Follow your Kacey

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I generally dislike Katy Perry. My reasons have been well documented and also lesbians HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN that “I Kissed A Girl” shit. But she’s had some admittedly catchy songs and I liked “Roar” – even if Sara Bareilles did it first and better with “Brave.” But, I digress. Katy did a CMT Crossroads with Kacey Musgraves over the weekend. And they dueted on Musgraves’ adorable hit “Follow Your Arrow.” Interesting point of order, Kacey initially offered “Follow Your Arrow” to Katy. But she told Kacey she should keep it for herself because “This is going to be really good for you.” And, indeed, it was. So I guess I can’t hate Katy entirely. I mean, she helped make Kacey a star and I think Kacey is cute as a damn button. Also, I really like this song. It makes me want to tap my toe every time I hear it. So I’ll post it whenever I can. Though, no comment on Katy’s purple cellophane skirt. Is it made of Fruit Roll-Ups? Sorry, I forgot, I wasn’t commenting.

My Weekend Pride

It’s Pride Weekend here. Which means rainbow everything and the perpetual thump-thump-thump of happy gays shaking what their mamas and papas (or two mamas or two papas) gave them. This year, for only the second time since I started going to Pride here, I plan to skip it altogether. (The first time was for a wedding, sheesh, straight people, plan better.) Don’t worry, I am still plenty proud. I wave the rainbow flag in my heart every single day – and I plan to give it an extra sassy internal wave this weekend. I will miss that feeling of awe I get when I look out to a sea of humanity all there to celebrate just being yourself. It makes me smile, every. single. time. But this year in particular I feel like keeping my festivities more subdued. i.e. I am too old to look for private places to pee in public like in a raised planter or behind a parked car, not that I’ve ever done that – allegedly. Also, today marks the tenth anniversary of my father’s death. When you get to big round numbers like that (and daunting words like “decade”), you tend to reflect. I’ll be headed to the coast instead, to stare at the horizon and be rocked by another the rhythm. That of the sea making it’s perpetual introduction with the land. Have a happy and safe Pride Weekend, all.

p.s. For all of you still planning to party party party, please let these little guys get you in the mood. Turn down for PRRRRRR-IDE! Sorry, had to go there. Lesbians, pussies. You understand.

Back home again in Indiana

Yesterday, a federal judge ruled that my home state’s ban on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional. So now, in Indiana, one of the reddest of red states in the union, gays and lesbians began saying “I do” legally. I’ve lived for well over a decade now in California, a state known for its progressive politics. (Though, dude, Iowa beat us by four years – tsk, tsk. My journey is mirrored by countless LGBT people in America. Grow up in a conservative place, long to live in one of our so-called meccas, leave as soon as you can. After college, my goal was to get to a coast. That the West Coast came calling first was almost chance, but I happily took it. Leaving Indiana for California was a complete flipping of my previous political environment. Here, the right wing huddles angrily in the minority, not the other way around.

In the life of this transplanted Midwestern girl there has been a beautiful symmetry at work in this steady march toward full equality. In 2008, my adopted home state of California in June 2008. Pride month, of course. There was the ugly blight of Proposition 8,but then five years later on June 27, 2013 same-sex marriages began once more, for keeps, thanks the Supreme Court ruling invalidating Prop. 8 for good. And now, here we are once again in June just days away from Pride, and a the courts once again have said let now unconstitutional law tear asunder what love has made obvious in my former home state of Indiana. So, it seems, you can go home again after all.

As the moral arc of history begins to bend its bright rainbow over more and more of this country (20 states and counting), one has to wonder if the narrative of LGBT kids might start to shift, just a little. While the big cities and liberal communities will always beckon, there is an undeniable satisfaction in knowing that staying home is becoming a better, safer option as well. There will always be more liberal and more conservatives pockets of this country. We are a nation deeply divided by party and politics. But whether you vote red or blue, it shouldn’t matter because the white of our constitution need to protect and respect all of us. And with each new judgment and each new law, we are getting there. Both my homes, separated by so many miles and so much ideology, say so. Congratulations, Hoosier state. So, next time I visit, I’ll know how happy I will feel to be back home again in Indiana.

