking names genre, first originated by the Space GOAT Sigourney Weaver. But while Alien gave us a smart space lady with her cat, “Beacon 23” is giving us a smart space lady kissing another (I’m presuming) smart space lady. And, well, I had a pussy joke to insert here but we’re all too classy for that, right? Anyway, who has an MGM+ password they want to share, suddenly I feel flung out of space. Ahem.

Come On, Eileen

Well, well, well. I just knew, I knew, from the early talk around “Eileen” that I was going to be intrigued. But now that I’ve watched the trailer. Yeah, I’m obsessed. We’re definitely gonna be watching this. Anne Hathaway in the femme fatale role her career arch has been asking for since her days as the Princess of Genovia? Yes, very much please. A stylish, boozy, 1960s thriller set in a correctional facility with a mousy younger woman and sophisticated older woman dynamic and possible (I mean, we see it in the trailer) sweet lady kisses? Hello, obviously yes. Like Carol, but with higher stakes — and more possible bloodshed? You betcha, pass the popcorn.

I haven’t read the book this noir is based on, but the genre and its pulpy companions are always ripe for a little sapphic interlude. I don’t know if it’s more than heavy flirting (and dancing and thigh touching and at least one kiss), but I’m a sucker for this kind of movie dynamic because who doesn't love a sexy, mysterious, possibly unhinged woman? (Again, only in movieworld, not the real world. Same goes for the May-Dec trope.)

I’m just thrilled that Anne keeps picking interesting projects and showcasing the next era of her career which I am very much here for. We saw a glimpse of this Anne as the over-the-top starlet in “Ocean’s 8.” And I hope for many, many more meaty parts with sapphic under — and overtones. I especially can’t wait for her next project, “Mother Mary” with Michaela Coel, which I hope will be Anne’s WLW main course after she serves us up to this noir WLW teaser.

Echoes of Clones Past

So, I don’t know a lot about the new Orphan Black spin-off series “Orphan Black Echoes.” But what I do know is that Krysten Ritter plays the probable new head of Clone Club and Keeley Hawes plays her what appears to be her handler. I also know it is set in the future (2052) and there’s one of those classic sci-fi nightmare waking up in a tub of goo scenes. And it’s in the same universe as the original “Orphan Black.” Now, I’ve enjoyed Krysten since I recapped “Jessica Jones” which doesn’t that seem like a lifetime ago? And Keeley, well, she will always be Kitty Butler extending that rose to me. Oh, “Tipping the Velvet.” *sighs in Gen. X lesbian* I do not know how many clones there will be. I don’t even know if there will be clones. But I know I’m curious to see how Krysten will compare to the inimitable Tatiana Maslany. I’m also curious to see if any of the new characters will be gay. But then, I’m always curious about that, in TV and real life. So, ya watching? And, seriously, does anyone know what’s going on? I guess business as usual in the Orphan Black universe.

Music Monday: Pink & Alanis Edition

Pink and Alanis Morissette? Together on stage? Singing “You Oughta Know”? *SQUEALS IN GEN X LESBIAN* How amazing does Alanis sound? How amazing does Alanis look! And Pink, well, you know she always looks and sounds amazing. Also, if the generations were having a best breakup anthem competition, hands down the Reality Bites Generation would win thanks to Alanis. Still undefeated. Also for no reason in particular, last weekend would have been my fifth wedding anniversary. Anyway, thanks Alanis. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Who’d have thought a beaver would become part of Bake Off history.

Welcome to the team, Norman the Beaver! @PrueLeith #GBBO pic.twitter.com/vgWg2pHkUV

— Channel 4 (@Channel4) September 26, 2023

I just love it when my Televised Valium is back. “The Great British Bake Off,” or “The Great British Baking Show” as we have to call it in the United States, is my No. 1 comfort show. I put on a random old episode every night to fall asleep to. I just can’t get enough of these lovely, weird, hilarious, ridiculous British bakers. And, truly, no show has replicated its inherent charms. Like, I tried GBBO: The Professionals but it sucked and stressed me out. And I even gave GBBO: Kids a try, but it turns out I only like it when adults cry about their bakes. Anyway, obviously I’m Team Tasha (I was also Team Abbi, but alas) this season. But Nicky and her Dry Beaver, well, that’s going down forever in GBBO history. And there aren’t even any lesbian hosts anymore! While we’re on the topic of hosts, I very much enjoying Alison Hammond and she is a vast improvement over Matt Lucas. Vast. I just wish I could watch all 14 seasons somewhere. Netflix only has a few seasons, and none of the Mel and Sue years anymore. Some across the pond kittens need to give us poor Americans the full-series hookup. I need my Televised Valium, dammit. Happy weekend, all.

