Music Monday: Melissa & Juliette

It’s crazy (and brave), to think that 29 years ago Melissa Etheridge released “Come to My Window.” It was the first song to come out after Melissa herself came out as a lesbian at one of then President Bill Clinton’s inaugural balls (the gay ball, of course). And it went on to become one of her biggest hits, proving that you can still find plenty of fame and fortune being out and queer. Also, since I can’t stop talking about “Yellowjackets,” there’s also the wonderful Juliette Lewis connection. Oh, 90s. We had a time, didn’t we? Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. I do not know what is up with the pixelation in the video. But you can watch it live (without Juliette, alas) here:

My Weekend (Casting) Crush

Look, I really enjoyed “Yellowjackets.” And, as I’ve mentioned, the pitch perfect teen/adult casting for the parallel timeline story is part of that appeal. Now, if you’ve watched (and you should watch) the full first season, you are left with new, tantalizing casting questions.

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t finished the season stop reading now. Now. NOW.

Right, so, who should play Lottie Matthews? The reigning Antler Queen appears to be the Big Bad, or at very least a present-day cult leader, of the series in the finale’s shocking reveal that her minions are out there (sporting the woodsy, witchy insignia that kept popping up). Showrunner have confirmed that Adult Lottie will make an appearance in the second season. So, it’s time, which Gen. X actress should play the grown-up Courtney Eaton? Who is the 40-something Antler Queen?

Obviously, I have some suggestions.

Shannyn Sossamon

Why her? The early 2000s rom-com star has the look and the range. Her turn on former favorite “Sleepy Hollow” shows she can pull off the spooky stuff too.

Fairuza Balk

Why her? Come on, it’s Fairuza Balk! I mean, if we’re talking witchy I’d say so one is better. And crazy, come on, can that woman play crazy.

Summer Glau

Why her? A dark horse candidate, but her action and sci-fi bonafides make her an interesting choice. I mean, she was River – obviously she can play damaged yet deadly.

While we’re doing dream casting, how about we get unhealthily obsessed with who is the perfect person to play Van. The show’s resident red-haired lesbian, played as a teen by Liv Hewson (who played gay before in “Let It Snow” and is themselves gay and non-binary). Again, I have some suggestions.

Lauren Ambrose

Why her? I mean, look at her. LOOK AT HER.

Merritt Wever

Why her? If you’ve seen Merritt in literally anything before, you know why.

Alicia Witt

Why her? She was literally playing a sarcastic red-haired teen during the exact era our Yellowjackets were wandering through the forest.

So, who should be our Lottie and Van? Discuss amongst yourselves. Happy weekend, all.

Sting Like a Yellowjacket

Yellowjackets Hive, rise, RISE! So, unless you’ve been living under a rock or your plane crashed deep in the Canadian Rockies, you’ve probably heard about Showtime’s new cult-hit series “Yellowjackets.” The story of a championship high school soccer team who crash lands and then survives 19 months alone together in the wilderness is riveting to say the least. Also, there’s probably cannibalism. Think “Lord of the Flies” meets “Alive” meets “Jawbreaker/Mean Girls.”

Told in two concurrent timelines, directly after the crash and then 25 years later, the series has some of the best young actor to adult actor casting I’ve seen in quite some time. The adult cast includes a who’s who of Gen X actress excellence: Melanie Lynskey as adult Shauna, Juliette Lewis as adult Natalie, and Christina freaking Ricci as adult Misty. And their junior counterparts (Sophie Nélisse as young Shauna, Sophie Thatcher as young Natalie and Sammi Hanratty as young Misty) are no less impressive.

If you’ve watched you know the central mystery (well, mysteries) revolve around what actually happened out there in the woods. The repercussions of their survival still reverberate 25 years later. And, again, we haven’t even really gotten to the whole eating each other stuff yet.

In a way the frantic kinetic energy of “Yellowjackets” made the perfect foil to the raw pastoral calmness of “Station Eleven.” While their stories are clearly very different, their storytelling about the ending of the world — or at least the world as they knew it — both fall along Right After and Long After timelines. Both flash us to the present, while showing us how we got there. And both revolve around central female characters finding new ways to live amid unimaginable trauma.

