She works hard for the money

It's Monday so most of us are reluctantly back at work. But Fake Girlfriend No. 2 Sarah Haskins has been hard at work all along, bringing us great new insights into what Madison Avenue thinks women want in her “Target Women” series. This time, she takes aim at a girl's two best friends: her diamonds and her vampire boyfriend. You can just see Marilyn Monroe singing about them both now, can't you? Now that's really a sparkly vampire.

First, vampire boyfriends. Now, I've never had a vampire boyfriend. I do, however, have a bit of a thing for vampires. Blame “Buffy.” Blame “Lost Boys.” Blame Anne Rice. Don't judge, I was young and impressionable and all my friends were reading her.

But the “Twilight” thing I pretty much totally don't get. Granted, I haven't read the books and am more than a decade outside of their demographic. But doesn't the whole point of the vampire allure boil down to one, stunningly simple three-letter word? You know the one: s-e-x. So, then, having a vampire boyfriend who won't have sex with you is kind of, well, pointless, right? Let Sarah explain it, because I'm flummoxed.

Second, jewelry. But first, another admission. I'm not big on the jewelry either. I own some, sure. But all of it is silver and none of it is diamonds. So, again, perhaps I'm not the best judge. Still, I'm not sure I understand its appeal. Some of it is definitely gorgeous, if not for me. Yet diamonds in particular seem so very boring to me. Is it just that they're expensive or shiny or expensively shiny?

I do, however, love Sarah's coining of the term “jewelry face.” And I considered temporarily promoting her from the Fake Girlfriend No. 2 slot to the Fake Girlfriend No. 1 slot for saying: “Thank you, dad. I am a journalist so I have to go pawn this to pay my rent.” It's funny because it's true.

[Hat tip, Amelia!]