Lost, Girl

Fandom is hard work, yo. So, on Monday, I put up a little post of AfterEllen of an exclusive unused extra from the “Lost Girl” Season 4 DVD set. It featured Zoie Palmer being lovely, per usual. And it was a nice little shout-out to all the LGBT fans. So I was happy.

And then I read the comments, and I was not happy. Comments tend to have that effect. (Not here, you’re all lovely. Never change.)

Here’s the thing, once a season is over, I check out a little on that fandom. I don’t stop being a fan, I just don’t follow what is happening amongst its fans as closely. What I care about, and pay attention to, the most is what we actually see on the screen. I am in it for the stories. So when there isn’t anything new to watch, I sort of hibernate.

But the Lost Girl fandom has awoken this groggy bear from her restorative sleep.

So here is me wading into your concerns in the comments. (FYI: This is verbatim the comment I posted on my AE post, but wanted to share it here as well).

Some clarifications. First, I am not the editor in chief of AfterEllen, I just freelance for the site like the other writers. I do run my own personal blog in my free time (cough, dorothysurrenders.com, cough). Second, writing about lesbian representation in pop culture is not my full-time job. I have another job that keeps the lights on and takes up most of my waking hours. This writing is something I do because I enjoy it and care about the stories that flicker across our screens. Third, people may have indeed tweeted me, butI get a lot of tweets and do not monitor my feed 24/7. I do vaguely remember being tweeted about the cuts, but at the time was swamped and simply couldn’t investigate further. I checked, and no one ever emailed me about the situation. Fourth and finally, I do not regularly read dedicated fandom sites, regardless of the fandom, because – again – the time. This is not to say that I don’t enjoy and support the various fandoms I write about; I most definitely do. But sometimes I can miss large discussions/controversies happening among fans behind the scenes.

So, with that in mind, I ask that you not project nefarious intention on what I do and don’t write about. Sometimes, I just don’t know and/or don’t have time. And I apologize for that. Believe it or not, I try to also fit a life away from the keyboard into my life.

From the commenters here it seems the chief complaint is about the cut made between the Showcase/Syfy versions of the show. I am sensitive to such cuts, but honestly have not been keeping track of their extent over the past four season. All of my recaps are done off the Showcase versions and (again, just being honest) sometimes I don’t even get around to watching the Syfy version. I would like to do my own research on the topic, but again that takes time and a stopwatch.

But I do think this is a fair topic to bring up, especially closer to the beginning of the fifth season to remind Showcase/Syfy that we are paying attention to what they are editing and how the characters and relationships are being portrayed.

I tend to pay attention, first and foremost, to what is shown to us on the screen. I enjoy Lost Girl because, since its inception, it has been the only show currently airing on English-speaking television with a bisexual female character as its singular lead. (Since then, Orange Is the New Black has also come along – thank goodness – to add to that list.) I believe the writers, producers and actors have all been sensitive and responsive to the LGBT community. Sure, there have been some missteps. But this is not a show that has ever – in my opinion – shied away from its sexuality nor dismissed its LGBT fans. Questions about edits and promotion may exist and should be addressed, but for me they do not ultimately detract from what I believe is an overwhelmingly positive show for LGBT representation.

And those are my two cents. Thanks for your passion and support. I truly appreciate you guys.

Stick a fork in it

Oooof. I don’t know why I do these things. But, ever the masochist, I plan to watch the final season of “True Blood” through grinding teeth. The show has been a carnival of ridiculousness for far too long. And it’s hard to think of a way the show can be redeemed here at the eleventh hour. So then why put myself through this? Part of it is I love complaining about the show. Loudly. At my television. But the other part is that I’m just an eternal sucker (see what I did there?) for vampire stories. I blame the Buffy Effect. I keep hoping, against all rational hope, that there can be another non-ludicrous vampire story to champion.