Also, in another pleasantly unexpected parallel, Shauna from “Yellowjackets” and Kristen “Station Eleven” are perhaps the very definition of end-game Knife Girls. Like, it’d be a real competition to watch them field dress, say, a rabbit. Or an ex-lover.

The way their storytelling diverge also perfectly complements each series. “Station Eleven” is a limited series that ran just 10 episodes that told a carefully bookended apocalyptic tale about the power of art and the connections we make around it. “Yellowjackets” is a 10-episode-per-season series that has already been renewed for its sophomore turn and left us with so many tantalizing unanswered questions. Both those formats feel right. While obviously I would watch more “Station Eleven,” the symmetry of its beginning, middle and end (even through shifting timelines) feels right. Final. Whereas I can’t wait for more Yellowjackets madness, and the insane possibilities in this story.

An Open Letter to Straight White Ladies

Dear Straight White Women:

Please stop marrying and getting engaged to straight white men with reprehensible politics. Yes, I know, this is kind of your “thing.” More of you voted for Trump — both damn times — than for Hillary or Joe.

I know, white ladies, you cling to the fantasy that white dudes will somehow protect you. You appear to be laboring under the misperception that supporting those controlling all the levers of power will somehow give you special access to the power. But, my dear buttercups, it most certainly will not.

One need only look at how things are going with the ever-dwindling Constitutional right to abortion in these here United States to realize the fallacy of gender equality in America. Cis men, those in power and those without, appear all too content to let women and those who can give birth to lead the fight to keep Roe. But, hey ladies, it’s OK because your straight white man loves you and is one of the good ones.

Anyway, if the Shailene Woodley (who was “not sold” on Hillary, but will happily “agree to disagree” with her fiance/noted liar/COVID enthusiast Aaron Rodgers on politics) and Cheryl Hines (who had to clarify that her husband/anti-vax crusader/all-around nutter RFK Jr’s comparison of vaccine mandates to the Holocaust were “not a reflection of my own” opinions) of the world would just stop making excuses for their Bad Men, maybe we could get somewhere.

Yes, yes — I know some of you will say, but it’s up to these women to talk some sense into their menfolk. We’ll never get anywhere without honest debate! But I doubt that’s happening with the “agree to disagree” stance too many take when it comes to politics. This is what happens when you know no matter who wins an election, you will still have enough money to do whatever you want anyway. This is the dreaded kind of white feminism that is all window dressing.

Privilege turns politics is an esoteric exercise without too many immediate personal real-world consequences — other than the largest existential threats. Rich, privileged white women will still be able to get abortions, even if Roe is overturned. Rich, privileged white women will still be able to send their kids to the best schools, while the rest of us struggle with lunatic MAGA school boards banning non-existent CRT and the mention of race, slavery and/or anything bad white people may have done during the course of human history. And the same goes for so many other topics the GOP and Trump SCOTUS are gunning for right now. Truly, getting to not think about politics itself is a damn privilege.

In conclusion, like come on, white ladies. This really shouldn’t be that hard. In the end, if you wanna marry the RFK Jr.s and Aaron “I’m immunized” Rodgers of the world, I guess that’s your business. But we don’t have to continue thinking you care about the larger world, when who you live with shows us you certainly do not.

Sincerely,

Ms. Snarker

Is This A Joke?

You know when something makes you say, “Is this real life?” But, uh, not necessarily in a good way. Well the trailer for the new limited Peacock series “Joe v. Carole” made me do just that last weekend when it debuted. Like, this is an SNL skit, right? RIght?

Wait, I’m getting some new information. *holds finger to imaginary earpiece* Sorry, so sorry, I can in fact confirm this is real. Repeat, this is a real thing in the world that is really happening. Ok then.

Now, like every other locked down idiot at the start of the pandemic, I binged “Tiger King.” It was a stupid, trashy balm for a chaotic, fightening time. But with time it became less fun and just more grotesque. Like, people died. And big cats became the ultimate victim of these people’s endlessly destructive striving for fame, glory and capitalism.

