Three makes a (very gay) trend

There is an unwritten tenet of journalism, universally regarded as scientific fact, that three makes a trend. Three occurrences of any natural, unnatural, man-made, woman-made, mammalian, reptilian, Brazilian, technological, evangelical or celestial events signal a shift in the universe and is therefore worth reporting on. Ask any journalist friend, she’ll tell you. So imagine my joy when the blessed triumvirate landed on my second favorite gay trend: An actress playing gay. (p.s. The first is, naturally, a celebrity actually coming out as gay.) In the past few weeks not one, not two but the magical THREE actresses have signed on to play gay. They are: Emily Deschanel, Linda Hamilton and Ellen Page. Friendly straight friends who visit this blog, that sound you hear is the slow, primal growl of gay ladies everywhere imagining the possibilities. So which role is the most promising? Let’s dissect.

Emily Deschanel

Emily will star in the new flick “The Perfect Family,” alongside Kathleen Turner, Jason Ritter, Michael McGrady and Richard Chamberlain. The story chronicles a devout Catholic mother and wife (played by Turner) who is trying to prove she has a “Perfect family” after she has been nominated for the church’s top award. According to Variety, Emily plays her daughter, a successful lawyer, closeted lesbian who is five months pregnant and “struggles when it comes time to telling her mother the truth.” Now, straight friends, that groan you hear is the sound of thousands of lesbians screaming “NOT ANOTHER PREGNANT LESBIAN STORYLINE!” Still, it’s the gorgeous Emily Deschanel playing a lesbian. So I will grumble yet still buy a ticket.

Linda Hamilton

Linda will join the cast of Showtime’s “Weeds” for a multi-episode stint this season as a lesbian. According to Entertainment Weekly, Linda will play “an eco-conscious marijuana grower who, along with her life partner Fiona, helps Nancy 's endeavors in Seattle take bloom.” Sarah Connor as a pothead lesbian? Yes, please – especially if she single-armedly cocks a shotgun at least once during her story arc. Hey, it could happen, just because you’re eco-friendly doesn’t mean you won’t defend your marijuana crop from marauding rivals by any means necessary. Now I’m just dying to know who plays her life partner Fiona. As long as Showtime seems to be in the business of wish fulfillment, how about Lena Headey? The two Sarah Connors together at last. Hey, don’t judge me – I’m a dreamer.

Ellen Page

The long (LONG) gestating feature film adaptation of the Oscar-winning documentary “Freeheld” is finally moving forward with Ellen Page starring in the true story of a terminally-ill lesbian's struggle to pass her pension benefits to her partner, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Ellen would play Stacie Andree, the partner to New Jersey police detective Laurel Hester who successfully sued the department to win survivor benefits after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. This has the potential to be the biggest, most impactful of all the roles. It’s also getting a big boost from Oscar-nominated “Philadelphia” scribe Ron Nyswaner, who is writing the screenplay. Having such a talented young star agree to star in such a powerful, real-life story about the struggle gays and lesbians face to get equal rights is, in a word, HUGE. My hopes for this project could not be higher. And I’m already stocking up on Kleenex to hold back the inevitable waterworks this production will inspire.

So, which role has you most excited? And now that having A-List actresses play gay is a bona fide trend, who should be next? Hello, Tina Fey. She turned 40 yesterday. What better way to celebrate that milestone than by getting it on with the ladies? Like I said, I’m a dreamer.