Ellen brought a 5 year old geography genius on her show and this happened. i cannot. i cantb breeathe pic.twitter.com/FZz1OsLVjW
— frida (@frostymendes) March 17, 2017
How bad have things gotten? Well, even 5-year-olds knows our current president is a joke. Speaking of jokes, this one is pretty good. Gotta laugh to keep from, I don’t know, smashing everything in sight and then crying endlessly. Or however else you cope. Happy weekend, all.
So everything is bad, except for this, which is good. This year keeps bringing new, real horrors. (Let’s see, the GOP congress has voted to OK polluting streams, killing hibernating animals and selling your online browsing history. Oh, and Donald fucking Trump is president.) But, this, this is a good thing amid the terrible. Entertainment Weekly reunited almost (alas, no Giles or Faith, alas) the entire cast of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” And it was glorious. On the anniversary date earlier this month I already waxed on (and off – sorry, wrong nostalgia) about what the show has meant to me. But, as I said on Autostraddle, the best thing the Buffy did was open generations up to the radical realization that there is no such thing as just a girl.
So with this reunion, I just want to sit back and enjoy. Also, Willow and Tara Alyson and Amber look great, no? I am just pretending Oz isn’t there. Also I guess they had to leave Miss Kitty Fantastico at home.
Remember when we used to watch dystopian fiction for fun and relaxation instead of as instruction manuals for the resistance? Yeah, so do I. But here we are and here is the latest trailer for “The Handmaid’s Tale.” I will be recapping this series for Autostraddle and am both excited and anxious about the task ahead. Excited because it looks excellent and anxious because in this political climate it’s possible to be almost a little too on the nose. Like when a roomful of white men sits around discussing whether health insurance should have to cover women’s maternity care and women’s preventative care or not. Yeah. Like I was saying, a little on the nose.
Imagine, if you will, an alternate timeline. A timeline where Emma Thompson goes out on a date with Donald Trump in 1998 after he calls her out of the blue while she is in her trailer. A timeline where they then fall in love and get married. A timeline where he finally realizes women are not just trophies to acquire or objects to ogle or things to serve him. A timeline where he finally learns that women are real human people who can be smart and funny and wonderful. A timeline where having a good, decent person in his life who is not a paid sycophants or a family member benefiting from his constant nepotism actually makes a difference. A timeline where then for the next 18 years instead of brooding about how to obtain more wealth and how to show off his power and how to vanquish his enemies, he just lives a quiet, happy life. A timeline where he stops feeling inadequate. A timeline where he stops worrying if his father ever loved him. Hell, a timeline where he even stops hating black and brown and foreign people. A timeline where he votes for Barack Obama – twice. Imagine, imagine if those butterfly wings had fluttered slightly faster how different our universe’s timeline could be.
Just kidding. I wouldn’t wish Donald Trump on anyone, let alone anyone as lovely as Emma Thompson.
Well this is perhaps the most joyful start to any week since Jan. 20. Actress Samira Wiley and writer Lauren Morelli got married over the weekend. The couple who have been the real-life resident lovebirds of “Orange Is the New Black” since 2014 announced their engagement last October. And now they’ve tied the knot in lovely white outfits by Christian Siriano with an official write-up in Martha Stewart Weddings and everything. And there was apparently confetti. Come on, how fun and lovely and glorious is that? Mazel tov to the happy couple. May they have a long and wonderful life together filled with all the confetti life can throw at them.
IDGAF Frances McDormand is my favorite Frances McDormand of all. And in the new trailer for “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri,” No Fucks To Give Frances is her finest form. Now that’s a way to kick start a weekend. Happy weekend, all.
Look, this is also an ad. But, like the one that started out our week, this one is at least an ad worth watching. Why? A couple reasons. First, there has been far too little Helen Mirren on these pages recently. And you all know how much a love a great dame. And second, Helen Mirren is speaking French. And you all know how much I love to see a great dame speaking French. So here you go. Deux grandes choses qui vont bien ensemble.
Just a reminder that Anne Hathaway is ridiculously talented. Sure, she gets flack for having the audacity to both a) try bard hard and b) be a woman. But, and I repeat, she is ridiculously talented. First, she can lip sync better than any other celebrity in the world. And now (yes, I know this video is old, but its new to me) she can rap better than any one who was the star of something called “The Princess Diaries” should ever be able to rap. Yeah, bring your Anne Hathaway hate. Because she can take it, and bring it. Oh, can she bring it.
After a full day of adulating yesterday (kittens, I bought a lawnmower and everything), I feel the need to return to some joyful abandon. And there’s no joyful abandon better than deeply weird joyful abandon. So please enjoy this reprise of “Outside Bones” by your friend and mine, Mr. Titus Andromedon. FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT!
p.s. This still technically counts as lesbian content because of Judy Gold’s priceless reaction.
