Strong Women in Film, Literally

I guess this is the week where I sound off on movies coming soon. And I’ve gone from hatred, to begrudging respect to hot damn imma see this the first weekend I can. Continuing the new sapphic cinema trend of Be Gay, Do Crimes (hello, Drive-Away Dolls), is “Love Lies Bleeding.” Kristen Stewart talked about the movie and her motivation behind it at length in her Rolling Stone cover story. But each passing trailer gets me more excited to see what kind of murderous muscled mayhem KStew and Katy O'Brian can get up together.

Now, it’s not just the murderous muscled mayhem I’m here for. Make no mistake, I’m here for the gay murderous muscled mayhem I’m totally here for. Films about queer female relationships rarely let us see the destructive, clothes-ripping kind of lust that seems to be at the center of “Love Lies Bleeding.” And even if this is part of some hallucinatory fever-dream, can we just marvel at the unicorn-level queerness of this?

And then the Hulk-smash hotness of this?

Hello. Look, I’m in this for the story as much as anything. But, like I said, I am also sometimes deeply, deeply shallow. And this movie, well it just might satisfy both my brain and, well, other parts.

Run to Cate's Border

From a movie I’m definitely not seeing to a movie I probably will see in spite of myself for one very specific reason. And I am sure you already know the reason. Say hello to “Borderlands,” the latest dystopian video game turned major motion picture but this time starring Cate Blanchett with a hot pink alternative lifestyle wig and a Han Solo hip holster. So, clearly, I am in.

I am in despite the prominent pee and poop jokes in the trailer. Having Jamie Lee Curtis and Ariana Greenblatt (the daughter in “Barbie” and younger version of “Ahsoka”) in the cast helps. As do the briefest of trailer appearances by “Bound” legend Gina Gershon and “The L Word” alum Janina Gavankar.

So, fine, yes – I will be watching this Mad Max-meets space western shoot ‘em up. And not only because Cate looks like this.

And this.

And this.

I mean, mostly, but not the only reason. Look, we can’t always be deep. Sometimes it’s just fun to be deeply, deeply shallow.

Chasing French Girl

Well, it’s been a bit since I posted a good, old-fashioned hate post. But I feel the new Zach Braff movie “French Girl” truly fits the occasion. Now, at first you might think, but it also stars Evelyne Brochu, and Evelyne Brochu is lovely. Yes, she is. But it’s a shame she’s stuck in a biphonic rom-com cliched mess. Pop the question before she switches teams? Yikes, Chasing Amy called from 1997 and it wants its jokes back. Also Vanessa Hudgens as the scheming, sexy bi romantic rival trying sneakily to get her ex back? Please, Evelyne would have never left Vanessa in the first place. Obviously. Anyway, it’s easy to see where the film wants our sympathies to lie (Poor Man, he’s out of his depth and unable to compete with the sexy, conniving bisexual!). Yawn. Like if you’re going to introduce a sexy queer ex, at least make it so you not-so-secretly root for her to win the girl “Happiest Season”-style. Or, I don't know, make the French Girl in question the star and one we care about. Not the dude. Never that dude.

Music Monday: Renee Redux

Fine! FINE! Fiiiiiine! I can’t stop singing this song. Can a gay girl get an amen? If this earworm refuses to let you go either, well, just relax into it and accept your fate. It’s not her fault after all. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

We should probably talk about that Rolling Stone cover by Kristen Stewart. Since its release last week, right wingers have already had all of the aneurysms about its overly queer aesthetic (A woman! In a jock strap! With her hand…!) Kristen has already reveled in said conservative hyperventilating, and generally a jolly gay time was had by all (who aren’t conservative asshats).

But what I really think that Rolling Stone cover is perhaps this generation’s “Yep, I’m Gay” Time magazine cover. Sure, it might not have the same overall cultural impact. But to queers in her age bracket? Maybe. Here she is intentionally, unapologetically doing “The Gayest Thing You’ve Ever Seen in Your Life.” And here she is, intentionally, unapologetically and thoughtfully discussing her gay identity and gender norms and what it has been like for her in Hollywood and what she wants to do next. (Though, man, I wish the interviewer had asked her about “Happiest Season,” her one bonafide queer role to date. Alas.)