SPOILERS, duh. Of course, the show went and fucked up the one hope I had for its last season in the damn premiere. Shit, in the first two minutes of the damn premiere. It killed Tara – AGAIN. Like I was saying, oooof. The only thing I really wanted to see happen this season was some, hell any, kind of relationship between Tara and Pam. Last season was a massive disappointment on the Para (Tam? De Beauthornton?) front. Seriously, Alcide’s abs got more screentime than these two. By a lot.

My only possible consolation is, um, is Tara really dead? They didn’t show her death, which seems, well, weird. To have her go out as almost an off-screen after thought like that is almost insulting. So, who knows, she might still be out there, somewhere.

But you know what, I don’t even really care that much. Because emotional investment was never the strong suit of this show. It’s more about the farcical situations and hard bodies (with or without fangs). And also I find it makes the whole thing a lot more fun if you drink each time Bill says “SUH-KIE!” This may mean I have a drinking problem.

So, sticking with it one last season like me? I know, I know – I’m an idiot.

Orphanpalooza

WHATTHEFUCKHOLYSHITCHEESUSANDCRACKERSTHATTWIST.

[Goes without saying, but still I have to say it: SPOILER ALERT for the “Orphan Black” finale]

*low whistle*

So, yeah. How about them cloned apples? I did not see that coming. Like, at all. Granted, I’ve been confused for about two-thirds of this season. But still, kudos for making my head spin at the every end there, show. Boy clones? Yeah, like I was saying, I did not see that coming. I was actually miffed that we might see another “Kira’s been kidnapped” cliffhanger at the end of this season. But, boy, they went a different way.

Aside from the surprise, I feel a little torn about this news. On the one hand, how cool. More twisty turny cloney crazytimes. On the other hand, oh dear. I am already super creeped out by Ari Millen and now that’s only going to multiply. Something about his face just *shudders*.

So here are five quick thoughts on the season:

1) Michiel Huisman (Cal) is the luckiest schmo on TV right now. He gets to make-out with Tatiana Maslany and Emilia Clarke. Sheesh.

2) I can’t decide if I should be in awe or in terror of Michelle Forbes (Marian). So I’ll just be both. Bring on more Dr. Bowles.

3) I couldn’t enjoy the clone dance party the first time around because I was SO FUCKING NERVOUS that something terrible was about to happen. But now that I know no one dies horribly, it’s one of my favorite scenes of the entire series so far.

4) Can we start giving Rachel eyepatch-related nicknames now. You know that (newly) one-eyed lady ain’t dead.

5) Very, very smart not killing Cosima, show. There is no fandom angrier the dead lesbian cliché angry fandom. Wait, that’s a lie, the lesbian sleeping with a man angry fandom is the angriest fandom of them all.

So, your thoughts on the season. Just relieved Cosima made it? Scared of the boy clone? Confused in general? Right there with ya. Dance it out, clones, dance it out.

My Weekend Crush

It’s in the eyes. Eva Green’s eyes are everything. They’re huge, but not in that doe-eyed way of ingénues. Instead they pierce through everything with their unblinking blue. They smolder, like Eva smolders, on screen – just daring you to look away. But, of course, you can’t. Eva has been fascinating us for years now. First as a “Dreamer” then as a Bond girl, as Miss G and a lady of “Camelot.” But now, as the mysterious Vanessa Ives, it is downright dangerous to ignore her. Eva is spectacular in “Penny Dreadful.” I’ve raved about the show already (gothic horror creeptasticness). But Eva deserves even more as Miss Ives. Enigmatic, haunted, powerful – everything she is flashes through her eyes. Combine that with the magnificent architecture of her face and, well, you have a woman to be reckoned with. Hell, she might even be “A Dame to Kill For.” Happy weekend, all.