Damn, Down Under. You just made me straight-up cry. In my ongoing effort to start each week with a little joy, here is a little love from our friends in New Zealand and Australia. Yeah, I know it’s an ad from a bank. But when it has an emotional hold like this, who can resist? Happy Monday, kittens.
Since this is my trailer week, how about a trailer for a fake movie I would really watch? I don’t know how this escaped me the first time around. But now that another one of these in in the theaters, why not? As fun as it is to poke fun at lesbian stereotypes, the deleted scene is actually my favorite. Though, come on gay ladies - who flushes a tampon? Happy weekend, all.
So this is my week to post trailers, apparently. Next up, the new trailer for “American Gods.” The new series from Bryan Fuller (Mr. “Pushing Daisies,” “Hannibal,” “Wonderfalls”) looks…well, it certainly looks. It actually might blend the two sides of Fuller perfects – the fantastical and the carnagetastical. I won’t pretend to super understand the premise (nor have I read the Neil Gaiman on which it is based). But, looks like we’ve got a ton of old gods fighting a ton of new gods resulting in bloods – so much blood. The first two trailers are very, very (very, very, very) dude heavy. But the good news is we get our first glimpse of Kristin Chenoweth as Easter. Cheno in this bloods and battle show? I know, it’s crazypants. But the person they probably purposely left out, and why I’m extra intrigued, is Gillian Anderson stars as Media. We have only seen a couple teaser shots of her so far as Media (dressed as Marilyn Monroe, no less, because her character takes the form of celebrities apparently). So what do you think? Cheno and Gillian together sealing the whole bloody deal? We shall see.
Well, add another thing to the annals of “Men Ruin Everything.” Here we have a perfectly good movie about Amazon life in Themyscira, and then, boom, a dude drops in and everything goes to hell. Fine, so maybe he doesn’t ruin everything. Like, I’m still pretty excited to see this movie and rejoice in all the Amazonian badassery. Robin Wright! Connie Nielsen! Lucy Davis not an Amazon, but very funny)! I’m not 100 percent sure what accent they’re all affecting. (Like, are they trying to copy Gal Gadot’s natural accent?) Also, no sign of the signature spin.
But, yeah, I’m still totally into it.
So remember yesterday when I was like, “THIS MOVIE TRAILER IS MY REASON TO LIVE?” Of course you do, it is also now yours. Well here’s another movie trailer which is not exactly life affirming (actually sorta the exact opposite), but I still have a keen interest in for a number of reasons – as well as one very big reservation.
Reasons to love in no particular order:
- Scarlett Johansson, love her plus she is sporting the hair that has led to all sorts of amazing red carpet amazingness.Reason to not love:
- Kate McKinnon, obviously love her and her mystery accent (like, I think it is Australian, but then maybe not).
- Ilana Glazer, clearly love her.
- Zoë Kravitz, again love her even though it makes me feel a little weird because I also loved her mom.
- Jillian Bell, I don’t really know her that well but she certainly seems if not entirely lovable then very funny.
- Written and directed by Lucia Aniello from “Broad City,” which duh, I love.
- Seriously, the whoops we killed a stripper thing? The whole, oh no, we have to get rid of the body thing? The world doesn’t really need a gender swapped “Very Bad Things” and/or “The Hangover,” but with more murder. How about you pack all these very, very funny and talented women into a movie that doesn’t feel derivative and dismissive of the lives of sex workers, eh?So, what do you think? And, for real, what is Kate’s accent? And is it gone there at the end? What’s happening, girl? Just kidding, you know I still love you. Call me (with whatever accent you want).
Well, holy fuck. Looks like I have something else to live for in 2017. Look, sometimes something comes into your life you had no idea you needed. Like Cate Blanchett forgetting her gloves on a department store counter. But then, once you’ve seen it, you have no idea how you ever lived without it. Like, how you never knew you wanted to see Charlize Theron play a bisexual superspy who can kill me with her bare hands, but now you can think of literally nothing else in the entire universe you want to see more? Say hello to “Atomic Blonde.”
Look, I have no idea whether this film will be any good. It’s from the director of “John Wick,” which a lot of people love but I have steadfastly avoided because doesthedogdie.com told me dog death is an integral part of the plot. As I do not see any canine companions in this trailer, I will take my chances. Also, there’s that whole bit about her getting very hot and very sweaty with a French female spy which, oh la la. (p.s. oh la la is obviously code for I rewound that part four times, please, like you didn’t). And, regardless, spending two hours or so staring at Charlize’s face, bruised or otherwise, is never a bad use of one’s time. So, yeah, hello to my new reason to live until at very least summer 2017.