Still Kristen Stewart’s nonchalant “I'm, like, so gay, dude” coming out during her SNL monologue typified a generational shift where we didn't need to announce things on magazine covers anymore. Yet here she is, again intentionally and unapologetically reminding people on a magazine cover. I dig it. I also love that she’s reading Jeanette Winterson. Same, girl, do you need to borrow any of her books?

It’s all interesting, all very gay. Give the whole thing a read (Internet Archive version here in case you hit that Rolling Stones paywall). And in the end, I think the takeaway is no one gets to define who Kristen Stewart is, not as a queer person not as an artist not as a celebrity, but Kristen Stewart. As it should be. Happy gayest weekend you’ve ever seen in your life, all. (Or at least a darn good one.)

Slow Drive

Now that is how you play the long game. The production of the new lesbian road trip comedy “Drive-Away Dolls” lasted 17 years. Yes, you read that right. In the time it took this film to go from pre-production, back in 2007 when it was still called “Drive-Away Dykes,” to finished product about to be released this Friday is almost long enough to produce a whole adult person who can vote. But here we are, all these years later.

I should probably back up. Back in 2007, when Barack Obama George W Bush was still president, ahem – the story was cooked up by one-half of the Cohen brothers, Ethan, and his wife Tricia Cooke. She recently came out as a lesbian (though identified as a lesbian even before marrying Ethan), but they remain together while both maintaining other partners. Anyway, she wanted to be able to make queer movies, and well that’s how “Drive-Away Dykes” (it’s original name) was born. Back then Selma Blair and Holly Hunter were bandied about as possible leads.

Flash forward 17 years later, and Margaret Qualley (“Maid”) and Geraldine Viswanathan (“Blockers”) are leads, playing lesbian best friends who embark on a road trip where to say hijinks ensues would probably be an understatement. Beanie Feldstein stars as Margaret’s recent ex, who is also a cop (which my best guess is the role Holly would have otherwise played). And the movie also stars Colman Domingo, Pedro Pascal, Matt Damon and also maybe a hallucination of Miley Cyrus?

Yeah, I don’t know why I’m just hearing about this movie again this week. The publicity department somewhere has fallen down on the job. Like, I’m even a member of GALECA, you gotta tip the gays off at least. And, can we talk about the serious lack of gay agenda in that trailer? Is this like the whole musicals hiding the fact that they’re musicals thing again, but with gay movies?

Anyway, this looks fun, like a lot of fun. It gives off the same, slightly unhinged vibe as “Bottoms,” where finally lesbian characters are more than just their coming out stories and instead are part of all movie genres because, again, we are everywhere and also quite funny. See you at the cineplex, lesbians.

Good Night Country

So, I hope you’ve had a chance to watch the season finale of “True Detective: Night County” because hot damn do I want to talk about it. The series, while leaving some things purposefully ambiguous, stuck the landing as far as I’m concerned. No, it wasn’t perfect. But goodness was it satisfying.

The fourth season of the anthology series was no doubt deeply gratifying for its intended audience. And I should know, because I am exactly that intended audience. A viewer who loves complex mystery narratives, but is bored by the genre’s tendency to mythologize its Complicated/Suffering Men.

“Night Country” can best be read as a photo negative of the original “True Detective” a decade ago. That series was unapologetically all about its dual male leads, a male creator and male sensibilities (and self importance, ahem). So you can see why its fanboys might feel as if the new season is a huge departure with its dual female leads, female creator and similarly unapologetic female narratives. But, you know what fellas? We’re more than half the world’s population. You can watch one season about us, it won’t kill you. Probably.

Season 4 creator Issa Lopez defly straddled the line between the sensible and the supernatural, leaving it up to us how we want to interpret everything we’ve seen. To guide our journey to whatever truth might be out there are Arctic Mulder/Scully archetypes in believer Navarro (Kali Reis) and skeptic Danvers (Jodie Foster). But the truth about Night Country is not all questions have an answer – just like in real life.

Now, as is so tiresomely always the case, not everyone is thrilled about this shift to female-centered storytelling. Chief among the whiny men brigade is series creator Nic Pizzolatto, who spent last weekend reposting (and then deleting) post after post from his fanboys criticizing the new season of the anthology series (and, naturally, stroking his own ego and other parts).