But, dammit, if the cast isn’t sort of amazing. Kate freaking McKinnon? John Cameron Mitchell? And Kyle MacLachlan? That makes me think it might be kind of good? Or at least interesting? Perhaps campy even? I am pulling for campy hard because otherwise *oooof*.

Music Monday: Brandi & Miley

Sometimes I just marvel that, some 14 years ago when we queer ladies first discovered her music, Brandi Carlile was just an indie singer-songwriter with a great voice and a penchant for vests. Heck, that was even before she came out. And now, here she is, she’s on primetime TV playing New Year’s Eve with Miley Cyrus as an out married lesbian mother with six Grammy Awards. What can I say, gay ladies have great taste. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Like probably a lot of you, I watched the new “Matrix” movie over the holidays. And, I liked it. I really did. It straddled the line between nostalgia and innovation, while furthering its narrative about becoming the person you were meant to be. In the end it was an introspective and well-made (if not always entirely joyful) return to a universe that for better and too often much worse has been co-opted by the very people it hopes to enlighten. You know, all the red pill bullshit of the worst parts of the Internet. My favorite character, as with the original trilogy, was of course Trinity. I mean, I’m a queer woman and I have eyes. Duh. I’ve loved Carrie-Anne Moss ever since too. That hair cut and all that skin-tight black PVC makes an impression. The twist of turning her empowered, endlessly kickass character into a literal soccer mom (and naming her, horrors, Tiffany), was deliciously cruel. But even if the reboot doesn’t pack the visual wham-bam of the original movie, I will be endlessly grateful to it for bringing my favorite character back to life. And, in doing so, reminding us all you can’t keep an iconic female character down – or at very least you shouldn’t. Happy weekend, all.

Happy End of the World

“Station Eleven” is the pandemic show for people like me who swore they’d never watch a pandemic show. Beautiful, thoughtful, hopeful. Living amid our current crisis has made me loathe some of the global disaster movies I once loved. “Contagion?” No, I’m good. “Outbreak?” Are you kidding me? “World War Z?” If this ever really happened we now know some people would actually run toward the zombies.

What sets the HBO Max limited series (based on the bestselling novel of the same name) apart is what it focuses on while the world ends. It’s not the gore or the destruction it cares about, though the story’s flu annihilates indiscriminately. Nor is it about the mechanics of survival or our apocalyptic innovations, though we see plenty of clever adaptations in action.

No, what “Station Eleven” instead asks is what keeps us human. How, in the face of the loss of essentially everything, do we still find joy? Its answer, told along parallel times lines at the start of the pandemic and 20 years after the pandemic, is simple. We need community. And we need art.

What if, at the end of everything, art is all that is left? Art reminds us who we are and were. Art reveals what we love and cherish. Art inspires and transports.

There’s a reason so many of us have spent the pandemic binging entertainment, from movies to TV and more. Stories sustain us. It’s as much an escape as it is an education, at times helping us understand ourselves in ways we never expected.

The characters in “Station Eleven” are sustained by their communities and the art they share together. I think one of the reasons we all feel so depleted and depressed by the current state of the world is that our sense of community, of shared purpose, has been shattered. What kind of community won’t even put a piece of cloth to protect each other? What kind of community thinks science is the enemy? What kind of community profits off of stirring hate and division? A broken one, obviously.

In telling its quiet, unhurried story about survivorship, it shows us a way to heal a broken world. “Station Eleven” reminds us of the best of humanity instead of our all-too-apparent shortcomings. In doing so, it helps the world make sense again – at least for a little while.

OK, So You're Gay

Well, you don’t get more Lesbo Street Cred bonafide than being directed by two women married to each other and written by a longtime writer for Ellen DeGeneres. The new film “Am I OK?” brings Very Gay credential (directed by out stars Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allynne and written by Ellen alum Lauren Pomerantz) and therefore Very High expectations as it prepares for its Sundance Film Festival debut next week online (the festival is virtual because, duh, pandemic). It stars Dakota Johnson as Lucy and Sonoya Mizuno as Jane, two lifelong best friends who are on the cusp of being more than just best friends when one decides to move away to London.

Per Variety, the synopsis tells us:

When Jane announces she’s moving from L.A. to London for a job, Lucy reveals a deeply buried, long-held secret. As Jane tries to help Lucy sort through old patterns and new feelings, their bond is thrown into chaos.

