My Weekend Crush

She may be the Mistress of the Dark, but Elvira is now also officially a member of Team Rainbow. If you spent time in front of your television late-night during the 80s or 90s you no doubt encountered Elvira with her jet-black beehive and her snowy ample bosom. Like, I’m not a horror fanatic or anything, but something (ahem) was always so appealing about Elvira.

Now, after decades of camping it up the performer has come out in her new memoir, “Yours Cruelly, Elvira.” Elvira, whose real name is Cassandra Peterson, has opened up about her 19-year ongoing relationship with a woman. The woman in question, Teresa “T” Wierson, was a personal trainer when the two met. And, well, the rest is history.

Now, in this world of instant Pavlovian comings out to that Doja Cat chime, one might think — 19 years, what took you so long? But, wee TikTok lesbians, the world was very, very different in the early 80s. And it was still very, very different in the early 2000s around the time Cassandra and Teresa met. Keep in mind, Ellen’s “Yep, I’m gay” didn’t happen until 1997, and she nearly lost her whole career over it. Marriage equality for LGBTQ+ America is only six years old. Workplace equality for LGBTQ+ Americans is just a year old. The bad old days are so much closer than you think (and, don’t forget, a whole political party is still trying to take away those hard-earned rights).

Considering Cassandra/Elvira’s target audience — horny, sleep-deprived teens and men — you can perhaps understand the reluctance to come out earlier. Also, at 70, she belongs to another era of Hollywood. Consider a contemporary like Holland Taylor — who has also had a rich, decades-long career — and didn’t come out until like 5 or six years ago. And she didn’t have the pressure of maintaining a rabidly heterosexual male fanbase for her livelihood. In the end, we should all come out when we’re ready, not when the world thinks we should be ready.

The important thing is that she did, and you’ve gotta believe she feels lighter getting to now live openly and honestly in public. Because no matter how many friends and family know, letting the whole world know and repeating it with each new person — well, that’s different. Once we come out, we never stop coming out. But instead of being a scary, vulnerable new proposition each time, it becomes affirming.

So welcome, Mistress of the Dark. In lieu of the traditional toaster oven, may we send you a witches caldron instead, Elvira? Happy weekend, all.

p.s. For those dying to see her hot fitness trainer girlfriend, your wish is my command.