It should be noted that Pizzolatto was not involved in any of the creative decisions in “Night Country.” And given what I’d read about him behind the scenes from his former glory days of Season 1, I continue to feel entirely justified in skipping his seasons. What can I say, thin-skinned pseudo-intellectual macho posturing just isn’t my thing. I’ll let Kali have the last word (and then some) because, um, you’ve seen what Kali looks like, right? I’ve also seen what Pizzolatto looks like, and that ain’t a fair fight – for him, obviously. Damn, girl.

🙄😐 That’s a damn shame…but hey I guess “if you don’t have anything good to share, shit on others” is the new wave 🤷🏽‍♀️ lol https://t.co/4EOvu0oPSu

— Kali Reis (@KO_Reis86) February 20, 2024

SPOILERS FOR THE SEASON FINALE AHEAD

Now that we all know how Annie K’s murder ties into the deaths of the male researchers at the Alaskan outpost, the show’s take on frontier justice feels at once familiar and invigorating. Vengeance stories are nothing new for men. There’s a whole comic named Punisher, after all. But female vengeance stories, they’re so fertile given the millennia of injustices at the hands of, you guessed it, men we have to draw from. So that was a real, fuck yeah moment for me when watching the finale.

The other fuck yeah moment was the very, very end. That last image. The one people keep calling “ambiguous,” but I read as 100% stone-cold gay. That’s unequivocally Navarro appearing on Danver’s lake house deck. My interpretation is she came back, like Danvers said, from the Ice and they’re now living their best lives together. But it’s still just as gay if you read it as Navarro’s ghost coming back to visit – and not haunt – Danvers in a tranquil, romantic setting. Like, I don’t know if this is one of those cases of the straight world reading queer women through history as “just roommates” or “best gal pals.” But there is an unquestionably gay reading to the final scene which fulfills the unspoken promise of a series where both leads looked SO DAMN GAY the whole time. Like, even the most oblivious straight people must recognize Jodie and Kali’s aesthetics as capital L Lesbian, right?

So, thoughts, theories? Honestly, even if I didn’t love the series it’d be worthwhile to have this female-fronted version because it makes all the right people mad. Luckily, I also loved the series. I mean, you get that many talented women together, how could you not? We’re watching, and we’re awake.

Netflix & FiveEva

I am so thrilled that “Girls5Eva” is returning for a third season, and on Netflix no less. I’m thrilled that more people are going to get a chance to finally discover this show (because who are we kidding, most people don’t have Peacock). Because I’m sure as soon as people watch this wonderfully ridiculous, wildly funny show (especially people who can still vividly remember the early 2000s) they’ll be hooked. I mean Sara Bareilles, Renée Elise Goldsberry, Busy Philipps and Paula Pell alone together on a show is great. But all of them together in a show from the team behind “30 Rock” (hey, Tina Fey, hey) is a maximum jokes per minute guffaw fest. And there's a lesbian in it (thanks, Paula). I know I plan to rewatch the whole series, and the new season, once it hits Netflix. Gonna be streaming, 5Eva starting March 14.

Music Monday: The Beaches

So because I’m on TikTok too damn much, I’m well acquainted with this song. Our Canadian friends up north are, of course, already well acquainted with The Beaches. The all-female indie rock group features at least one (I think, help me out Canucks) queer member in guitarist Leandra Earl. This song is apparently inspired by her recent ex which, could you imagine if someone wrote such a killer hook about you? No wonder rock stars get all the chicks. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Wicked) Crush

OK! Fine! I’m excited! I’m gay, I can’t help it! I don’t know why, but I wasn’t super excited for the film adaptation of Wicked. (Wait, I know why, Ariana Grande – which is probably unfair but the truth.) That is, I wasn’t super excited until I saw the trailer during the Super Bowl. Yes, I know, advertising works.

I love how the world is at once so familiar and also brand new in all its gleaming fantasticalness. This is definitely not Kansas anymore. While you can’t truly judge based on just 1-minute of footage, what I see so far seems like a worthy successor (well, predecessor) to the merry old land of Oz.