Get In, Lesbians

I’m only a casual observer of most of the Gaylor Phenomenon. But even I know that releasing a teaser trailer for the new “Mean Girls” movie musical before showings of the Taylor Swift's Eras Tour movie is a stroke of marketing genius. Like, isn’t Renee Rapp all the Gen Z queer kids’ fav? I, of course, will also be watching because Tina Fey and also TINA FEY. So, as I was saying, well played movie marketers, well played.

The Krashlyn Crash

FINALLY, some true dyke drama worthy this blog’s best and most Sapphic original intentions! Now, I am not one to revel in other people’s misery. And, believe me I know, breakups are almost always some sort of miserable. So I take no joy in the breakup of former USWNT and NWSL stars and longtime celesbian couple Ashlyn Harris and Ali Krieger. Oh, Krashlyn, Krashlyn. Like, we knew them when they were just *wink, wink* really good friends.

So, yes, their breakup after nearly 4 years of marriage (and with two children) is sad and I take no pleasure in it.

But now, here comes the dyke drama part. First, official news of their breakup dropped days before Ali’s final game in the NWSL this past Sunday, which was a huge celebration of her career. So, you know, the timing is *grimacing emoji face*

Then – because these are the same fans/stans who catalogued every single detail of the pre-out Krashlyn’s dating chronicles – rumors based on sightings started to spread that Ashlyn and Sophia (who had just two months before filed for divorce from her husband) were maybe dating. And then, today, People magazine (yep, still making headline gay news after all these years) drops the bomb that, yes, they are in fact dating.

The Lesbian Bat Signal she is strong and she works FAST.

I say all of this not to pick sides (though, I’m kinda Team Ali because who are we kidding we all pick sides). Still, I am happy to see that we have another proud toaster oven recipient in Sophia, who while I know was the focus of many a queer lady’s wishful thinkings, as all parties involved can now attest, sometimes those wishes are true.

Speaking of us all wishing and hoping the former “One Tree Hill” and “Chicago P.D.” star’s queerness into reality, did you all watch the Netflix anthology series “Easy” from a few years ago? It aired from 2016 to 2019 and I only really care about the final season (season three) and really only one of the episodes (episode 3) because that’s the queer lady one.

Anyway, it starred a pre-“The L Word: Generation Q” Jacqueline Toboni who was so much more femme in the show it now almost weirds me out now. And in Season 3, Episode 3 her character was just dumped by her girlfriend, and is then hit on HARD by her (former, so it’s OK) boss played by Sophia Bush. And, let me tell you, after watching that ONE SINGLE EPISODE OF TV I was like, Sophia Bush knows what it’s like to want to fuck a woman. I think her chemistry made my screen sizzle. So, you know, my gaydar remains undefeated. *polished gay knuckles*

Also, Jacqueline’s character was such a bonehead. I get it, breakups suck. But Sophia Bush has basically thrown herself at you. And you bounce? Yeah, that’s almost on par with Archie Panjabi not following Gillian Anderson onto the elevator in “The Fall.”

Anyway, as I was saying. I am sad that a longtime and, one would hope at least for most of the time, loving relationship has ended. But I’m also grateful for the distraction in a case where I think all three women will land securely on their feet no matter the ultimate outcome. The world is a lot. We need this dykestraction.

Mutual Bodice Ripping Hopes

Well, here I got considering watching a whole show because of a split-second of ladies kissing in the trailer. Apple TV is releasing “The Buccaneers,” a period drama/romance/girl power story inspired by Edith Wharton’s last novel by the same name. Set in 1870, the show follows a group of young New York debutantes who travel to London to find their place in high society. Yes, most of the trailer is aggressively straight. It’s got some real “Bridgerton” vibes going as well, but younger? I’m not generally a traditional period romance person (except when cooking and/or gays are involved). So, at least there is the latter in the form of trans actress Josie Totah and English actress Mia Threapleton (who just so happens to be Kate Winslet’s daughter). The cast also includes Christina Hendricks and if the show doesn’t take full advantage of the decolletage then, come on, what are we even doing here? So, gonna watch on Apple TV come Nov. 8? Let us all hope for some mutual bodice ripping in our futures.

