Late Night Ladies

More good news and lesbian worlds colliding, one of the biggest hits out of Sundance this year is “Late Night.” The movie stars Emma Thompson and is penned by Mindy Kaling and directed by Nisha Ganatra. What makes this of gay lady interest besides Emma’s presence (because Emma is always of gay lady interest) is director Nisha Ganatra. Those old enough to remember back to 1999 will no doubt have fond memories of her 1999 feature debut “Chutney Popcorn.” The cross-cultural family comedy-drama starred Nisha as a young Indian-American lesbian who agrees to be a surrogate for her straight sister while dealing with her parents traditional views. Oh, and she was also clever enough to cast Jill Hennessy has her girlfriend.



So, needless to say, I can’t wait to see what this amazing trio comes up with. And, with any luck, there’s be something for us gay too. You know, besides Emma.

K-Mac Sitting In A Tree

Remember when we learned that KStew planned to star in a contemporary, heartwarming holiday-themed lesbian rom-com? Well, it just got even gayer. Kristen Setwart has already signed on to star in “Happiest Season,” a lesbian rom-com written and directed by Clea DuVall. And now, Mackenzie “San Junipero” Davis is in talks to star opposite Kristen as her girlfriend.

Feel free to take a moment. It’s a lot to take in. All these lesbians worlds colliding in one picture. KStew hearts Yorkie thanks to Graham.

In the film a young woman’s plan to propose to her girlfriend over the holidays is complicated by her girlfriend not being out to her conservative parents. I am 100 percent here for KStew and Mackenzie engaging in familial hijinks and coming out shenanigans. Also, you know, all the smoochies.

The eLection Word

Look, I have no idea who will ultimately win the Democratic nomination for president in 2020. But I do know one thing, I will vote for a Democrat for president in 2020 no matter what. We’ve got more than a year and a half and an infinite number of Trump administration corruption scandals to go before the next presidential election, but already there are so many contenders and would-be contenders in the mix. While it’s overwhelming to think of how many candidates we’ll have to choose from, I truly think the field will benefit from vigorous – though not vicious – primary. The motto for the all the Democratic candidates should be, “First, do no harm (to each other).” Because, dammit, one of these men or women has to win…she just has to.

While we no doubt each have our personal favorites from the candidates and would-be candidates, the issue that really matters (you know – besides climate change, Medicare for all, $15 minimum wage, criminal justice reform, voting rights, racism, LGBTQ equality, et al) is how the candidates compare to their “The L Word” counterparts. Who will pander to us, the all-important queer women who obsessively watched “The L Word” constituency? So here are the candidates and their TLW doppelgängers. Because if we can’t have fun with this already infernal 2020 election cycle, we will definitely go insane before Nov. 3, 2020.

ANNOUNCED

Kamala Harris: Bette Porter

The senator from California is Bette because duh.

Kirsten Gillibrand: Tina Kennard

The senator from New York is Tina because I am deeply invested in a Straight TiBette 2020 Ticket.

Elizabeth Warren: Shane McCutcheon

The senator from Massachusetts is Shane because you always remember your first progressive girl crush.

Pete Buttigieg: Howie Fairbanks

The openly gay mayor of South Bend, Ind. Is Dana’s little brother Howie because he gives off that just-out baby gay vibe and you know it.

Julian Castro: Max Sweeney

The former Secretary of Housing and Urban Development is Max because he deserved a better storyline/would have made a great VP candidate in 2016.

Andrew Yang: Sandrine Holt

The former tech executive is Sandrine because she was the only recurring character on the show of East Asian descent and being a a tech executive is basically like being a con artist.

John Delaney: Random Bald Guy TiBette Asked For Sperm

The former congressman from Maryland is that random bald guy because, seriously, who?

Tulsi Gabbard: Lisa the “lesbian-identified man”

The congresswoman from Hawaii is Lisa because you can call yourself a Democrat all you want, but we know you’re just a anti-LGBTQ, pro-Assad fraud.

CONSIDERING

Joe Biden: Kit Porter

Good old Uncle Joe is Kit because everyone likes Kit, but you didn’t tune in/vote for Kit.

Bernie Sanders: Tim Haspel

Bernie is Tim because I’ve got nothing against straight white men, but this election/show is for the rest of us.