Also, how great does Cynthia Erivo look in Elphaba green? I love everything about her look, especially her glasses. And that reveal of her gravity defying high note? Entirely her own, and entirely amazing. It is thrilling to have a queer star in such an iconic role. Heck, I even think Ariana looks good. So, I guess I’m just gonna be over here impatiently tapping my ruby slippers until Thanksgiving. What? I’m not named Dorothy for nothing. Happy Wicked weekend, all.

Second Vigil

I’m going to start calling “Vigil” that show that does its darndest to keep Suranne Jones and Rose Leslie apart. Or at least, it looks like Season 2 has them apart again from the previews I’ve seen. But I don’t know for sure. Though at least they appear to be on land this time instead of under the sea. Also, how many military cases do the Scottish police involve themselves in? Do they need to open a Special Military Unit to go with their new Marine Homicide Unit (see what I did there, cross-pollinated my UK crime procedurals)?

Other things I don’t know about the new season? Why Rose’s DS Longacre is pregnant – and apparently very pregnant. If her and Suranne’s DCI Silva are back together. (You can go ahead and spoil me on that point if you’ve watched already. It’ll help me set my expectations.) But I do hope Rose and Suranne at least have more screen time together, and not just in flashbacks. Either way, guess I’ll find out soon enough because the second season starts streaming today on Peacock. Yes, I know, go check to see if you get Peacock. And if you don’t, well, Gentleman Jack is still streaming on Max. Happy watching.

Happy Galentine's Every Day

I know it was “officially” yesterday. But as a single gal I like to spread the Gospel of Galentine’s all year long. Also as a gay gal every day is basically Galentine’s. Watching this reminded me how lovely “Parks and Recreation” was and that maybe it’s time for a rewatch. During the Orange Stain’s administration I couldn’t because the show’s underlying optimism about the possibilities of public service (however ridiculous and hilarious) was too difficult to watch. I don’t know if it’s the best idea to restart now during another (sure to be) infernal election year featuring the very same stain on humanity. But maybe it’ll be a nice reminder. Good things are possible. Even on Valentine’s Day. May Cupid be gentle to you and your best gals today, kittens.

Super Sellers

Yes, yes. I watched/snacked my way through the Super Bowl. Like everyone did. It was, after all, the most watched TV program in the history of television. (Thanks, Taylor.) And, yes, yes, I saw all the ads. While I basically enjoyed the whole Super Bowl extravaganza (despite rooting for the Niners - sorry, Taylor), I have to say with a few days perspective the whole thing has left me with a bit of a hangover. No, not from anything I consumed. Just from the conspicuous and existential consumption the whole spectacle has come to represent.

I mean, any TV show that a significant percentage of people tune into specifically for the advertisements is starting in a bizarro world of consumption. And while celebrity stunt casting is nothing new in Super Bowl ads, the sheer volume of famous people willing to hawk basically anything and everything (cell service, facial moisturizer, auto insurance, literally mayonnaise) was a little shocking.

Like, Patrick Stewart, you were in a gazillion Star Trek movies and shows, but you have to pretend to throw a cartoon child for a streaming service? And Arnold Schwarzenegger, you were the freaking governor of California! Come on, Tina Fey, I literally just paid almost $300 to see you live. Martin Fucking Scorsese? Is everyone broke? I mean, I get it, get paid or whatever. But, is there ever just enough for anyone?

Plus, the trend of packing an ever-increasing number of random celebrities into commercials together (Is that Glenn Close? Oh, Pete Davidson again.) continues unabated. May this star-stuffing trend reaches its zenith soon before we’re all subjected to some 21st Generation “We Are the World” singalong for an athletic shoe brand. Honestly, there were so many celebrities in ads that they basically all blended together. Which is kind of hilarious because the whole point of paying these folks is to stand out from the crowd and instead it’s just one big blurry crowd.

But, hey, it’s their $7 million to spend, I guess. Oh, yeah, that’s right. Each of those 30-second ads cost $7 million. I’ll try not to spiral too much while I think about what good could be done with $7 million that would last a whole lot more than 30 seconds for a whole lot more people.

Also, don’t get me started on all the Jesus ads, particularly the Jesus Feet ads from those anti-LGBTQ+, anti-abortion backers. And that RFK Jr. ad, well, that anti-vax loon is no Jack Kennedy - that’s for damn sure.

