“I can think of no better way to bid adieu to 2011 thank with a little tousled Winslet.”
Snarks darling, your usually impeccable grammar seems to be failing you? Have celebrations begun early this year in California?! Or, have those Illuminati bastards shifted the international LESBIAN dateline without telling us?!!!
“What a year, kittens, what a year.” Meow you lovely pussies you!!! :D
Two things have occurred since my last dispatch. The first being that sales of ‘Annie Hall’ have shot through the ruddy roof! :D The second being that I have received a flurry of enquiries asking after my AE avatar. In order to save time I shall respond to these here if that’s alright with you Snarks?
No darlings, IT IS NOT ME!!! I know it is almost 2012, but surely to God you should still able to spot a MAN when you see one?! :)
Yes darlings, ever since that charming force of nature we all know and love (and propose to!) burst into my life changing it utterly and quite irrevocably overnight (ooer!), the vast majority of my lovers have been female. However, I must confess there have been a handful of quite spectacular exceptions to that rule; darling Bill Hicks being a fond highlight.
Picking a deceased (sob!!!) favourite ex-boyfriend for my AE avatar? I agree; it is perhaps not the most conventional of choices. Some may even accuse me of being wantonly and perversely ironic? Frankly darlings, I don’t give a damn!!! I *loved* that man and that’s all there is to it! Besides, there is a compelling case to be made for mitigating circumstances.
Bill was not my first choice. No, my first choice was a rather nice (even if I do say so myself!) profile portrait taken during a recent Testino session. I even procured the latest word in super-deluxe-ultra-high-resolution scanners just for the purpose. However, could I get the damned thing to work? Could I hell!!! (I hate computers, don’t you darlings?) No matter what I tried, the damn thing stubbornly refused to cooperate! It just would not go!!! Yes darlings, it *was* plugged in. This was evidenced rather dramatically when, after grappling with the damn thing for what felt like ruddy hours, in a fit of white hot rage I gave the blighter a satisfyingly solid kick. It responded first by emitting a rather offensive atonal whining sort of a noise, before expelling a bucket’s worth of angry sparks into the air! (Had I not ducked in time, I suspect I would now be shelling out a fortune keeping myself in fashionable wigs.) The climax of its stupid tantrum came when the selfish beast decided it was going to exit the world by way of self immolation. Never one for modesty or understatement, it met its maker right there in the middle of my front room in one of the most impressive fireballs I have seen this side of Vietnam! That would have been all very well; except for the fact the damn thing took my lovely picture with it!!! (I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE computers don’t you darlings?! Do I think those Illuminati villains booby trapped it? I certainly wouldn’t put such evil schemes past them!) Had it not been for the fact that a coat belonging to a… um… overnight guest had been to hand Lord knows what might have happened?! Anyway, disaster was narrowly averted by smothering the bloody thing in dead mink. Taking no chances I then tossed the still smouldering mess out the nearest window onto the pavement below. Later, Julie Andrews tried to claim it had impacted her shoulder on the way down. Darlings, I *know* (and my lawyers were *successfully* able to argue!) that it missed her by a whole 7 inches!!! Publicity seeking bi- *Cough ahem* Crashing on!
By this point I had reached such a fever pitch of agitation that there was nothing else for it but to dash out and but my first packet of Capstans in almost 4 months. (Something of an on-going battle that one I’m afraid darlings.) I went through that damn pack in precisely 25 minutes! Under the circumstances I am not at all surprised darling Bill came to mind…
While we’re on the topic of AE. Snarks darling, what are those rotters playing at?! Don’t tell me they are seriously considering denying the ‘Charming Chicas’ fans our richly deserved lap of honour?! If that is indeed the case, I would have to say it’s damned unsporting of them! Damned unsporting!!! Some of us have put a lot of work into the team celebrations; ‘Three cheers for the Charming Chicas! Rah! Rah! Rah!’ etc. :D
Yeah!! I'll take a litle touseled Winslet and a side of handsy Blanchette anyday, anytime!!
P.S.
There is no one better than Winslet than Winslet in Eternal Sunshine of the Blasted Spotted Mind? Did I get that right? And then, one of her first forays, she played a budding young adventurous lesbian? Forgot the name of that one. They both kept getting in all kinds of trouble, I know that. You know the old saying, wherever a lessie goes, trouble follows ... :D
P.S.
Dear PD: You need some geeky IT expert at your castle of fun, I think. Or at the very least some smoke alarms. I do worry.
PSSS: 2012 is going to be fabulous for kittiens! Come back to us Ms. Dorothy Snarks.
I can think of no better way to bid adieu to 2011 than with a little tousled Winslet. What a year, kittens, what a year.
Thanks for being here doing this. I really enjoy reading this blog.
ReplyDeleteHoping the next year of your life is the best so far!