We all know long-buried secrets between best friends are either a) I love you and want to make out, or b) I slept with your high school boyfriend, got pregnant behind your back and now we’re stuck in the Canadian wilderness together. As the latter is pretty singularly specific (Rise, Yellowjackets Hive, rise!), I feel confident in thinking it’s the former.

Now you probably know Dakota from those horrid “50 Shades” movies, which truly were so bad. But, hey, even the daughter of two extremely famous celebrities needs to make a living. Mizuno, meanwhile, has been in a number of projects from “Ex Machina” to “Crazy Rich Asians” and “Maniac” to “Devs.” This will be Tig and Stephanie’s feature film directorial debut - both singularly and as a couple. And the story kind of follows Stephanie’s own story, coming out later in life and falling for Tig (who also has a small role in the film along with fellow queer artists Sean Hayes and Kiersey Clemons). Anyway, let them explain it together. And, you know, bring The Gay. We deserve it.

Lesbian Night Live

Out Golden Globe winner and Tony nominated star Ariana DeBose came onto “Saturday Night Live” this weekend and queered up the place. Like her and out SNL star Kate McKinnon truly gayed up the joint. I haven’t seen “West Side Story” yet (which recently won her the Globe for portraying Anita). But I did see her as one half of the lesbian couple in the film adaptation of “The Prom.” So, you know, lesbo street cred signed and notarized.

But, I realized while watching her queer things up with Kate in the monologue and later a “Sappho” sketch, how rare it still is to see two actually lesbian or queer actresses play lesbian or queer characters together. Another more recent welcome exception to the rule is watching Cynthia Nixon and Sara Ramirez gay it up together on “And Just Like That…”

Something about that little, seemingly improvised fist-pump that these two out queer women shared as Ariana sang “Pretty and witty and gayyyy,” felt like a joyful celebration of our queer lady selves. And then, later in the show, the “Sappho” sketch hit on so many community specific in-jokes. Indeed, what made it so funny is it wasn’t that lesbians were the butt of the joke, but that the relatable relationship foibles of lesbian relationships were universally funny. It’s that whole laughing at or with you thing, and we were all definitely laughing together.

Music Monday: Ronnie Says

We’ve had a bad run of losses lately. And I’m not even talking about the pandemic. Some true icons have left us with only their enduring greatness in their wake. Betty. bell. Joan. Sidney. And now Ronnie. Depending on your age, you experience Ronnie Spector differently. But whether it’s with The Ronettes or her collaborations with the abusive Phil Spector or that Eddie Money song or “Moonlighting” or “Dirty Dancing,” well, you know her voice and her music and her soul. “Be My Baby” is one of those instantly evocative songs that sounds as great now as it did when it was released in 1963. Just like Ronnie says, folks. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Forever Weekend Crush

Oh, Betty. She would have been 100 on Monday. May we all live our lives in such a way that if we die at 99 people will still say it’s too soon. Luckily, everything nice thing that should have been said has likely already been said about Betty White. Universally beloved doesn’t even cover it. And the best part is, I’m pretty sure she knew how much she was adored - and rightfully so. More than a trailblazer. More than a comic genius. More than a sweet, smart, saucy broad. More than a national treasure. More than a cultural icon. Just a woman named Betty who for seven decades felt like the best part of our families. Like your favorite grandma or that aunt who told amazing dirty jokes. I sure hope she and the rest of the Golden Girls are just sharing the best cheesecake ever somewhere. Plus, Betty believed in our unalienable right to just stay home and lez. Thanks for all the laughs, Betty. Happy weekend, all.

Lotus Plaza

Our collective crush on Aubrey Plaza is about to go into overdrive. The “Happiest Season” scene/heart stealer and “Parks & Rec” alum is joining the second season of the HBO Max dark comedy “White Lotus.” Which means I’m now definitely watching the second season of the HBO Max dark comedy “White Lotus.”

For those who haven’t watched, the satirical series from Mike White centers around a luxury boutique hotel in Hawaii and its obscenely privileged guests. I watched the whole first season because, well, I’ve watched a lot of stuff because we’re in a damn pandemic and that’s how we pass the time. And also it was good, if as mentioned rather dark. And, in the end, mostly what I took away from it is that The Rich are a scourge on this Earth.

