Room 403

Oh, you knew I’d eventually get around to blogging about Natalie Portman naked. Yes, I downloaded, watched and rewatched “Hotel Chevalier,” the online prologue to Wes Anderson’s upcoming theatrical release “The Darjeeling Limited.” What, you haven’t heard about “Hotel Chevalier,” a.k.a. The Movie Where Natalie Portman Gets Naked? The bittersweet 13-minute short is available for free from iTunes and introduce us to Jason Schwartzman’s lovelorn character Jack (the youngest of the three brothers including Owen Wilson and Adrien Brody) as he has a tryst with his ex (played by Natalie) in a Paris hotel. But plot, schmot. Let’s get to the good stuff. [Note: If you didn’t like the Holly Hunter naked bits, you might want to stop reading right about now. No handcuffs this time, sadly. Click any of the images to enlarge. Oh, and these next two are NSFW, duh.]
Ok, so there it is. The much ballyhooed full-body naked shot is pretty much just an awkwardly-posed, carefully-covered side view. And, really, it’s not doing much for me. But, uh, this next shot? Well, this next shot is a different story. Hello.
For all the hoopla and fanboy drooling, the scene itself is actually remarkable restrained. And I’m actually kind of glad she didn’t show more. I don’t know, I still get kind of protective about Natalie. I distinctly remember seeing her in “The Professional” (or “Léon” for my French readers) and even at 26 she has a delicate pixie quality that makes me feel weird about lusting over her nekkidness. Even I have standards. Seriously, I do. Stop laughing.As for the film itself, I rather liked the quirky little short. It was oddly effective and strangely honest. Anyone who has ever had a post break-up hook-up will identify immediately with the sentiment:

Natalie: Whatever happens in the end, I don’t want to lose you as my friend.
Jason: I promise, I will never be your friend. No matter what. Ever.

And my personal favorite:

Natalie: If we fuck, I’m going to feel like shit tomorrow.
Jason: That’s OK with me.

Go download it now for yourself. It’s free. It’s Natalie Portman naked. Geez, why are you still here?
p.s. Despite all the photographic evidence to the contrary, I am not really a butt woman. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a nice badonkadonk. But I prefer what is a little higher up. No, not those. The back. I love a woman’s back. If only they’d shown more of Natalie’s. Sigh.