Cory Booker: Tasha Williams

The senator from New Jersey is Tasha because good, incredibly charismatic people can sometimes be a tad more conservative than their friend group.

Beto O'Rourke: Alice Pieszecki

The failed senate candidate from Texas is Alice because everyone lovesloveloves him, but he might not be ready for the big leagues since his senatorial campaign/spin-off show failed to launch.

Sherrod Brown: Angus the Manny

The senator from Ohio who is married to Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Connie Schultz is Angus because he seems sweet and sincere, but if he ever cheated on Connie we’d drop him in a heartbeat.

Michael Bloomberg: Mark the Creepy Video Guy

The billionaire ex-mayor of New York is Mark because he isn’t your friend, he is just another billionaire Republican from New York and can fuck right off.

Howard Schultz: Toxic Tonya

The billionaire former Starbucks CEO considering a run as an independent is Tonya because the last thing we need is another opportunistic social climber without any experience trying to run the country.

OTHER

Barack Obama: Dana Fairbanks

Obama is Dana because he’s beloved, deeply missed – dead to us because of fucking term limits.

Donald Trump: Jenny Schecter

Trump is Jenny because – while this might actually be unfair to Jenny – someone has to be the most hated crazy clown in the room.

BONUS

Unnamed Other Female Candidate: Carmen de la Pica Morales

The mystery “other” female candidate is Carmen because she’s hot and perfect and elusive, yet will still somehow get dumped at the ballot box/altar as soon as she wants to make it official by so-called progressive dudes who love to say, “I’d vote for a woman – just not that woman.”

The Cate-Cat Club

Look, they don’t make a new “Carol” every day. But in the absence of quality Cate Blanchett lesbian content, I give you quality Cate Blanchett pussy action. I know, I know – too easy. But while the cat’s away the Blanchett will play. Or, uh, something like that. All I can say after seeing Cate with her feline co-stars is, well, here kitty-kitty. [Hat tip to Erin M for the quality Cate/Cat inspiration.]

From “Cinderella,” 2015:



Look, any Wicked Stepmother with a cat can’t be all wicked, right? Fine, the leash is evil.

From “Stories of Lost Souls,” 2005:



For a movie with so many familiar names in it (Josh Hartnett, Hugh Jackman, Keira Knightley, Paul Bettany, James Gandolfini, Jeff Goldblum, Daryl Hannah…) I have no idea what it’s about or why Cate has a cat – or crazy curly hair.

From “Oscar & Lucinda,” 1997:



I find tragic love stories go better with a cat on your lap, too, Cate. Less so about Ralph Fiennes.

And there you have it, your weekly does of quality lesbian cat content. No need to thank me, kittens. Just doing my job.

My Weekend Crush

Hey, have you met my senator? She’s pretty cool and stuff. Impressive progressive credentials. Very good at asking questions. And, generally, just an all-around badass. But what you might not know about my senator is she has darn good taste in music. Has, one might add, a great laugh. In fact, it appears my Senator Kamala Harris would be pretty fun to hang out with at a cookout. Oh, and she just happens to be running for President of the United States. Vote for Straight Bette Porter, America. Happy weekend, all.

I'm running for president. Let's do this together. Join us: https://t.co/9KwgFlgZHA pic.twitter.com/otf2ez7t1p

— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) January 21, 2019

Gender Fuck Thursday: Oscar's Ladies Edition

So the nominations are out for this year’s Academy Awards. Ten very talented women got the nod in for Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress honors. I don’t know who will take home the shiny naked golden dude, but it is no secret that “The Favourite” remains my favorite. Plus, Her Royal Highness looks stunning in a tux.

But, really, they’re all my favorite because they’re all wonderful actresses and they don’t look too shabby in a suit either. So, really, that makes them all winners in my book.

Best Actress

Yalitza Aparicio, “Roma”

I have not seen “Roma” yet and I feel bad about that. But I feel great about this nomination. So maybe that evens out my karma?

Glenn Close, “The Wife”

Damn, Glenn is making the best tux in this post race very Close. Sorry, I’ll let myself out.

Olivia Colman, “The Favourite”

Can a suit be endearingly dorky? Because, yes.

