My Weekend Orange Crush

So if you’re a gay lady and were anywhere near the Internet yesterday you probably already watched the new “Orange Is the New Black” Season 3 trailer like 3,000 times – possibly more. You’ve also probably already made your food delivery order plans for June 12. But, hey, that’s still a long-ass way away (56 days and counting, yo) let’s go ahead and dissect everything we can from this first trailer. If we can process and argument about doing the dishes for a day and a half, we can certainly spare 15 minutes for this. Happy weekend, all.



1) They Got The Band Back Together

Taystee, Poussey & Black Cindy look thick as thieves again. Not that I’m saying they’re all thieves. Wait, wasn’t that what Black Cindy is in for? Anyway, metaphor withdrawn. I’m just happy they look so happy together again.

2) Big No

Oh, Big Boo. What? Butch down, BUTCH DOWN.

3) Major Headlights

You know you want to know exactly what Flaca told Maritza that made those nips stand at attention.

4) Turnabout Is Fair…

Yeah, Alex, we know how you’re back here. We know exactly how. Though, I am curious how she got that shiner.

5) Once Upon a Mattress

Hey, what happened to their mattresses?

6) A Rose is a Flirt

Look, I’m as much Pipex/Vauseman as the next gay gal, but I also approve of this Ruby Rose flirting. I approve very much.

7) Where’s the Beef?

Dammit, are Gloria and Sophia fighting? Can’t we all just get along?

8) Big Tucky? Pennsaboo?

I approve of this Big Boo/ Pennsatucky friendship. I really, really do.

9) Give Peace a Chance

Aw, man, Tank Girl and Piper are fighting, too?

10) Love Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry for Hitting it With Two Other People and Aliens

Oh, Crazy Eyes, how I’ve missed you so.

BONUS: Man, after watching “Going Clear” I’m even less OK with Scientology, but damn, if Laura Prepon isn’t still on my “Free Pass” list. I can’t help it. Alex Vause can get it.



p.s. Yo, is that Vee in the background of No. 6? I was such a lesbian I did not notice because, you know, Ruby Rose.