I wasn’t sure about watching a second season because, like, I get it. Rich people, man. But with Aubrey coming on board I feel like I’m required to watch. She plays a “woman on vacation with her husband and his friends.” Oh, did I mention her character’s name is Harper? Yes, I know, you’re getting “Happiest Season” flashbacks right about now. Like we all liked Riley over Harper. Duh. So is this some kind of ultimate payback?

Not too much else is known about the new season except Aubrey and “Sopranos” alum Michael Imperioli are the first named cast to the anthological series. The new season also won’t be in Hawaii, as the show takes advantage of the “around the world” aspect to the boutique hotel chain. But no doubt the guests will be awful.

I found the first season a little depressing because, again, I known rich people are the worst. So I hope Aubrey makes it all worth it.

Gay Like That

And just like that, Miranda is pretty gay now. Sorry I know that’s a spoiler. But we’ve obviously been speculating since that first trailer dropped and our collective gaydar went wild. Granted, I guessed the wrong person. But having the queer in real life Cynthia Nixon and the queer in real life Sara Ramirez hook up on screen is undeniably exciting, even if the series itself has been sort of a downer. And I’m not even talking about all the credible accusations of sexual assault against Mr. Big — though honestly now I’m thrilled they killed him off.

Miranda’s queer awakening is welcome, but also confusing. The original series gave her ample, AMPLE, opportunities to realize her sexual orientation. Indeed in “Sex and the City’s” very first season, it’s addressed in the third episode when Miranda is mistaken for a gay by her law firm’s senior partner. I mean, she even gets fixed up with a real lesbian named Syd and there’s softball. And they even kiss in the elevator. But, in the end despite the short hair she was still firmly on Team Hetero.

I guess time does change all things. Like Miranda’s entire personality, self confidence and sexual orientation.

Again, don’t get me wrong, I am always happy to have more queer characters because — say it with me — representation matters. And it’s good to have representation of people coming out later in life. All of that is great and positive and I hope someone sees themselves in her experiences.

But making Miranda a bit of a clueless Karen whose every other word is cringe worthy? Yeah, come on, we all know that’s Charlotte’s role.

Anyway, I’m obviously going to continue watching to see where this all goes. And, again, I am happy the SATC universe is now more LGBTQ+ inclusive. And, clearly, Sara Ramirez is always welcome on my screen anytime. But overall the series so far has been a series of downer observations about growing older and losing touch. But I still have residual fondness for all of these characters. So, yeah, I want to see where they take this. Though, I could maybe do without the weird washed out fantasy sequences. And, just a thought, maybe next time let’s not juxtapose the queer sex scene with Carrie literally wetting the bed.

p.s. I also would like to note the “finger” line was kind of hilarious in its cluelessness. Because, a) fingers, and b) Yeah, they sure can.

The Strong One

If you haven’t watched “Encanto” yet on Disney+ you should probably drop everything you’re doing and watch “Encanto” on Disney+. Not only is Disney’s latest animated feature a fun, colorful, diverse and surprisingly deep look at dysfunctional familial dynamics, it’s soundtrack is filled with absolute bangers. In fact, the movie’s soundtrack just bounced Adele, yes – freakin’ Adele, off the top spot on the Billboard 100. My favorite song is, of course, “Surface Pressure.” This eldest daughter, and anyone who has ever felt like “The Responsible One” in the family, can certainly relate. And, uh, is it OK to think an animated character is, um, hot? Because watching gifs of Luisa lift heavy things is kind of what’s getting me through the week.