Music Monday: Rina's Hell

You know, “This Hell” should have been a bigger hit last year. At very least it should be a favorite queer anthem that inspired a gay club country line dancing renaissance or something. I mean, come on. What more does this pansexual Japanese-British star have to do to get some damn recognition? She already trashed Taylor Swift’s trashy sexist, racist short-term boyfriend. Anyway, as a card-carrying invitee to Eternal Damnation, I say we all put on our disco boots and dance it out this devilish season. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Spooky) Crush

Well, finally, here is something actually gay this week. Since it’s Spooky Season (and Friday the 13th in OCTOBER), I will forgo my typical disdain for supernatural investigator shows because a) Everyone is Gay and b) Kristen Stewart is the executive producer. So say hello to “Living for the Dead,” the new super duper queer ghost hunting show. I admittedly kind of hate the current crop of ghost hunting series (like the dude who wears the tight T-shirts and screams at the ghosts). But this seems, I dunno, fun. Maybe it’s the season. Maybe (probably) it’s the gay. But when this debuts next week on Hulu, I’ll give these queer as folks a shot. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? Demonic possession? We already lived through a Trump presidency, how bad could it be? Happy spooky weekend, all.

What Light Through Yonder Kitchen Breaks

Juliette Binoche and cooking? I guess this really is the week for movies tailor-made just for me. “The Taste of Things” is the newest film from Binoche who I have loved since, well, it’s been a long time. I first saw her in “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” and then fell hard (for all of the leading ladies) in Krzysztof Kieślowski’s radiant “Three Colors” trilogy, “Bleu,” “White” and “Red.” A whole swoony romance (albeit straight) set around cooking — and in French? Mon dieu. I’m always a sucker for food porn. And French food porn starring Juliette Binoche may just be its highest form. Bon appetit, mes amies.

Sister Act

I guess this is the week for me to write about movies that don’t necessarily have any gay content, but have casts that this gay lady adores. So here’s another one. A while back I got all excited because Sandra Oh and Awkwafina were going to play sisters in a new comedy. If you need to know why I got excited about this movie, may I repeat the phrase, “Sandra Oh and Awkwafina play sisters.” Anyway, the trailer “Quiz Lady” has done nothing to dampen my enthusiasm (though, the wrist thing, no thank you). Instead I’m even more excited and ready to watch them hijinks it up. Seriously, two Asian-female led comedies coming (this and the uproarious “Joy Ride”) in one year? What is this, my birthday? Actually, its Hulu drop date of Nov. 4 really will be a belated birthday present. So, you know, happy birthday to me.

Which Month Matters

So I don’t think this movie is gay, but it’s from writer-director Todd Haynes (of “Carol” and “Far From Heaven” and “Velvet Goldmine” queer fame) and stars Julianne Moore (of “The Kids Are All Right” and “Chloe” and “Freeheld” queer fame) and Natalie Portman (of “Black Swan” queer fame). So…like something has to be gay in this movie, right? The story follows an actress (Natalie) who shadows the couple behind the scandalous (and, uh, illegal) May-December relationship of older woman (Julianne) and younger man (“Riverdale” star Charles Melton) in order to portray her in an upcoming film. The movie is loosely based on real-life teacher Mary Kay Letourneau and her student Vili Fualaau’s relationship/child abuse. Todd Haynes’s work is always interesting and provocative and extremely well done, and Jullianne and Natalie’s work is also often interesting and provocative and extremely well done. So, yeah, with or without gay stuff, I’m gonna Netflix and chill with this in the near future. (But, really chill — except about the fact that that’s child abuse, not a relationship.)

Music Monday: Cool Like Boygenius

Honestly, how cool is it that such an extravagantly queer supergroup of female musicians like boygenius is celebrated and embraced for said extravagant queerness. This is one of the most beautiful songs from their album “The Record,” and very much in keeping with my Breakup Weekend vibes. Take your broken heart and turn it into art, friends. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

For no reason in particular, here’s a little ditty on the one-year anniversary of my marriage breaking up. I sure miss Sinead. And other stuff. Don’t worry, I’m fine. Or fine-ish. But, truly, onward. Happy weekend, all.