Lady Gaga, “A Star Is Born”

Oh, I get it. Wearing a suit with extra room to make way for an EGOT.

Melissa McCarthy, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?”

I miss Melissa’s Spicey. Not the real one, obviously.



Best Supporting Actress

Amy Adams, “Vice”

Man, I really liked her in “Sharp Objects.” Sorry, I’m not gonna see “Vice,” so that’s all I got.

Marina de Tavira, “Roma”

Ditto from above. But it’s on my list! I promise!

Regina King, “If Beale Street Could Talk”

Please, like I’m the only one who had a crush on her all butched up in “Miss Congeniality 2.”

Emma Stone, “The Favourite”

Lesbianism looks even better on her than this suit. (What? It’s a lot of pattern.)

Rachel Weisz, “The Favourite”

Rachel was really bucking for the Cate Blanchett/Gillian Anderson Lesbian Affections Oscar this year with “Disobedience” and “The Favourite.” May more actress vie for the honor in the future.

How About Them Apples?

Look, I know it might seem like my New Year’s Resolution was to get as much Cate Blanchett and Gillian Anderson in this blog as possible. But, you’d be wrong. That’s just my perpetual resolution. So last week it was all about Cate and her strap-on. And this week it’s “All About Eve.” Like, literally, that’s the play. Rehearsals are underway for the show, which will star Lily James as Eve to Gillian’s Margo. The show will debut in London next month. Interesting tidbit, Cate Blanchett was originally going to play Margo, but dropped out to, uh, strap one on instead. Oh, London, you get all the ladies.

Captain Cat-tastic

The thing is, we were all gonna see the new “Captain Marvel” movie already. Female superhero badass empowerment and such. But then they put out the character posters and included one for a cat and, well, hello. *full lesbian swoon* Yes, Goose the Cat gets his own poster. If, in fact, Goose is a he. Or a cat. But, kittens, the more I see of this movie the more excited I get. And that’s a very, very good thing.



Also good? All the female characters look great including stoic Annette Bening, Smurf Gemma Chan and Top Gun BFF Lashana Lynch.



Though, to be honest, I would still be in if it was just a heartwarming story about a girl and her probably/hopefully/maybe cat.

Learn From the Past/Present

Look, I’m not one of those people who believes we’re all living in some sort of simulation/The Matrix or anything. But it’s difficult to not think there are, perhaps, parallel universes present which occasionally bleed into one another. And, sometimes they’re not so subtle about it. Like how else can you explain this real episode of the TV Western “Trackdown” that aired in 1958? It features a conman named – wait for it – Trump who comes to a Texas town claiming he alone can save them from a pending disaster by building a – wait for it – wall! I’m not even kidding. It’s 100 percent real. I feel like, with all the warnings about the future we’ve been given from the past about Trump, we really have ourselves to blame. And, you know, the Russians.

My Weekend Crush

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A post shared by CARDIVENOM (@iamcardib) on Jan 16, 2019 at 2:41pm PST

What Cardi B said. All of it. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. When I said all of it, I meant all of it. Especially the curse words. Fuck. Yeah.

A Strapping Blanchett

It has come to my lesbian attention that Cate Blanchett is in a new play where, if Twitter is to be believed, she walks around half-naked while wearing a strap-on and kisses at least one woman.

I JUST SAW CATE BLANCHETT KISS A WOMAN AND WALK AROUND THE STAGE HALF NAKED WHILE WEARING A STRAP ON WTF

— Andrija® ✨ MAH BITCHES 🌈 (@AndrijaMP) January 16, 2019

Yes, you read that right, including the words “half-naked,” “strap on” and “kiss a woman.”

The play in question is new work “When We Have Sufficiently Tortured Each Other” by Martin Crimp based on the 18th Century English novel “Pamela” also known as “Virtue Rewarded.” Playbill calls the story a “dangerous game of sexual domination and resistance.” The Guardian in a profile of Cate getting ready for the role calls it a flat-out “S&M-themed play.” And gay women everywhere are just gonna call it “The One Where Cate Wears A Strap-On.”