Music Monday: Fletcher & Hayley Edition

In my never-ending effort to queer the universe, here are lesbian pop hotties Fletcher and Hayley Kiyoko teaming up to break the lesbian internet with “Cherry.” Honestly, if someone told me when I was a teenager there’d be so many wlw pop songs to shake my ass to when I was an adult I would have told them they were at the very least crazy. But here we are, with lesbian pop stars feeding each other cherries in music videos. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

What’s a gal got to do to get some travelling thermometer action around here? It’s starting to feel almost illegal to announce a release date for Season 2 of “Gentleman Jack.” Despite being finished with filming in October, we’re still waiting and waiting. It seems practically forever ago since we last saw Anne and Ann tie the knot after that wind-swept mountaintop proposal. I mean, it was forever ago — the show finished its first season in June 2019. That was in The Before Times. But what I wouldn’t give to return to the genteel and not-so genteel Yorkshire countryside. I won’t even complain about Anne’s hair… that much. Well, until the powers that be deem to grace us with the Season 2 premiere date, please enjoy 7 uninterrupted minutes of Anne Lister/Suranne Jones being one smooth operator. Now, that’s one charming gentleman I can’t wait to see again this year. Happy weekend, all.

Sting like a Yellowjacket

Now I know “Yellowjackets” technically started in 2021. The Showtime series debuted in late November, and has been unspooling episodes on Showtime ever since, with the finale set to air later in January. But in the crush of the end of the year, I didn’t have a chance to watch and I might have been saving it up to stream on a long winter’s night. Well, those nights have arrived and it’s time.

I’ve heard from a few critics who swear if this show was on a popular streamer like Netflix or Hulu it would be all people were talking about. The premise alone is amazing. A team of all-star high school soccer players flying to a tournament has their plane crash into the Canadian wilderness and aren’t rescued for almost a full year. We’re talking some serious “Lord of the Flies” meets Donner Party meets “Midsommar” vibes.

Now, 25 years later, the grown-up girls are still dealing with the repercussions of their struggle for survival. Did I mention it starts Christina Ricci, Juliette Lewis and Melanie Lynskey as the grown-up versions of the girls? Yeah, I know, what have I been waiting for? Obviously, I was just saving it up for a better year. So, fingers crossed on both counts.

Get Cara-ed Away

I don’t know what to think of Cara Delevingne, really, other than she’s basically the real-life celebrity Shane – but with better hair and more eyebrows. But I am intrigued that she will be joining the Season 2 cast of “Only Murders in the Building,” the Hulu series starring the unexpectedly excellent trio of Selena Gomez, Steve Martin and Martin Short. It’s like who knew that if you put the world’s ultimate dad jokesters and a cool disaffected millennial together in an urbane setting with a dash of murder that they would have such great chemistry and produce such a smart, silly and even at times surprisingly sentimental show? Anyway, Cara’s new character, who will be a series regular, is described as “Alice, a sophisticated art world insider who becomes enmeshed in the mystery.” So all I’m hearing is that there is a good chance Alice will associate with Gomez’s Mabel, and there’s also a good chance Alice will be gay. So, that here is one more thing to be hopeful for in 2022. Now, bring on Season 2.

The End of Eve

So, are they gonna do it this final season or what? “Killing Eve” remains one of my favorite shows, in so small part because of the magnificent chemistry between Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer. Add in globe-trotting, espionage, intrigue, accents, fashion and an all-female parade of showrunners (started off by the inimitable Phoebe Waller-Bridge) and honestly what’s not to like? So I am looking very much forward to this its final season. I hope they do Eve and Villanelle proud this final season. What started as a cat-and-house game has turned into an unstoppable love story of sorts. I am not holding out hope for a happy ending. It’s called “Killing Eve,” after all. But I sure hope it’s a wild ride to the finish – and gay, make it gay.

Music Monday: Rainbow Connection

I’ve decided to start off 2022 with things I am unabashedly looking forward to. After the year (well, two years) we’ve all hard, sometimes it’s hard to find hope. But this crazy world keeps on spinning, and we’re doing our best to spin along. So here’s the first thing I am genuinely looking forward to in 2022. My wife and I have tickets to see Kacey Musgraves with special guests MUNA and King Princess. This will be our first concert since the pandemic started. We bought tickets over the summer, months and months ago, back when we thought there’d be no way this infernal panini would still be fucking up our lives in February. Surely, we’re safe making plans for then right? Right. But, regardless, I’m thrilled to see Kacey, et al. And I hope this year brings you all Rainbow Connections beyond your wildest dreams. We’re all due for some unabashed gay joy. Happy Monday and 2022, kittens.