Again, thank you.
ReplyDelete“I can think of no better way to bid adieu to 2011 thank with a little tousled Winslet.”
ReplyDeleteSnarks darling, your usually impeccable grammar seems to be failing you? Have celebrations begun early this year in California?! Or, have those Illuminati bastards shifted the international LESBIAN dateline without telling us?!!!
“What a year, kittens, what a year.”
Meow you lovely pussies you!!! :D
PD
Good evening darlings!
ReplyDeleteTwo things have occurred since my last dispatch. The first being that sales of ‘Annie Hall’ have shot through the ruddy roof! :D The second being that I have received a flurry of enquiries asking after my AE avatar. In order to save time I shall respond to these here if that’s alright with you Snarks?
No darlings, IT IS NOT ME!!! I know it is almost 2012, but surely to God you should still able to spot a MAN when you see one?! :)
Yes darlings, ever since that charming force of nature we all know and love (and propose to!) burst into my life changing it utterly and quite irrevocably overnight (ooer!), the vast majority of my lovers have been female. However, I must confess there have been a handful of quite spectacular exceptions to that rule; darling Bill Hicks being a fond highlight.
Picking a deceased (sob!!!) favourite ex-boyfriend for my AE avatar? I agree; it is perhaps not the most conventional of choices. Some may even accuse me of being wantonly and perversely ironic? Frankly darlings, I don’t give a damn!!! I *loved* that man and that’s all there is to it! Besides, there is a compelling case to be made for mitigating circumstances.
Bill was not my first choice. No, my first choice was a rather nice (even if I do say so myself!) profile portrait taken during a recent Testino session. I even procured the latest word in super-deluxe-ultra-high-resolution scanners just for the purpose. However, could I get the damned thing to work? Could I hell!!! (I hate computers, don’t you darlings?) No matter what I tried, the damn thing stubbornly refused to cooperate! It just would not go!!! Yes darlings, it *was* plugged in. This was evidenced rather dramatically when, after grappling with the damn thing for what felt like ruddy hours, in a fit of white hot rage I gave the blighter a satisfyingly solid kick. It responded first by emitting a rather offensive atonal whining sort of a noise, before expelling a bucket’s worth of angry sparks into the air! (Had I not ducked in time, I suspect I would now be shelling out a fortune keeping myself in fashionable wigs.) The climax of its stupid tantrum came when the selfish beast decided it was going to exit the world by way of self immolation. Never one for modesty or understatement, it met its maker right there in the middle of my front room in one of the most impressive fireballs I have seen this side of Vietnam! That would have been all very well; except for the fact the damn thing took my lovely picture with it!!! (I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE computers don’t you darlings?! Do I think those Illuminati villains booby trapped it? I certainly wouldn’t put such evil schemes past them!) Had it not been for the fact that a coat belonging to a… um… overnight guest had been to hand Lord knows what might have happened?! Anyway, disaster was narrowly averted by smothering the bloody thing in dead mink. Taking no chances I then tossed the still smouldering mess out the nearest window onto the pavement below. Later, Julie Andrews tried to claim it had impacted her shoulder on the way down. Darlings, I *know* (and my lawyers were *successfully* able to argue!) that it missed her by a whole 7 inches!!! Publicity seeking bi- *Cough ahem* Crashing on!
By this point I had reached such a fever pitch of agitation that there was nothing else for it but to dash out and but my first packet of Capstans in almost 4 months. (Something of an on-going battle that one I’m afraid darlings.) I went through that damn pack in precisely 25 minutes! Under the circumstances I am not at all surprised darling Bill came to mind…
While we’re on the topic of AE. Snarks darling, what are those rotters playing at?! Don’t tell me they are seriously considering denying the ‘Charming Chicas’ fans our richly deserved lap of honour?! If that is indeed the case, I would have to say it’s damned unsporting of them! Damned unsporting!!! Some of us have put a lot of work into the team celebrations; ‘Three cheers for the Charming Chicas! Rah! Rah! Rah!’ etc. :D
PD
Yeah!! I'll take a litle touseled Winslet and a side of handsy Blanchette anyday, anytime!!
ReplyDeleteP.S.
There is no one better than Winslet than Winslet in Eternal Sunshine of the Blasted Spotted Mind? Did I get that right? And then, one of her first forays, she played a budding young adventurous lesbian? Forgot the name of that one. They both kept getting in all kinds of trouble, I know that. You know the old saying, wherever a lessie goes, trouble follows ... :D
P.S.
Dear PD: You need some geeky IT expert at your castle of fun, I think. Or at the very least some smoke alarms. I do worry.
PSSS: 2012 is going to be fabulous for kittiens! Come back to us Ms. Dorothy Snarks.
Clearly I spend way too much time on Facebook because I just tried to "like" this post.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year!