Breaking news

So, yesterday, while scanning the “Top News” from the Associated Press on my cellphone, I came across something that simply did not belong. See if you can spot it for yourself:

[Click to embiggen]

Let's see: Interest rate cuts reassessed, Asian market commits suicide thanks to Lehman Brothers, Health plans suck and even economists know it, cellphones and train conductors don't mix and – wait, hello, hello, what's this? – Megan Fox had a femme Nikita?

Yes, Megan Fox, America's hottie du jour, once dated a Russian stripped named Nikita. Why? Because she “smelled like angels.” Paging, Cinemax After Dark, Cinemax After Dark, your plotline is waiting.

But what I found less astonishing than the fact that Megan had a brief foray into the love that dare not speak it's name (except maybe in Russian), was the fact that the AP would package the story along with the rest of its important “Top News.” While I love celebrity gossip as much if not considerably more than the next gal, um...priorities? It's not like yesterday was a slow news day or something, what with the U.S. economy collapsing and all.

Still, I have to give the AP a little credit for not running with the headline from the original GQ cover story where Megan talked about her Sapphic strip teaser. It demurely reads: “MEGAN FOX WAS A TEENAGE LESBIAN!” Yes, all caps. Yes, an exclamation point. Though, I guess I shouldn't expect subtlety from a magazine that runs these sorts of shots.

Still, don't let the headline fool you. Megan makes sure to clear one thing up for all the fellas reading at home:

“Look, I'm not a lesbian. I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl — Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands.”

Pssst, Megan, there's a name for that – it's bisexual. Hey, I'm just trying to make sure she gets her story straight, so to speak.