The Subtext Games

Before we start this new season, let us start with that promo. You know the one. The one that seems like a Rizzles fanvid instead of an official TNT preview. I’ll be honest, it makes me grind my teeth. I mean, I understand what they are doing. In theory it’s cute. It’s TNT saying, “Hey, even we know they seem gay!” But in action it’s, well, problematic.

I have always been the kind of Rizzoli & Isles watcher who is in it for the current chemistry instead of the remote possibility they might actually be a couple. Sure, I enjoy the smile and wink of it all – like, isn’t it ridiculous these women are supposed to be heterosexual when their relationship feels so very gay. But mostly I enjoy their obvious friendship and effortless rapport. So I understand and accept that in the canon of the show they are straight. (Though, really, in this day and age why not go there and make them gay?)

But into that fray comes this new TNT promo. I have no problem with the producers and network acknowledging the shows lesbian and bisexual female fanbase. In fact, I appreciate it. But I do have a problem with them teasing us. It’s a fine line, but a definite line. I’m not one to drop the “QB” word quickly. But, yeah, it’s a little queerbaity. It seems TNT realized the errors of its ways, because it was taken down almost as quickly as it went up. Perhaps this is a good thing. A reminder that while the show’s gay female fanbase is strong and loyal, we don’t enjoy being teased. There’s a difference between being in n the joke and being joked about.

And that’s how I feel about that. In other news, my first #Gayzolli recap of the season is up today at AfterEllen. I’m rusty after three months. Please, be gentle.

Women of Thrones

OK, let’s talk about “Game of Thrones” again. I will say, after the Cersei and Jaime/Caster’s Keep horribleness of early and midseason, Season 4 got a lot less rapey. So, um, huzzah – or something. What I find most interesting at the close of Season 4 is how its women are doing. Getting raped a little less (for now), which is always good. But now that (oh, right, SPOILER ALERT, duh) so many key male characters have been disposed of, it begs the question: Can sisters finally start getting the respect they deserve on Game of Thrones?

[Please note, I have not read the books. So this is just based on character progression so far and the random thoughts that bounce around in my head.]

Daenerys Targaryen

So how are things going for Daenerys Stormborn,The Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons? Ruling shit is hard work and dragons are a pain in the ass. Look, I love Khaleesi, but a dragon is not a slave! I have to think chaining up her precious Dracarys will have serious repercussions. And not the good kind. Also, my secret GoT ship is Daenerys and Brienne. There, I said it out loud. Make it happen, G.R.R. Martin. We all know you’re still writing the damn books.

Cersei Lannister

This lady will absolutely have you strangled in your sleep. Though, you have to admit, she does love her children. And she is finally pissed enough at her father to reveal her the terrible awful she and Jaime have been doing all these years to protect them from his influence. Granted, her eldest son turned out to be a psychopath. But Tommen has a kitten named Ser Pounce. So, maybe she wasn’t the worst mother ever? (Just kidding, she’s awful – but cunning as fuck.)

Margery Tyrell

Mags might be even more cunning than Cersei, though a little less vicious. Maybe. I don’t know what happens next in the books. Also, I think she has her eyes on Tommen which is gross. But, hey, behind every Boy King is a strong women with a questionable marriage history. (It’s true, at least so far in the Seven Kingdoms.) Though, as far as cunning goes Margery is no match – nor is anyone, really – for her grandma Olenna Redwyne. I mean, she killed Joffrey. Grannies get shit done.

Brienne of Tarth

Sign me up to the Lady Knight fanclub. Brienne is strong, moral, awesome. OK, fine, so she is having a little bit of a hard time keeping all the oaths she has promised so far. (her king died, her lady died, Jamie lost a hand, the Stark girls are nowhere in sight…) But if nothing else, I feel like I can believe in her unwavering sense of honor. Plus, how hot is she in that armor? I understand her brutal fight with The Hound was added into the series. Hey, works for me. Now she needs to find her way to Meereen. Daenerys is down one knight adviser (buh-bye, Jorah), so there’s an opening. Just saying. Also, I cannot wait to see her in the new Star Wars.

