Fried Green Memories

Did you know “Fried Green Tomatoes” is now on Netflix? Because it sure as well is. So please, please go rewatch the movie with some of the absolutely best lesbian flirting scenes (The bee charmer! The food fight! The kiss on the lake banks!) that completely went over straight people’s heads. Because if you don’t explicitly call them queer in the movie, they’re just very good lady friend roommate types who are raising a child together and also killed an abusive ex, as best gal pals do! Also, legit, this is one of the last major American movies to address menopause, and it came out 33 years ago. So, I don’t know, could we be due another one — and maybe add some spelled out “These Are Lesbians” characters for the slow people in the back. Ahem.

Some Tuesday

Well, it is Tuesday after all. And we’ve almost made it through another January. The start of the year always gets me in my existential feelings. Something about the restart of the calendar sits heavier with each passing year. Typically, it means a bit of the doldrums as I navigate through winter’s grasp. So for whatever reason this trailer about a mother-daughter and a talking parrot/Harbinger of Death just hit. The film by first-time feature director Daina Oniunas-Pusic received solid reviews for her debut at Telluride last year. So I plan to watch this whenever it comes out with a tub of ice cream and a crate of Kleenex. And, good news, at least we know it won’t be released in January.

p.s. I promise I’ll share the fun from last weekend seeing Tina & Amy a little later. Promise, promise. (But in a less tragic way, I also promise.)

Music Monday: Thirsty Melissa

Well, I was feeling nostalgic on this last Monday of the first month of the New Year. Almost through January already, almost. While everyone knows “Come to My Window” as Melissa’s big coming out song, it remains truly astonishing that mainstream American didn’t can’t on sooner. I mean, “Bring Me Some Water” was released in 1988. And Melissa looked like that. I mean, look at her! Yet it took another five years, until 1993 with Melissa’s inaugural coming out, for Straight America to be like, “Ohhh, right.” Anyway, this song remains a banger. And that bolo tie is just, never change, Melissa. Never change.

My Weekend Crush

I went to there. Back Monday.

The Newest Last Leads

Because of the weird annual sputter restart that is the New Year (see: Dreaded January Doldrums above), I’m a little behind with this news. But that makes it no less exciting. “The Last of Us” has cast two key female stars for its much anticipated (and much anxiety making, man that show is stressful), second season, Namely, they’ve cast Abby, who if you played the game know is a key protagonist (though, um, antagonist for Joel) in the “The Last of Us: Part II.” And they’ve cast Dina (a.k.a. Ellie’s girlfriend on TLOU: II). The series has named Kaitlyn Dever (from “Book Smart” and “Unbelievable”) as Abby and Isabela Merced (from “Let it Snow,” but one of the straight storylines) as Dina.

Having not played the video games, and while trying to maintain relative unspoiled status for what will happen in the second season, I don’t have a ton of insight into these casting choices other than to say I think they’re both good. Kaitlyn (who it always astounds me has also spent like ten seasons on “Last Man Standing”) is very talented and capable of convening the most complicated of emotions without words through just the vulnerability of her face. Yes, Kaitlyn might have to work on her guns a little. But I have every faith in her ability kick future ass. As for Isabela, well, to be extremely superficial she makes an extremely cute couple with Bella Ramsey. Get it, Ellie. So, any of you play the games? Thoughts on these castings?

Own Kind of Wednesday Weirdness

As long as I’m sharing SNL stuff this week, how about this skit from late last year that made me literally LOL because of how very much Emma Stone goes for it. The intentional weirdness yet unwavering accuracy of Emma’s every move here. As a person who at times can spent an ungoddessly amount of time disassociating from the universe on TikTok, I can say this is exactly how poor Mama Cass’s “Make Your Own Kind of Music” has been embraced by pop culture today. Anyway, if you, like me, have hardcore hit the Dreaded January Doldrums, I hope Emma’s wiliness to go full feral and commit to this bit brighten your day a bit more.

Good Rapp

OK, fine. FINE! I get it, I finally get it. I – in a mostly age-appropriate way – get the whole Renee Rapp thing now. Yes, again, she is a young youth. But I see why the Gen. Z gay girlies go wild now. Because, like that whole bikini as top/little cropped jacket thing, made me almost swallow my own tongue. In a respectful(ish) way! Right, anyway, I feel like her SNL musical debut was a real cross-generational moment of understanding among queer women. I mean, who could resist this “little lesbian intern” energy? Also, we see (and love) you O.G. Regina George/Rachel McAdams. How about a “Disobedience 2”? Just a thought.