The play opened yesterday at the National Theatre in London and runs through early March. Alas, it’s already sold out. But there is a Hamlton/Rent-style lottery for day-of tickets. So, if anyone wants to buy me a plane ticket, I would be happy to stand in line and provide a first-hand report.

You know, for lesbian science.

Until a photo emerges of Cate in said strappy situation, here is a photo of Cate biting her finger while thinking about you thinking about her wearing a strap on while kissing a woman.

A Close Shave

As you kittens well know, I’m all about the ladies here at Surrenders. But that doesn’t mean I hate men. Sure, maybe I hate some men – but, you know, not all men. *tips hat in feminism* Still for women to be their best, we need men to step up and be their best as well. I mean, men are just slightly less than half the world’s population after all. How men act inevitably and too often negatively affects women’s lives. Which is a long way of saying, “Dudes, do better.” And if you won’t listen to us ladies on this, maybe listen to your fellow dudes? Or, uh, the things you use to shave your dude faces?

The all too predictable freak out about Gillette’s new campaign against toxic masculinity is just that, all too predictable. Yes, yes – the Right Wingnuts are being right wingnutty. Yes, yes – the Men’s Rights crowd is asserting its right to be fragile man babies.

And, conversely, there are progressives who are chiding Gillette for trying to monetize #MeToo and being hypocritical because of its own products and past practices. Look, I have no delusions that Gillette parent company Procter & Gamble is doing this because they’re all totally woke feminists now. I know corporations only care about making money. And I know advertising campaigns help corporations make more money. Corporations are not our friends; they’re only friends with money.

But – and hear me out on this – I think it’s a good thing when advocating for civil rights and social justice is considered a solid investment in capitalist America. So, no, I’m not going to hand Gillette a Nobel Peace Prize or anything. But I do appreciate all the hard work and tireless struggle that went into creating a world where men asking other men to do better and be kinder could be considered a money-making proposition.

Mandatory Sex Ed

Well, that was fun. Now, I was inclined to watch “Sex Education” already because a) Gillian Anderson, and b) Gillian Anderson with an English accent, and c) Gillian Anderson with an English accent playing a sex therapist. While I had heard it was good, I wasn’t prepared for how good and sweet and strangely sincere the whole thing would be amid all the sex jokes. We binge watched the whole season in a day, it was that good. Sure, there’s the salacious and hilarious raunchy sex bits – but it was also just really nice to watch something so frank and honest and nuanced about the weirdness and hang-ups surrounding sex and sexuality, including on the LGBTQ spectrum. Like what a wonderful and refreshing show. And, well, Gillian doing this did not hurt one little bit.

Doll Parts

Look, if there is anyone I’d like to watch die over-and-over-and-over again it would definitely be Donald Trump. But if there is someone who I would like to watch die over-and-over-and-over again but make it funny with a side of pathos, then I’m glad it’s Natasha Lyonne. Her new Netflix series “Russian Doll” looks like “Groundhog Day” crossed with “Happy Death Day,” but with more laughs and less Bill Murray. It comes with an impressive pedigree: executive produced and co-created by Amy Poehler along withNatasha and out writer-director Leslye Headland. So, yeah, imma give it a chance. Thoughts? I’m not sure how Russian nesting dolls fit into all of the gratuitous dying, but I’m sure curious to find out.

My Weekend Crush

How do I love Sandra Oh? Let me count at least seven ways. One, she was the first person of Asian descent to host a major award show, as co-host of the Golden Globes last weekend. Two, she was the first the woman of Asian descent to win multiple Golden Globes with her win for “Killing Eve” (she had previously won in 2006 for “Grey’s Anatomy”). Three, she was the first woman of Asian descent to win a Golden Globe for best actress in a TV drama in 39 years (Yoko Shimada won for “Shogun” in 1980).

Four, she showed up wearing yin-yang, good-bad, black-and-white dresses with her “Killing Eve” co-star Jodie Comer. And they looked at each other like this.



And then did this.



And this.



Five, did you know she wears glasses?



Six, after the Golden Globes she wore this jumpsuit and then the morning after the Golden Globes she wore another even comfier jumpsuit.



Oh, and did I mention “Killing Eve” comes back April 7? Yep, that’s reason No. 7. In short, there are seven + and infinite number reasons to love Sandra Oh. Happy weekend, all.