Arya Stark

Holy fucking shit, Arya. First, let’s all do the slow clap and rise for 17-year-old Maisie Williams who is absolutely killing it as Arya. The way she impassively stared at The Hound as he begged her to kill him? And then just turned and walked away. I am equal parts frightened and awed by her. And I absolutely cannot wait to see what she becomes. Also a little scared. But, yeah. Arya. I always thought Khaleesi was the baddest bitch in the Seven Kingdoms. But little Arya and her Needle are making a strong run at the title.

Right, so there were also other ladies. Sansa (yawn), Ygritte (breakups sucks), Lysa (can’t fix crazy), Melisandre (smoke monster baby says what), et al. But this season was really time four the five I mentioned to shine. And, with any luck, keep on shining.

p.s. Wasn’t the penultimate episode at the Wall just a total snoozefest? Yeah, yeah, we get it – there are giants. I don’t care. This show has 2 trillion characters. No one wants to watch a “Lord of the Rings”-lite battle in Antarctica for an entire hour.

Tank Top Tuesday: Back to Basics

Like Amy Poehler, I will always say “Yes please!” to a plain white tank top. While there are endless variations on a classic, sometimes going back to basics is the best. So let’s do just that. Plain white tanks of summer, activate.

Angie Harmon

“Rizzoli & Isles” is back Tuesday and it’s both good and bad – you know, like the show. Good, as always, the chemistry. Bad, oy, this show.

Beyonce

What the Solange/Jay Z elevator fight was about will remain one of the great unsolved mysteries of our time.

Sarah Silverman

What has she been up to lately? Is there some sort of Comedy Overlords rule that there can only be one funny, inappropriate lady comic making headlines at a time? And right now Amy Schumer is filling that position. Oh, right, it’s called sexism.

Evelyne Brochu

Well, at least last weekend’s crush was justified. I think. I am distracted because it was apparently a bit nippy wherever Evelyne was for this photo. Ahem. (p.s. I can’t believe there’s only one episode left.)

Lena Headey

Sure, Cersei is technically (not technically, really) “bad.” But gotta give her props for helping to ruin Tywin Lannister’s Father’s Day. .

Orange Is the New Vagina Euphemism

Well, the tribe has spoken. And what it said is, yes, more “Orange Is the New Black” talk. So, I plan to do some recaps for this season. But, as noted, because of the unorthodox season release (namely, all at once so everyone can gorge or sip, however they like to watch), I’ll do the recaps in a more unorthodox way. I was thinking of writing them by character (or groups of characters) instead of by episode. It makes sense because binge watching leads to discussion of larger narrative arc than what-just-happened plot points. So, if there aren’t any major objections, I’ll be starting those up soon. If you have a character/characters you’d like to see start us off, chime in. Until then, please enjoy every single vagina reference in Season 1 of OITNB. I love that after Season 2 that video would have been twice as long, if not more.

My Weekend Crush

Those French Canadians, eh. In the presence of a Québécoise like Evelyne Brochu we all turn into a lovesick “pauvre petit chiot.” As Delphine Cormier, Evelyne has stolen our hearts, despite our heads telling us to be wary. But we can’t help it. We just want to make crazy science with her. I still don’t know whether to truly trust Delphine. But I sure want to. She can call me a puppy anytime. Happy weekend, all.