And, of course, Megan Thee Stallion’s cameo certainly helped. Also, oh to be a lesbian fly on the wall when Megan, Renee and Cara Delevingne got to whatever super Sapphic after party they were cleared all headed to together here – respectfully.

Music Monday: G Flippin

Admittedly, all I know about G Flip is that they're married to someone from “Selling Sunset”/Lifetime movies, neither of which I’ve watched. But their gender flipped (see what we did there?) version of Taylor Swift’s “Cruel Summer” is making me want to know more. And it also solidified my belief that drummers are hot. I mean, who can’t appreciate a musician with great rhythm? Also, you’re welcome for the January tank top a day early. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (TV) Crush

Hot damn (or cold damn, given the context), I am already really into “True Detective: Night Country.” I mean, I’m a fan of most things Jodie Foster does. But when you give her a badge and sic her on a truly terrifying case, well, the lambs are screaming — for joy in my heart. I’ve been excited for Night Country since it was first announced, and my impatience only grew as the great reviews kept rolling in. But now, after just one episode, I’m already pretty sure it’ll be one of my favorite watches of 2024, less than 20 days into this new year.

Why? Well, I already mentioned Jodie in a uniform, and that stern but always smart air of authority she carries. Also, it appears her daughter (or step daughter, or minor female child she is guardian for — they haven’t made that 100% clear yet, but there’s some tragic backstory coming clearly) is queer. That’s now two female detective shows I watch with lesbian daughters for those keeping score. (You should watch “Annika” too, totally different show, but also built around a very smart, very capable woman.)

But back to what makes Night Country so good. Jodie, teamed with the equally magnetic Kali Reis (who is a relative newcomer to acting, but obviously not smoldering) make a compelling team despite their obvious on-screen loathing for one another. And there’s even another notable role for Fiona Shaw, who appears to be a rugged individualist who sees dead people (instead of, say, a calculating assassin wrangler/international powerbroker/happily ever after killer).

Still not convinced? Well, there’s the show’s female writer-director Issa Lopez, highlighting of the plight of indigenous women and has two female stars as lead for the first time in the acclaimed HBO/Max anthology crime show’s history. Oh, and there’s some spooky, supernaturally vibes, too. And a one-eyed polar bear. And soooo many hats and parkas. As I was saying, you should probably just watch. I know I can’t wait until Sunday. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Awards Edition

While it hasn’t been a particularly surprising award season so far (yes, we get it, you liked Beef, Bears and the movie about The Bomb), it has been a pretty season to behold. Many of the best and brightest or at very least most photogenic among us have decided to go the Gender Fuck route and wear snappy suits to the various red carpet outings. And, as always, I am here for it. In fact, if we don’t get at least a few major suits at the Oscars I will riot. (Kidding, I won’t riot. There’s too much real shit happening that deserves rioting - sadly.) Anyway, keep up the good suits, you gorgeous actor types.

Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall

Truly, exactly what I’d expect Megan and Graham to look like together 25 years later. (Yes, I’m sorry to inform you, it’s been 25 years since “But I’m a Cheerleader.)

Bella Ramsey

Bella’s suit game has been STRONG all season, and they have only just begun their red carpet career. So many more suits to come.

Ayo Edebiri

It’s hard to call someone so cool the “darling” of the award season, but she is definitely my darling and I’ve only seen her in “Bottoms.” Speaking of which, did anyone clock the little suit she’s wearing - in white. Ahem!

America Ferrera

Suddenly I have the strongest wish to see America as Ken. Because in that tux she’s more than Kenough. Much more.

Meryl Streep & Greta Gerwig

Little Women, but they wear suits through the whole thing. What? I can’t have innovative IP ideas as well?

Amanda Seyfried & Meryl Streep

Or, hear me out, The Devil Wear Prada but Miranda only wear Prada suits and sunglasses. Amanda approves, clearly.

BONUS Someone on Twitter called them boygenius and honestly, yeah. I’d definitely buy a ticket.