If you were to distill “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” down to one scene, it would be the beginning of “The Gift.” The fifth season finale opens with a teenage boy running for his life into a dark alley. Behind him a vampire stalks, ready for the easy kill. And then a side door opens and this young blond woman pops her head out casually. The boy begs her to get help, or run. The demon thinks she’ll make a nice snack. She then proceeds to summarily kick his ass and save the boy. The cowering teen looks at her afterward bewildered and says, “How’d you do that? … You’re just a girl?” That’s right. Underestimate girls at your own peril, monsters.
“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” turns 20 today, and it will go down in history as a show with a silly name that demanded we take women and girls seriously. The silly name, you see, was very much the point. The series was always about defying people’s expectations, specifically those placed on women and girls.
Over at Autostraddle several of the writers celebrated the show’s anniversary and discussed what the show meant to them, yours truly included. You can check it out right here.
What Buffy means to women, smashing the “just a girl” paradigm, is intricately bound to what Buffy means to me as a gay woman. Buffy was the first show to show me what it meant to fall in love as a gay woman. Not just what it meant to come out, not just what it meant to be gay. But what it meant to find someone you liked, fear they might not like (or love like) you, realize they do and then rejoice in your love. It was intoxicating to watch every week. It was, in so many ways, a lifeline. A validation that you weren’t the only one feeling those extra flamey feelings – or wanting to feel those extra flamey feelings. Yes, there was the whole tragic death at your true moment of happiness thing.
Buffy was also the first show to get me into TV fandoms. It was the first online community that I embraced and made me understand the power of loving a show together. Yes, I was a member of the Kitten Board. Hell, I even bought a T-shirt.
So for all those reasons, and for so many more, Buffy will always be the chosen show in my life. And it is a reminder that there is never such a things as “Just a girl.” We’re all extraordinary, in our own ways. And can – if given a chance – save the world. Maybe even a lot. Happy weekend, all.
Hey, here’s some good gay news! We’re about to get what sounds like some primo period-piece lesbian television content. HBO and BBC One are teaming up to create “Shibden Hall,” a new eight-part drama series created and written by Sally Wainwright of “Last Tango in Halifax” and “Happy Valley” fame. The drama is based on the real life of English landowner and prolific diarist Anne Lister. Set in 1832, the drama follows the “charismatic, single-minded, swashbuckling” Lister who “walked like a man, dressed head-to-foot in black, and charmed her way into high society” and he plans to marry a woman. See! Gay stuff! Gay!
Now, those of you who pay attention to gay stuff on the television will remember that this is not the BBC’s first shot at Anne Lister. Back in 2010, BBC produced the TV movie “The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister” about her life. Interestingly, none of the mainstream media reports on the new project mentioned this fact, but us gay ladies never forget.
I can’t say I love, loved “The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister.” It was a tad melodramatic and had a lot of wailing in anguish. The new miniseries has a fine pedigree with Wainwright at the helm (and she also has some lesbo street cred from “Last Tango in Halifax”). And the BBC certainly has a thing for lesbian period pieces (see “Tipping the Velvet,” “Fingersmith,” “Affinity,” et al). So time will tell. But, hey, more ladies being swashbuckling, gender-bending and super gay on TV is always a good thing.
Here is the trailer for the previously produced “The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister,” as a refresher.
So it's A Day Without A Woman Day. We are being encouraged to wear red, not engage in paid and/or unpaid work if possible and not spend money unless at small, woman or minority-owned businesses. So here I am doing my part.
And, to put you in the mood, here is a fella singing a little strike music for you. Enjoy, ladies. See you on the flips side.
Filled with existential dread about the destruction of our democracy? Here is an otter saying hello. pic.twitter.com/uMM08H4BLk
— Dorothy Snarker (@dorothysnarker) March 3, 2017
Oof. I spent a sleepless night tossing and turning with nightmares/realities about the Trump cabinet pillaging our society's most essential institutions. And then today, the GOP Obamacare repeal bill proves once and for all they are the party that believes poor people don't deserve health care while rich people do deserve tax cuts. I need to stare at this otter saying hello to shake my unending despair about the destruction of our democracy. Hello, otter. Thank you.
It’s important, now more than ever, to start each week on a high note. And this song is a very, very, very high note. Granted, there are no lesbians. Or any discernable ladies. And, yes, there is an overabundance of white boy facial hair. But I am willing to overlook Passenger’s shortcomings because of the content of the lyrics these characters wrote. This is the jauntiest little protest song you ever did hear. And I’d be willing to wager you’ll be humming this wonderful ditty all week long. Given our new, illegitimate president plans to sign his new, illegitimate Muslim Ban, today, I say we all give it a full-throated sing along. Happy Monday resistance, kittens.