Look, I’m as susceptible to the bread and circus of late-stage capitalism as the next person. And, again, I totally watched and generally enjoyed the Super Bowl. I also ate, and generally enjoyed, a plate of chicken wings. But, I can’t help but think we all need some spiritual (but definitely not in the Jesus Feet way) Tums to deal with the queasy feelings brought forth by our annual spectacle of conspicuous consumption.

Still, if we’re all gonna over-consume, I want equal representation! So while this Super Bowl wasn’t overtly gay in any way (sorry, Gaylors), we did have some famous family score tickets like Lady Gaga and Janelle Monae and Queen Latifah and Ice Spice. Sorry, fellas, looks like you really only got Tim Cook. Guess all the interesting gay boys were doing something else.

As far as queer representation in the ads, we had a lesbian couple in VW’s “Here’s Our History (Just Not the Nazi stuff)” ad. And Kate McKinnon loves her mayo. And Aubrey Plaza does the Dew (with Ron Swanson on a dragon which, yeah, OK, that extra celebrity cameo made me laugh). And Dan Levy tried to use reverse psychology to make us go to Homes.com, I think. I didn’t really get the point of his ads — was it to make a generally extremely likable famous person seem unlikable, because that’s what I got out of them.

And, finally, there was Jennifer Beals. Actually, two Super Bowl ads this year referenced Jennifer’s iconic Flashdance dance (we all know the one, cue the water). The first was the animated one for Nerds, which then featured an influencer whose name I can’t remember as its celeb cameo. And then there was the T-Mobile ad with Jason Mamoa, the dudes from Scrubs and a surprise cameo by Jennifer and a garden hose. (See what I was saying about increasingly random celebrity cameos in ads?) Granted, I loved having a little Bette Porter representation during the Big Game. But, alas, the endless consumerism (in Vegas, no less) made me want to go find a quiet place to think it all over. Or, at the very least, find a moment to myself where no one was trying to sell me a single thing. Unless, that is, Jennifer wants to come over with her garden hose.

Music Monday: Forever Tracy

If you hadn’t noticed, Tracy Chapman is having a bit of a moment. Since her Grammy performance with Luke Combs on “Fast Car,” so many think pieces have been thunked onto the internet about what it all means. It’s healing America’s racial/political divide! It’s about hope! It’s about despair! It’s about cars! It’s about the impossibility of reaching escape velocity in a capitalist society intent on exploiting its most vulnerable populations for the further enrichment of the already obscenely rich! (You know that last one is true.)

Through all of this I just want to marvel at the fact that a queer activist folk singer, which is what Tracy has always been, is being celebrated by basically everyone some 35 years after her first appearance in our cultural conscience. And despite leading an overwhelmingly private life, especially in the last 15 years, she remains such a powerful force that everyone was again overwhelmed by her talent and grateful that she chose to share it with us again. Also, to be deeply superficial, holy shit she looked so beautiful. Revolutions are hot, pass it on. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Wynonna Crush

*unintelligible gurgling noises*

If perchance you didn’t hear all the joyous lesbian squealing yesterday afternoon, you might have missed the news. But just like you can’t keep a good bad Revenant down, you can’t keep a beloved Wynonna Earp canceled. Yep, our favorite heir to a generational curse is returning for a 90-minute special on Tubi. Yes, I hear the delayed squealing now.

Series Creator/Executive Producer/Mother of Unicorns Emily Andras announced the news in a Vanity Fair exclusive yesterday, and before you ask yes all of your favs will be back. Melanie Scrofano/Wynonna, Dom Provost-Chalkley and Katherine Barrell/WayHaught and Tim Rozon/Doc are returning for to face off with a “revenge-driven female villain” in “Wynonna Earp: Vengeance.” We get WayHaught AND a female villain? Be still my heart.

The action will pick up “some time after” we last saw them embark on their own happily ever afters. Per Emily:

“Doc and Wynonna have been on an adventure, and Waverly and Nicole have been at home in [the Earp hometown of] Purgatory, doing their thing. I think it’s going to be really interesting to see, hopefully, what gets everybody home—maybe facing a challenge they’ve never faced before, something pretty intense. It’s all your favorite—hopefully—character moments, but also a little bit about growing up and sort of, like, being who you are now and earning all your choices.”