More Like Gay-mmys

Hey, the delayed Emmys were pretty cool. At least they didn’t have a host who blamed the writers for bombing. Also, some fairly gay stuff happened. Also, I guess this really means I should start watching “The Bear.” Also, fine, yes I know I already featured Tina and Amy. But they almost look like they might kiss here and I have an active imagination.

1) In an evening of pretty good speeches, Niecy Nash-Betts gave the nights most impassioned and most empowering speech. Also did you see her wife, Jessica Betts, escort her up to the Emmy steps? Hot.

2) Pedro Pascal brought his sister, trans actress and activist Lux Pascal, as his date because fuck the right wing persecution of trans existence.

3) Bringing a sister was a trend, as Aubrey Plaza brought hers too. Also very resourceful of her to wear her hotel mending kit as a dress. More reason Abby should have picked her instead of Harper.

4) Don’t fear drag queens, give them Emmys. So sayeth Ru, amen.

5) Like, I mean, the show was so gay they gave GLAAD an award. And you’d better believe I loved seeing Wilson Cruz standing on stage because his LGBTQ+ advocacy throughout his entire career has been so very Rickie Vasquez of him.

6) Fine, there’s nothing gay about Amy Poehler and Natasha Lyonne. But, dammit if there shouldn’t be.

7) While we’re wishing for things, how about a women of a certain (awesome) age lesbian rom-com starring Jennifer Coolidge and Lorraine Bracco? I mean, Jennifer already thanked us “evil gays,” so you know the built-in fanbase is ready. Think of it, Stifler’s Mom and Mama Rizzoli. Make it so, evil gays!

8) Speaking of lesbian rom-coms, I would also watch this movie. Hannah Waddingham and Ariana DeBose could totally do the thing.

9) While there was nothing gay about these two moments either I just thought they were wonderful passing of the torches/trophies from different generations of female comedy geniuses to another.

10) Jodie Foster. Yeah, any time she shows up and throws on a suit jacket I’m gonna notice. Obviously.

Live, from the Emmys

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler perform an #SNL skit to present the #Emmy for Outstanding Live Variety Special pic.twitter.com/yUdFUzTkkM

— The Hollywood Reporter (@THR) January 16, 2024

Look, I will have more to say about the Emmys (and this whole award season, really) later this week. but for now, I just want to go to there*.

* And I will! I see them live in 11 days!

Music Monday: ABBA-solutely Hilarious

OK, OK. One last guaranteed mood lifter from this past holiday season. Truly, if you don’t at very least giggle at Kate McKinnon, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph and Bowen Yang trying not to break while singing ABBA into each other’s faces you may need to seek medical help. Also, this album is a great option for belated Christmas gifts for those mothers and/or their gay sons you forgot about in December. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Mean Girls) Crush

Well, today is the day. The day a whole new generation of gay gals falls for Regina George/Renee Rapp. I include myself in this group — but in the opposite, older direction. So I am looking forward to appreciating the Gen Z lesbian appeal of Ms. Rapp on the big screen, respectfully of course. But we all know I already have much appeal for My Fake TV/Movie/Broadway Wife Tina Fey. And now that she’s got the blue vest back on *bites lip* Yeah, fetch happened already. Happy Mean Girls watching weekend, all.

Purrfect Pairing

You know what else helps those January Doldrums? Gay Cat Ladies, duh. In case you missed it amid the holiday hustle and bustle, here is Kate McKinnon and Billie Eilish as the latest Whiskers R We cat rescue workers/long-lost mother-daughter. And, obviously, the apple and fashion sense and sexual orientation doesn’t fall far from the tree. Favorite Outfit: Embroidered floral T-shirts! Favorite movie: “Tar” starring Lydia Tar! Celeb Crush: Mariska Hargitay! Yep, they’re Mother-Daughter Gay…played by actual gays. You love to see it.

Regime & Roll

Still can’t shake the January Doldrums? Well, why not look forward to March when we can all luxuriate in Kate Winslet being the European Authoritarian of our wildest dreams/nightmares in “The Regime.” Granted, there’s enough creeping (or, in TFG’s case, sprinting) toward fascism in real life. But if anyone can make it at least enjoyable to watch, it’s Kate. I mean those cheekbones were made to slice up her enemies. Also, hello Martha Plimpton. I’ve loved you since Goonies.