Be Like Megan

You know, sometimes I think – actually, I know – that one of the reason we’re seeing such a backlash against LGBTQ+ people right now is that there’s a sadly significant number of knuckle-draggers who simply, positively, unequivocally just hate seeing us happy. They’re the ones who have used their imaginary superiority/morality over us to prop up their own inferiority for all these years. You know the types. They’re the ones screaming “Groomers!” at the top of their lungs, both past and present. And they’re the ones cravenly using us as a political wedge to hype up the pitchfork set.

With my fitful focus these days, I missed writing about Megan Rapinoe’s retirement last month. Normally, I would write about her accomplishments. Her trail blazing. Her talent. Her conviction. But today I just want to talk about her joy. Her pride, her confidence. And, yes, her love. That’s also what has made her a target for the Right Wingers. How dare she be so proud of herself? How dare any of them be proud of themselves?

But proud we are, and will always be of an icon like Megan, who was out before she became a household name. Who championed equal pay and recognition for women’s soccer and sports. Who fought racism and sexism and homophobia and transphobia in sports and the world. Who did it all on her own terms with whatever the hell (short) hair color she wanted.

I think we’re all old enough here to remember when “Be Like Mike” was the prevailing celebrity sports slogan of the era. Well, I think we should all instead try to “Be Like Megan.” Believe in yourself. Know your worth. Fight for what’s right. Kiss your longtime girlfriend in front of the universe and tell the worst among us to just to go seethe. We’re here, we’re queer, cope or get out of the way.

Into the Wilderness

Since we’re talking about gay TV movies, how about another? And we don’t have to wait all the way until almost Christmas for this one, because it will debut on Lifetime Nov. 4. Remember the days when we got maybe one Very Special Made for TV Movies about The Gays every five years or so if we were lucky? Now, well, at least there are more. I will politely not comments on their quality since, well, that’s not the point.

The other sign of clear progress is I’m about to write a sentence filled with the names of queer celebrities I barely comprehend, let alone know exist. Chrishell Stause of “Selling Sunset,” who is married to nonbinary Aussie music star G Flip, will star in a new Lifetime movie. I thought Chrishell was a real estate agent? Like I said, I’m now just a clueless Old.

The thriller, called “You’re Not Supposed to Be Here,” stars Chrishell and Diora Baird, who play a lesbian couple on their “babymoon.” I didn’t know that was a thing either, but for the film’s purposes it’s when a couple is pregnant and their boss gives them a key to his creepy cabin in the woods for a a remote mountain town getaway. But instead of relaxing in the wilderness, they get an unwelcome welcome from the townsfolks. Is it homophobia? Is it a Rosemary’s Baby situation? But, seriously, isn’t Chrishell a real estate agent?

I wasn’t totally sold on the storyline. I mean possible homophobia as a scary plot device? Hm. But then I saw that two memorable “The L Word” guest stars were also going to appear. Namely Stacey “Vagina Wig” Merkin (Heather Matarazzo) and Lisa The Lesbian Man (Devon Gummersall). So, yeah, I think that means we have to watch.

A Lot Like Christmas

It’s the first week in October, so obviously let’s talk about Christmas! Hallmark has announced its annual holiday movie bonanza and yes, Virginia, we are getting another lesbian Christmas movie. And this one features two out queer actresses as its leads in “Bomb Girls” alum Ali Liebert and queer Ginny & Georgia vet Humberly Gonzalez. And this one uses the “fake dating” premise. Yes, that old chestnut.

Per Hallmark’s description:

“Daniella (Gonzalez) has recently moved to New York to pursue an art career and decides to stay in town to share the holidays with her circle of artist friends, instead of going home to see her sweet, if overbearing parents. Amelia (Liebert) is a talented entertainment lawyer trying to stay focused on her work after a broken engagement. When Daniella and Amelia are set up by their parents, they agree to pretend that they are dating, to appease them for the holidays. However, as they spend time in ach other’s worlds, hey soon build a connection that is deeper than either of them could have hoped for.”

Yes, Christmas comes early, Queer ladies. Well, at least on Dec. 17.

Music Monday: Single Edition

Funny, I never worry about boyfriends at all either. Anyway, this song felt relevant given later this week will mark a year and all. Also, I’ve finally gotten caught up on “Only Murders in the Building” and am excited for this tomorrow’s finale. Though, make Mabel gay again, please. (And no the brief reminder there does not need to be a groom was not enough.) Or at least let her flirt with Ashley Park or something. Sheesh. Happy Monday, kittens.