A little something off the side, please

Is there a word to describe extreme sexual attraction to the side of someone’s head? Wait, don’t tell me – there probably is. Perverts. But, come on, just look at Natalie Dormer’s magnificently shaved side head. She debuted it at the beginning of the year. It’s for a role (Cressida in “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay”), naturally. Consider this your good hair yin to yesterday’s bad hair yang. Of course, it helps that Natalie is killing it with swagger. But if you’ve ever watched “Game of Thrones,” “Elementary” or “The Tudors,” you knew that already. That lady has style. Also, she’s got a really, really nice side of her head. Also, someone please introduce Natalie’s hairstylist to the folks at BBC America, please.



p.s. I realize there may be some unfortunate Skrillex similarities. But Natalie looks like she shampoos regularly, and therein lies all the difference. Also, she is a lady. That helps.

Hair Today, Tony Tomorrow

I hate Tony’s hair. There, I said it. It’s awful It’s beyond awful. It’s The Awful. It’s the one thing on “Orphan Black” I feel has been a genuine misstep. Have I mentioned it’s awful. This is nothing against Tony, the new trans clone. I like the fella. But, Jesus Mary and Double Helix is that faux mullety thing on his head bad.

The introduction of a trans character on the show is yet another one of those twisty turny delights “Orphan Black” has offered up this season. (The best, by far, was Helena’s non-death.) But the enjoyment I could wrest from having practically the full LGBT spectrum covered on this show was tempered by THAT HAIR. Go ahead, call me superficial. I get that he is supposed to be sort of a shady, possibly Achey Breaky-loving sort. But that thing isn’t even a mullet. It’s a renaissance faire hairdo left unkempt in the rain for days.

Now – I know, I know – Tatiana Maslany can do many (many, many, many, many, many, many…how many clones are there now?) things, but making her luscious locks totally disappear is not one of them. I am aware the showrunners said it was too hard to give her a bald cap and fit all that hair under a short wig. But, come on, is there no way virtually ANY OTHER kind of hairstyle could have been chosen instead? Her hair fit under Rachel’s wig. Hell, we even SAW HER IN A BALD CAP earlier this season. It looked fine (well, sick, but fine.)



OK, OK – I will stop complaining. Not really. It was awful. I want the entire next episode to be dedicated to finding Tony a proper barber.

The second time around

“Everything is different, the second time around.”

Different, yeah. Better, fuck yeah. Welcome back, “Orange Is the New Black.” Like many of you, I spent this past weekend wolfing down the second season of OITNB. Hell, I took a vacation day on Friday and watched the whole damn thing in less than 24 hours. After the delirious high of binging on the show, I can say without hesitation that not only is Season 2 as good as the first season, it’s actually much better.

Richer. More complex. Deeply satisfying.

The stories have grown beyond the fish-out-of-water introductions of the first season – the, look, this is how you make prison shower shoes novelty of it all – to peer deeply into the complicated physics at work between all these different women forced to pass the time together.

Everything you complained about the first season (let’s be honest – it was mostly Piper and Larry) is better the second time around. And it’s better because Piper is no longer the sun around which the other stories revolve. While Season 1 did an admirable job of bringing us interesting and engaging secondary characters, they really, really get to shine in their own solar systems in the second season.

This is a show where the other characters, particularly the woman of color, are not just set pieces but the legitimate heroes, or antiheroes as the case may be, of their own stories. And this is major.



Just like with people, you can tell a lot about a TV show with how it treats its supporting cast. Are they props to bolster the lead character – offer advice, act sassy, look dumb? Or are they real people with their own agency and own universes? OITNB allows so many of its celestial bodies to live in their own, distinct orbits. It’s how they crash into each other and skip past each other and everything else that makes it all so freaking fascinating.

So in Season 2 we get less of Piper (meh) and Larry (yay) and Alex (aww) and Doggett (praise be). But more of Taystee and Poussey and Morello and Mendoza and Daya and Sister Ingalls and Miss Rosa and so on. It’s a trade I will happily make. While it’s nearly lesbian sacrilege to say, I didn’t actually miss Alex Vause all that much. Because, despite her limited screentime, she was still very much a part of the story. And, for reasons now clear to everyone, she will most definitely be back next year.