They will apparently start filming “soon,” and the special will premiere later this year. THIS YEAR, Earpers. THIS YEAR! Well, at least one good thing will come out of 2024 then. So there’s that.

Now, I know, we’re all frantically trying to figure out if we get Tubi - which we should because it’s a free ad-supported streamer. I can’t wait to strap back in with this wild crew. Earpers remain undefeated as the hardest fighting fans in fandom. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: boygrammys Edition

I know I’ve talked a lot about the Grammys this week. But, truly, how amazing would it be as a little baby gay to see boygenius and their adorable little suits and their amazing big wins at the Grammys to culminate a frankly magical queer year. And they got to snuggle with Taylor Swift! Heck, they look like her prom dates. Seriously, who cares who wins the Super Bowl this Sunday. Boygenius already won the Life Bowl. Seeing all the queer winners this year is a reminder that representation always matters. And, if you’re going to represent, may I also remind everyone that queers look fucking fabulous in suits always.

Good Night, Country

Yep, I’m still into this show. Yep, I’m also disappointed that the past beef between Jodie Foster’s Danvers and Kali Reis’s Navarro has seemingly nothing to do with a lesbians lover’s quarrel. Like, who are we kidding? This is 2023. Even straight people read Navarro and Danvers as uber queer. I mean, Chief D could still be a real fuck boy (and, you know, bit of an asshole) if she was queer - plus it would just make more sense. But we did at least get the reveal that Navarro used to, at least some point in the past, date girls. Well, according to Danvers. So, you know, here's hoping. And they’re keeping things interesting and spooky (and increasingly spookier) and without any standard-issue macho posturing. At least there’s that. Plus, who can resist the opening theme? Between the prospect of Navarro (possibly) going back to girls, Danvers’s queer daughter and using “Bury a Friend” by newly minted queer icon (and Grammy winner) Billie Eilish, I will take whatever gay wins we can get from this show. (But, again, make it gay, you cowards.) And this song, yeah, now that’s how you do interesting and spooky...and gay.

Now That's Entertainment

Look, I never watch the Grammys. I never watch because the Grammy are usually pretty terrible. Like I watched the year Steely Dan won everything, I know what can happen. But this year’s Grammys were….good. They were just really, really good. Entertaining. Moving. Surprising. MOVING SOME MORE. I mean Tracy and Annie and Joni alone made the evening iconic and a queer Gen X lady’s widest dreams. But there was also Oprah and Beyonce and Taylor and Celine, and Mariah and Mylie and Meryl. MERLY Freaking STREEP.

And do you know why this Grammy telecast was so very good for so very long this time? For the first hour and a half it featured literally all female performers or female winners (yes, Luke, but I already said I’m not cranky with him anymore). Maybe I’m just excited I knew (and liked) most of this year’s artists instead of just squinting at my screen and saying who? And I love that Taylor winning Album of the Year will make the crazy MAGAs even crazier. Don’t worry, she’ll still be able to skydive into the Super Bowl to endorse Biden and then fly off on a unicorn to turn all children gay, fellas. Keep investing in all that red string to connect all your amazing theories!

Speaking of things that make the MAGAs crazy, the gays did so well. Boygenius won three Grammys. Victoria Monet won Best New Artist. Mylie won Solo Pop Performance and Record of the Year. Billie Eilish won Song of the Year. Gaylors are still hyperventilating because, hello, a whole album about tortured poets?

I think another reason this year’s show felt so good was it truly did showcase so many ridiculously talented stars. They’re artists and entertainers and superstars for a reason. Like who didn’t get goose bumps at Annie Lennox’s stunning “Nothing Compares 2 U” tribute to Sinead O’Connor. With Wendy and Lisa (the duo that was part of Prince's Revolution) as her backing band no less. Her raised fist “Artists for ceasefire! Peace in the world!” at the end was perhaps the most appropriate way to honor Sinead’s memory and activism. Powerful.

And then Joni Mitchell making her Grammy stage DEBUT at age 80 and spellbinding an audience filled with people a quarter of her age? With Brandi, of course. Masterful.

And just Tracy Chapman. TRACY CHAPMAN.

And to think I almost didn’t watch.

