This Is My Big Gay Agenda

Seems certain people can’t stomach when anyone different from themselves experiences even a modicum of joy, success or peace. Amid all the undeniable queer excellence of the Oscars, threats to LGBTQ+ people’s civil rights continue unabated. Indeed, the GOP’s latest assault on gay people for simply being brings back an insidious lie that homophobes have been trotting out for decades. The lie is that by mentioning the very existence of LGBTQ+ people, we are grooming children.

Grooming them to be what, exactly? In their twisted mind it’s to become gay and/or to become victims of our imaginary lechery. Make no mistake, these lies pull on the same thread at the full-tilt bonkers QAnon conspiracy theory that sees all liberals and progressives as part of a global cabal of pedophiles. Pointing at your political/social enemy and calling them a child rapist is the norm in our cultural conversation now. This isn’t just saying the quiet part out loud, this is political tribalism taken to its most deranged extreme.

None of this is really new. Queers have long been accused by bigots of “recruiting” forever. As if we have to convert innocent, unwilling heterosexual to fill our ranks through pernicious methods. Look, y’all, straight people are the leading makers of queer people. That is a fact. So what, exactly, are they so mad about? Children’s books that acknowledge that some families have two moms or two dads instead of just a mommy and a daddy? Teachers acknowledging the existence of LGBTQ+ people in this world? Yes, all of that.

Look, if recruiting worked I’d be straight. Though the first nearly two decades of my life I received exclusively heterosexual education in public schools and saw exclusively heterosexual lifestyles portrayed in entertainment. Yet here I am, gay as can be. Was all that modeling of heterosexuality not grooming me to be straight? Weird how it didn’t take.

Yet conservatives are now clawing back with the same old hateful narratives about queer people. Heck, they’ve even rolled back out the whole “Gay Agenda” trope. I know, that old chestnut. As if my agenda was anything other than going to work, paying my bills, snuggling my pets and obsessively watching the last season of “Killing Eve.”

Here we are seven years after the Right lost the so-called culture war on gay marriage, and they are ABSOLUTELY attacking our right to existence again. And that includes our hard-fought right to legally marry. (Heck, they’re attacking the right of interracial straight couples to legally marry. So, you know, no “other” is safe.) More and more GOP-led states will no doubt rush to pass similar “Don’t Day Gay” bills like the one Florida’s loathsome oaf of a governor signed into law this week.

And as the GOP receives rightful pushback on these ugly lies about us, they keep falling back on hateful, disgusting language from the past. They claim these aren’t “Don’t Say Gay” bills, they’re “Anti-Grooming” bills. Let me say with every last ounce of respectability left in my body, fuck off with that hateful bullshit forever.

It’s almost heartening, almost, that these homophobes can’t think of any new lies about us. I mean that we’re pedo groomers intent on molesting your children? Come on, that’s so Anita Bryant circa 1977.

The coded language of Right-Wing attacks is a gross throwback. They search for anything other to scare people with, often on phony “moral” (read: “Family Values”) grounds. They fuel hatred against us to get more votes. Period. That’s why anti-trans bills have been all the rage. Banning trans youth from playing sports. Banning trans people from using public bathrooms. Banning trans youth from receiving healthcare. Heck, Arizona pulled a twofer yesterday and banned BOTH trans youth playing sports and trans youth access to gender-affirming care.

And then they wonder why the anxiety, depression, self-harm and suicide rates for trans youth are so tragically high. What could it be? Could it be large segments of society trying to legislate trans people out of existence while painting us as perverted others? It’s a real stumper, just ask Republican South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem who responded “I don’t know” about the sky-high depression among trans youth in her state while signing a bill banning those same trans youth from playing sports.

Indeed the Right’s outrage about a lot of things today — especially so-called Cancel Culture (which should really just be called Consequences for One’s Actions) — can be boiled down quite succinctly to this. They don’t get to freely mock and bully the people they used to be able to freely mock and bully. And they’re pretty mad about that because mocking and bullying people other than themselves gave them that instant hit of dopamine they were apparently lacking in their own sorry lives. All they have left is their unfounded sense of superiority over those they once got to belittle and berate out of public life.

In the end, the truth couldn’t be clearer. One side wants to take us, kicking and screaming, back to a time when their supremacy in the world order was unquestioned and their ability to bash anyone different was unabated. One side is banning books. One side is banning the accurate teaching of our country’s racist past (and present). And one side is trying to ban an entire group of human beings from being able to peaceably exist (or go to the bathroom, or play sports).

Which side of history do you want to be on? It shouldn’t be a hard question for anyone with a working sense of empathy. Give more people a full place at the table, not fewer. Always.

The one thing I know for sure is that we won’t shrink away from our rightful place in this society. We belong. We’re here, we’re queer. And no matter what these hatemongers want, we’re not going anywhere. Get used to it.