My Weekend Crush

Yes, Pride Month is truly over. But we can still bask in the afterglow. And that afterglow includes allies. So instead of celebrating 250 years of this country’s way, way (way, way, way) too slow journey toward that more perfect union, how about we celebrate allyship. So thank you, A’ja Wilson for not only being the greatest player in the WNBA right now, but for also being the GOAT of allies to the LGBTQ+ community. Last month she continued the tradition of bringing in a gay cake, or gayke as she calls it, for her queer teammates during Pride. This is truly the only Let Them Eat Cake I approve of in this day and age. Also, how funny was her reaction be being used on the promo for Pride Night with the Aces? Thanks for being a great ally, A’ja. Keep ‘em coming. Also I went to my first Valkyries game last weekend, so I am feeling the W right now. Hard. Even the straight allies. Happy weekend, all.

Selling Something

As long as we’re talking shit, WITHIN THE FAMILY, can we talk about Ellen DeGeneres hawking her skincare line on infomercials now? Because, when I think of Ellen, I think of wrinkle-fighting systems! But, seriously, what happened to all her talk show money? Did she max out with that “cottage” in the Cotswolds for her and Portia?

Look, one of the clearest recession indicators out there is that celebrities are selling all kinds of random shit these days. The most egregious, of course, is that Goopy Lady hawking those multi-million dollar Israeli luxury apartments while that country’s government continues to brutalize Gaza. Like, she truly earned the nickname Gwynocide with blissfully tone deaf lines like, “Waking up for a morning run can be brutal!”

I mean, by that metric Ellen’s Kind Science skincare line is only minorly cringe, and not ignoring a genocide cringe. Still, I have grown to really resent products that happily feed into our Beauty Industrial Complex – a multi-billion dollar industry that makes even more money the worse we feel about ourselves and things like, oh I don’t know, natural aging. Also, I see Ellen is also still trying to capitalize on the whole “I’m the Kind One” stuff. Which is, um, interesting.

Now, lest you think I’m just picking on a The Formerly Great Panted One, plenty of straight white men are also lapping lustily from the Late Stage Capitalism trough. John Cena and Walton Goggins seem to be in a commercial arms race to see who can sell out the most. They’re both the spokesmen for not one, not two, but THREE brands each right now (Hefty trash bags, Nature’s Own bread and Chime banking for Cena and Walmart, GoDaddy and Google Goggles for Goggins).

Look, I will always be thankful to Ellen for coming out when she did. Someone has to be the first and she paid a price for many years for being a pioneer. But that also doesn’t absolve her of the claims of creating a toxic work environment on her subsequent talk show.

While I get it, it’s hard out there – even, I guess, for rich and famous celebrities. So I try not to shame folks for getting that bag. But people who are already much more well off than the average person going this hard for capitalism? Makes me long for the “Lost in Translation” days where movie stars had to travel to foreign countries to make some extra scratch on the side, lest they be called a corporate shill. All I’m saying is if one more person tries to sell me wrinkle cream, I’m getting out the “Shame” bell.

Not Krashlyn, Still

So, now that it’s no longer Pride, can we talk a little shit? Like, are Ashlyn Harris and Sophia Bush (a.k.a. Not Krashlyn) having a run of bad publicity or what? First, Ashlyn gets a questionably deserved documentary made about her the *checks notes* backup goalkeeper for the 2015 and 2019 World Cup teams. Granted, they won, but they pick that lesbian above the other lesbians? And then Sophia is revealed on the creepy Dialog membership list, associated with *checks notes* uber creepy racist billionaire creep Peter Thiel. She insists she only went to two conferences and it wasn’t creepy. Anyway, just saying. They say all publicity is good publicity? But have they met judgmental sapphics? Because *low whistles in lesbian* Also, what are those outfits? Hey, it’s July – wlw critique is allowed again.