My Weekend Crush

So today we have a good news, bad news situation. Because I want to send you into your weekend on a good note, we’ll deal with the bad first. Bad news, guys, they probably won’t be making a “Ghostbusters” sequel. The all-female reboot that made manbabies shit themselves has apparently not done well enough at the box office for the studio to proceed. Because it was such an affront to their fragile manhood to allow four smart, funny, talented women to play roles once occupied exclusively by men, we now don’t get to find out how these ladies would have dealt with Zuul. Well, at least we got to ruin all those men’s childhoods along the way.

So now, the good news. A new “Oceans Eleven” spinoff is in the works, but this time with an all-female cast. YES! YES! BRING ME ALL THE MEN’S CHILDHOODS TO RUIN! I know, that alone seems delicious enough. But wait until you get a load of this cast: Cate Blanchett, Sandra Bullock, Anne Hathaway, Rihanna, Helena Bonham Carter, Mindy Kaling and Awkwafina. HOLY SHIT, GUYS. GIVE IT TO ME NOW NOW NOW NOW. This news is so exciting on so many levels including but not limited to anything to do with a gloved or ungloved Cate Blanchett, two Asian cast members, freaking Rihanna, etc. etc. etc. The only question now is who will be No. 8? ? I have a few suggestions: Helen Mirren, Angela Bassett, Kathy Baker, Kate McKinnon, Tilda freaking Swinton.

For all those who criticize the idea of an “all-female” anything, just think for a minute. Really think. No one calls “Saving Private Ryan” and “all-male war movie” or “Reservoir Dogs” an “all-male crime caper” or “The Hangover” an “all-male gross-out comedy.” Yet, that’s what they are. And, also, pretty much, all-white to boot. The reason male is the default isn’t because male is the default experience for the world. Quite the opposite considering women make up 51 percent of the global population. It’s because of years, decades, centuries, eons of systematic and institutional conditioning to construct society in a way that benefits one and only one group of people. Dudes.

So in light of both this good news and bad news this weekend, I just want to remind menfolk at home of one thing. When women enter into what was perceived as men’s spaces it is, in fact, not an assault on your personhood. Not in the least. Instead, and this is important, it is a validation of women’s personhood.

You see? You see how that works? The world is meant to share. And, if you take even a tiny step back, you can see how ridiculous it is that we don’t. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. While we’re on the subject of men being terrible, please enjoy these women explaining why they aren’t funny. Hey, if I’m already a man-hating lesbian, best to play the part thoroughly.