This Is Not a Quiz, Lady

Well, the January Doldrums officially start this week (I mean, if they haven’t started for you already). So how about some kooky fun? Do you want to watch two skilled comedic actors ham it up in a feel-good story about sisters and being smart and somehow also dognapping? Of course you do. Like, you had me at Sandra Oh and Awkwafina play sisters. I am loving this recent trend of kinda off-the-wall comedies featuring Asian casts. (See: “Joy Ride” and the one that started it all “Everything Everywhere All At Once”). Also, and this has nothing to do with the movie’s quality but is another reason to love it, this thing is the perfect length. One hour and 39 minutes. Not everything needs to be two-or-three hours. Gimme that 99-minute movie and let us continue on with our lives, even if that just means blissfully rotting away watching even more movies to combat those January Doldrums. Not everything needs to be “Oppenheimer” length, even Oppenheimer. Anyway, watch “Quiz Lady,” it’s fun.

Music Monday: Winter Song Edition

Yep, it’s that time of year again. May you find your harbinger of light this winter season. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Anne Hathaway? More like Anne Hotalways! Sorry, I’ll see myself out. But, seriously, Anne has never been hotter. She continues to prove the universe’s point that us women only get hotter in our 40s. And if you’re looking to see her at her absolute most magnetic, may I suggest you run don’t walk to “Eileen.” She plays the new psychologist at a boy’s prison who swoops in the set the world of titular character Eileen’s (played by the also excellent Thomasin McKenzie) on fire. You know, along with most of the pants of the people watching – respectfully, of course. If you’re looking for a psychological thriller with two powerhouse female leads with a somewhat ambiguous degree of mutual attraction, may I highly highly suggest you check out “Eileen.” (Not that there’s anything wrong with “May December” – other than the whole it was child abuse thing. But I am not pitting female-fronted projects against each other. Watch them both!) Anyway, as I was saying, Anne Hathaway has never been hotter.

p.s. But don’t take my word for it. Listen to Emily Blunt.

Emily Blunt gay panicking over Anne Hathaway in Eileen for over a minute:

“You're so SEXY in this movie it's crazy, SO sexy in the movie! And I couldn't figure out 'Do I want to be with her or be her?' It was so deliciously deceptive, I always find you so magnetic.” pic.twitter.com/ASNg4LgtVq

— best of emily blunt (@badpostblunt) December 6, 2023

True Jodie

Here is something else to look forward to this year. In just 10 days we’ll get to watch Jodie Foster get her ice-cold (quite literally) detective on. I haven’t really watched any of the “True Detective” anthology – until now. Because until now they were largely men’s detective stories. So many, many men. But now, with Jodie and co-star Kali Reis, the series has two female leads for the first time, and also a lot of parkas. Not that those two are related, just an observation.

As a longtime member of the Jodie Foster Fan Club (hello, My First Weekend Crush), I am thrilled to see her enter a new, creative on-screen era. I was worried we’d seen the last of her in front of the camera in favor for her directing work. But now after “Nyad” and “Night Country,” I cannot wait to see what she does next. And also watch this, I cannot wait to watch this. (Though, given the parka quotient, I am guessing we will not be treated to those abs again. Shame. But, as I was saying, more reason to be excited about Jodie's future.)

Be Gay, Do Crimes The Movie

Look, I didn’t have “Watch Kristen Stewart and Her Muscle Mommy Do Gay Crimes” on my 2024 to do list before this either. But now, well, it’s basically my top resolution. Like, how can you not want to watch KStew and her mullet and Katy O’Brian and her muscles make out and fuck shit up together in their tank tops. Also, Ed Harris looks insane and Jena Malone is apparently in this thing too which is awesome because Jenna Malone is awesome. Seriously, do more gay films, Jenna. And, carry on with the so gay, Kristen.

Music Tuesday: No More Dog Days

Look, there is nothing that says you can’t pump yourself up for the New Year with TWO days of inspirational music by women, right? Of course there isn’t. I can almost hear the horses now.

Music Monday: Unstoppable New Year

I’m going to try a little of this manifesting stuff. In 2024, I will be unstoppable. Let’s all be unstoppable in 2024. Happy Monday, kittens.