Pre-L: Quiet Before the Storm (S3E9)

Well, seems this show about a letter has learned its lesson from Dana and will no longer kill off even moderately liked characters. (No comment on Jenny Schecter.) So Rosie O’Donnell isn’t dead, not on screen or in real life, and last week wasn’t the finale, not on screen or in real life. Apologies again for last week’s confusion, I blame it on post-holiday malaise and/or generalized life bullshit. This week’s episode starts with an unmistakable troll, showing us a hospital corridor and giving us all a tad of PTSD in the process. I see what you did there, show. Thank the Sapphic gods they didn’t play “You Are My Sunshine” over the scene, too. But there’s still one episode after this, so no non-death kudos just yet. But at least Bette & Tina are alive and well.

As always, MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD. BIG. HUUUGE. So if you don’t want to know, don’t scroll. But you know you want to know. That’s why you’re here.

1. Honestly, I would watch a whole show about a middle-aged lesbian couple that takes in a stray gay youth who then becomes their House Boi. Seriously, get on that whatever streamer won’t cancel shows with lesbian content after one season.

2. Me, when I’m eating my healthy New Year’s resolution meals.

3. TiBette Supermoms is also a show I’d watch, like “The Fosters” but less about the annoying teenagers.

4. I get it, Shane. I also bought a pinky ring over the holidays thinking it would fix my whole life.

5. Alice remains a relatable queen, showing friends 200 photos of her cat with no plans of ever stopping.

6. Isn’t it crazy it took this many seasons to get a couple where both women had haircuts like this?

7. Ugh, can we just skip through the Alice being canceled storyline? After Lydia Tar, is there really anything left to say on the matter?

8. Modern queer relationships are 90% just sending each other TikToks, often while in the same room together snuggling.

9. Fine, Bisexual Evel Knievel is also a show I’d watch. Look, I’d watch a lot of shows.

10. First the candy in her purse. Then these glasses. Is Bette entering her Meemaw Era?

11. Classic Alice hijinks is classic.

12. Oh, Angie. Baby girl. No, baby girl. No.

13. Lesbian couples in their PJs binging “Grey’s Anatomy” is the representation we need and deserve.

14. End of game.

15. Oh, Tess. Baby girl. Also, sadly, no.

16. I mean, we all knew this was going to happen. Luckily we still love a woman in a uniform.

Scrap Cap:

I mean, there were literal and figurative fireworks, so how could I not?