As Trump readies his new – though certainly no less terrible – Muslim Ban, I thought it might be a good time to share Valerie’s Letter again. For no reason, really. Just totally out of the blue, actually. Apropos of nothing, truly. I just felt like remembering my favorite part of “V for Vendetta.” You know, the part where the lesbian prisoner scribbles her life story out for someone to find about how she had roses and kisses but then war and authoritarianism and ominous sounding policies like the “Articles of Allegiance” happened and different became dangerous and they took people from their homes and their beds and now there are no roses just despair and ultimately death. Yeah, that part.
It’s not because we have a new president hell-bent on declaring the “others” the enemy with ominous sounding policies like V.O.I.C.E. (which stands for Victims Of Immigration Crime Engagement, which even grammatically is wrong beyond belief). It’s also not because he has commissioned the Department of Homeland Security to publish regular lists of supposed immigrant crimes. It’s not because his policies are having people snatched for deportation from hospitals and churches and courthouses and press conferences by ICE agents overjoyed at their new freewheeling authority. Never mind reports that show immigrants are actually less likely to commit crimes than native-born citizens. Never mind that publishing lists of Jewish crimes was something done to foment hatred toward them during World War II by the actual, goddamn Nazis. None of this matters when there’s an “other” to hate, apparently. But, again, there’s no reason I felt like sharing this clip today. I just wanted to watch Valerie and Ruth and all those beautiful roses, I guess. Happy weekend, all.
So last week NASA discovers 7 new possibly life-sustaining planets in the TRAPPIST-1 system. And this week we get the new trailer for “Alien” Covenant.” It’s the second in the planned “Alien” prequel series (the first was “Prometheus” which, somehow, I did not realize was an “Alien” prequel in the first place…) Anyway, it all looks kinda grim and very face-huggy (and back splitty – gross). Though I do like the gender parity, which I guess is a necessity if you are going to start a whole new civilization from scratch and all. But, yeah, needless to say things do not seem to go as planned. Also, space suits, people. Space suits. Still, despite the apparent carnage, given how things are going on Earth, if given the choice to colonize a new planet I’d probably take it. I mean, we’ve got face-eaters here, too. They’re just a tiny bit less literal.
p.s. I think the whole “colonize” other planets thing excludes the possibility for us gays to tag along. But, here’s my plan, become indispensable in some other essential survival skill. Sadly, I don’t know if TV recapping is needed to terraform a new world. But, you never know.
p.p.s. Speaking of TV recapping, those “The Good Fight” recaps are swinging right along at Autostraddle. You can check them out here.
One of the only positives out of our new political nightmare is the number of people – everyday folks, famous folks, semi-famous folks – who are coming out to resist. Sure, it sucks that it takes a staggeringly unqualified, unhinged, untruthful and uncompassionate man ascending to the most powerful position in the world to finally make so many speak up. But who has time for quibbles when basic civil rights and the very definition of facts are at stake. Some people, more than makes sense really, love to tell celebrities to shut up. We don’t want to hear your opinions! Shut up and dance and/or act and/or sing! Strangely, these same angry people don’t scream this when those Duck Dynasty guys or Ted Nugent or Chachi or DONALD FUCKING TRUMP WHO IS A REALITY TV STAR YOU FUCKING DUMBASS HYPOCRITES do the exact same thing.
*deep cleaning breath, hold it for 10 seconds, hold it for 10 seconds more, another 10, start turning blue, grind your teeth, and release*
Anyway. I, for one, think celebrities have just as much right to voice their opinions as us unfamous rabble. They pay taxes, they vote, they are real, live human people. In fact, in the face of such an unprecedented attack on the very foundation of our democracy (again, President Bannon full-on spelled it and said his goal is destruction – DESTRUCTION), I feel it is imperative they do.
I won’t lie, I was even a little disappointed there wasn’t more fiery talk at the Oscars. Sure, there were subtle (and a few less subtle) mentions. But nothing high profile à la Meryl and her “take your broken heart, make it into art” glory.
Right, I swear I am getting to my point. And that is among those newly vocal, newly public celebrities is my long-time crush (first Weekend Crush, in fact) Jodie Foster. Jodie has long been intensely private, which tends to happen when a crazed man with a gun stalks you and then shoots the President of the United States to try to impress you. (p.s. two of the last four Republican presidents have been celebrities versus zero of the last four Democratic presidents, but who are star fuckers?)
But last week Jodie took part in an anti-Trump protest rally before the Oscars. Good for her. And good for all of them. Look, folks, the more people in the resistance the better. Also, funny fact, these actor types are kind of good at this whole talking in public thing. And they aren’t half bad to look at, either. Whodathunkit?