Music Monday: Just Tracy

Tracy Chapman and Luke Combs - Fast Car#GRAMMYs pic.twitter.com/WWztcov2tJ

— Craig R. Brittain (@RealBrittain) February 5, 2024

Just, please, enjoy. Life gives us so few perfect moments. I’m not even cranky with Luke Combs anymore because his cover gave us this. Here is Tracy Chapman returning to the Grammy stage where she won Best New Artist 35 years ago to receive the undying adulation she so richly deserved but has always been so reluctant to seek. Not only is her voice still just as stunning, she looks…like there aren’t enough slow whistles in the world. That dimple. That silver streak. Like I said, perfect. Honestly, almost the entire Grammy show was excellent. But today isn’t about that. That’s for tomorrow. Today is to just, please, enjoy. Happy Monday, kittens.

[Backup embed because everyone needs to catch this performance. Everyone.]

My Weekend Crush

So, here’s the thing about going to see your heroes…YOU SHOULD DO IT! I had a great time going to Tina Fey & Amy Poehler’s Restless Leg Tour and highly recommend the experience for anyone thinking about checking out the show when it slides into your town. The show was split up into sections. If you plan to go and don’t want to be spoiled, stop reading now and go buy your ticket and have a really lovely weekend. If not, please continue and I will tell you the tale of when a Gen X queer lady saw her two favorite Gen X heroines (And — to steal a line from Liz Lemon — by heroine, I mean lady heroes. I don’t want to inject them and listen to jazz…)

First, Tina and Amy come out in evening gowns. Sparkly, sparkly evening gowns. Tina called Amy her “TV husband” and honestly I think she stole that from me since she is my Fake TV/Film Wife, but fine. I understand art is collaborative. Then, they asked the audience for some cues and told the story of how they met more than 30 years ago in Chicago via improv. Tina wore overalls. A dildo was involved in our story, so suggest accordingly if you go.

Over the course of the show they also brought out the Weekend Update desk (with a surprise cameo from Fed Armisen), came out for individual stand-up sets and then took (written) questions from the crowd in their pajamas. Yes, kittens, I have seen Tina Fey in her pajamas. Please respect my privacy in this time of great emotional upheaval.

Tina’s description of the crowd and vibe in this Fallon clip are, of course, incredibly accurate. Though I didn't see any HomeGoods bags in the audience, I’m pretty sure a few of my fellow audience members had them in their trunks. Anyway, this post is also a reminder to myself to go see the “Mean Girls” movie which I haven’t yet for lying around and rotting throughout January reasons. But, now that I’ve successfully taken myself to Tina & Amy’s show, (and it is no longer January) anything seems possible. Fine, not anything, but I did manage to go to one of their 7:30 p.m. shows (instead of the 4 p.m. show right before). So, that’s at least something to feel smug about. Happy weekend, all.

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Lesbian Mayonnaise

As someone who still dabbles in pop culture commentary despite all too often feeling like a relic from the paleolithic era, I find the current trend of celebrity spokes-everything to be rather revealing. Today’s A, B, C, D and really every other letter of the alphabet celebrities (if you play any phone app games, you will be well familiar with those “every other letter” celebs from their incessant in-app ads…) are more than happy to hawk just about anything. Weird cell phone games, crypto, online betting, cell phone plans, cars, pharmaceuticals, coffee and, yes, mayonnaise. I have absolutely no quarrel with Kate McKinnon schilling for Hellmans (we call it Best Foods here on the West/Best Coast, thank you very much) in this upcoming Super Bowl ad. Plus, this ad is actually funny and helps perpetuate Lesbian Cat Lady stereotypes which I approve/relate to very much.

But in the 20 years since “Lost in Translation” was released, the entire premise of the movie has been eradicated from our popular culture. Big celebs used to think it was slumming to do commercials. There was a whole cottage industry of the biggest celebs going overseas so their selling out couldn’t be seen by American audiences. Sure, maybe they’d take a perfume ad around the holidays or some luxury brand endorsement. But to show up in ads for sandwich condiments and instant coffee and car insurance? Heck there are even celebrity cameos in celebrity commercials (hello, Pete Davidson.) In the end, capitalism seems to always win. But at least the cat is cute.