Her departure and the dimming of other storylines allows time for returning and new characters (like Vee and Soso) to bring multitudes to the screen. Hell, this season even brings nuance to its prison staff – who before were largely just caricatures of ineptitude. Yes, this show is that good.

And what you learn from watching a show like this, sitting for 13 uninterrupted hours on your couch, is the familiar refrain - what fools these mortals be. It is our shared strange and lonely and wondrous folly that makes us so very human. And, as with the night sky, our beauty comes not from just one shining star burning bright against the darkness, but the vastness of all our lights shining in unison.



p.s. Right, so are you ladies (and discerning gentlemen) interested in by episode reviews/recaps on here at all? Or is that OITNB overkill? If there is even such a thing for a show you watched the entirety of while wearing the same sweatpants.

Behind the Orange

Did you know Jodie Foster directed the second season premiere of “Orange Is the New Black?” (She also directed the third episode, “Lesbian Request Denied,” of the first season). And, yes, I saw you in there, too, Rebecca Drysdale.

Much more on OITNB and my complete thoughts on the second season coming tomorrow. For now, please enjoy this photo of Jodie Foster and Laura Prepon having a hot lady in glasses off.

p.s. In this photo I’m assuming she is giving Taylor Schilling tips on proper technique for Episode 10. Kidding, kidding – sort of.

My Weekend Binge Crush

Starting at midnight today, you might as well have hung a big sign across The Internet reading: “DO NOT DISTURB THE LESBIANS: WATCHING ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK.” Because you know that’s what we’re all doing. We’ve called in sick, taken vacation days, stayed up all night and cancelled all foreseeable plans. The smart ones among us stocked up on provisions yesterday – snacks, drinks, adult diapers – so we could move as little as possible while binge watching the new season. Oh, sure, there will be those among us who choose to savor and watch only one a day, or one a week, or – God help you – one a month. I don’t know exactly know why you’d deny yourself such pleasure; the world is full of crazy people. But I believe if you’re going to indulge in a deadly sin, might as well be gluttony. And bless Netflix for being more than happy to be our sloth dealer. I for one welcome the uninterrupted hours of instant gratification ahead for us all. See you in 13 hours, world. Happy weekend, all.

Not at all Dreadful

You guys, you guys – are you watching “Penny Dreadful?” You’re not? YOU’RE NOT?? Oh, girl, you should. Because the Showtime gothic thriller is the most unexpectedly, delightfully queer show of the summer. How gay? Well, Josh Harnett just totally got it one with a dude in the last episode. (Dorian Gray, no less.) So, you know, pretty damn gay. The series is part horror, part mystery, all scary and totally good. Granted, there are far too many SPIDERS for my liking. But, still, if you can get past the creepy and crawly, it’s totally worth it.

Two Sentence Synopsis: A British aristocrat teams with a mysterious woman, American gunslinger and Dr. Frankenstein to find his daughter, who just might be under the thrall of Dracula. Yeah, really.

Part of the reason the show is so good is because it comes from veteran Oscar-nominated screenwriter John Logan. His previous credits include “The Aviator,” “Gladiator,” “Hugo” and many others. The first-time TV creator and showrunner is also an out gay man. So that may account for the refreshing equality of male and female nudity in the series. I mean, I’m pretty sure we’ve seen more dude butts than female breasts and we’re half way through the season.

The other reason the show is so good is because of Eva Green. The French actress has always had an other-worldly look – that pale skin, those big eyes, that chiseled face. And in “Penny Dreadful,” every inch of her facial real estate is explored and appreciated. As the mysterious woman, Vanessa Ives, she is the enigmatic figure in black with a strange connection to the darker side of life. She is, quite simply, very good in this.

(Billie Piper is also in the series, and she ain’t bad either. Not bad at all.)



While the series has given us full-on male-on-male sexual fluidity, it has yet to deliver on the ladies side. But there is a sliver of subtext to be scrounged from Vanessa’s past relationship with the missing daughter, Mina (above). Yes, Mina - a lot of these names are going to sound pretty familiar.

At times, I’ll be honest, I have really no idea what’s happening. But it’s that clever unfurling of the story, with touchstones of iconic horror figures interspersed, that makes it so thrilling. Also, Victorian gothic horror stories are just cool. So there’s that.

Lesbian Bieber Nightmare Syndrome

On Wednesday, lesbians talk about Justin Bieber. The unavoidable pipsqueak douchnozzle (and also pretty racist) pop star was the topic of conversation of not one, but two lesbian celebrities who visited Conan’s couch recently. Why? Well, that whole lesbians who look like Biebs thing is no joke. As a result, we’re clearly haunted by his so-called similarities to us – it chases us into our nightmares, yo. Also, this is a really fun excuse to post videos of Kate McKinnon and Ellen Page talking about pussies. Granted, different kinds, but still.

Tres Jolie

Love her or hate her (and, really, I’m not entirely sure why you’d hate her – unless you are just hardcore Team Jennifer 4 Lyfe), Angelina Jolie is a big fucking movie star. She is one of the biggest, shiniest stars today. And she is probably the biggest female movie star out there right now (with all due respect to Meryl, Julia, Scarlett, Jennifer, et al). Granted, her box office up until “Maleficent” may not have borne that out. But movie stardom is more than just about money. It’s about mystique. And, fucking hell, does Angie have that in shit down. It helps to have her face, that face. But as articles have attested recently, no one has more impressive, more impeccable publicity game than Angelina right now. What makes Angelina such a movie star is the sense of the unattainable. Sure, Jennifer Lawrence is relatable and we all wish she was our BFF. But that makes her likable, not a movie star. Whether we like to admit it or not, what we want from our movie stars is different. We want them to remain impeccable, out of reach and beautiful to behold. Always twinkling in a sky so high most of us never even dare to venture there. That’s a fucking movie star.

p.s. Oh yeah, I also reviewed “Maleficent” for AfterEllen (which should be up a little later today). So, clearly, Angie’s been on my mind.

Ellen + Evan = LezCrush Squared

Go ahead, call me a horrible person, but the first thing I thought when it was announced that Evan Rachel Wood and her husband Jamie Bell were splitting up late last week was, “Oooh, I hope she hooks up with Ellen Page now.” Yes, like I said – I’m a horrible person. Look, breakups are always sad and more so when there is a child involved. It can’t be easy. But, admit it, we all have Fantasy Celebrity Couple Crushes we want to see happen. And this is one of them. (For further reference, please see past Fantasy Celebrity Couple Crush Ellen and Clea – though given recent revelations the “Fantasy” part may now be more in question.)

The thing about this FCCC (yes, I’ve acronymized it, so sue me) is how perfect it would be if it happened. They’re both talented actresses. They’re both out. They’re both into totally lezzie trucker hats. See, perfect. Of course, they’re probably just really good friends, yadda yadda. Plus they’re playing sisters in the new post-apocalyptic drama “Into the Forest.” And Ellen just called Evan her “good pal (and movie sister).” So no one is really down with movie incest, no matter how many times they might have watched “Sister, My Sister” in their youth. But still, the dream is so hard to shake. Just imagine the possibilities. The tomboy fierceness would be off the charts. I mean, I don’t even think they make enough Wildfang clothing to cover it all. Sigh, well, I guess that’s why they call it a fantasy.

p.s. Duuuude, how excited are you about “Into the Forest?” SO EXCITED. Ellen and Evan and out director out filmmaker Patricia Rozema – whose previous credits include “When Night Is Falling,” “Mansfield Park” and “I’ve Heard the Mermaids Singing” – all working together? YES and PLEASE.