So, here’s a good hypothetical: Is a kiss with Charlize Theron worth $140,000? Well, that depends. Tongue or no tongue? I kid, I kid. Tongue is an extra $100,000. Of course, we don’t actually have to guess whether the smooch was worth the smackeroos. Instead we can just ask the lady in the green tights who actually paid $140,000 to kiss Charlize (OK, there was also a trip to South Africa that included World Cup tickets, a safari and a meet-and-greet with Nelson Mandela included…but whatever everyone knows it was all about the kiss).
The kiss was part of a celebrity auction for ONEXONE, a charity that provides water, food, medicine, education and play to impoverished children around the world. The bidding was originally just for the trip and accoutrement but then Jeremy Piven got $280,000 for his auction item and Charlize raised the stakes. I mean, who wants to lose out to Jeremy Piven? So instead of just fetching $37,000, Charlize netted $140,000. Which is all fine and good and lovely. (No, really, I mean it. Yay, do goodery!) But, seriously, that kiss.
The fantastic things about it are many, but here are the Top Five.
- It wasn’t a gay event, yet Charlize was totally unfazed by a lady winning the bid.
- The lady in the green tights (anyone know her name, by the way?) totally went for a dip not once, but twice.
- The kiss was so long I think Charlize had to pause for air.
- The joint leg lifts.
- With any luck this will encourage more stars to auction off kisses to eager lesbians everywhere.
Actually, I think Charlize may have stumbled upon an untapped goldmine. How many lesbian and bisexual women (heck, straight girls, too) wouldn’t sell a kidney to kiss their celebrity crush? I mean, just think of the loot Olivia Wilde or Sara Ramirez or Jennifer Beals or Lena Headey or Tina Fey could raise for some worthy cause if they went to a GLBT event and auctioned off a lip-lock? But don’t even think of outbidding me on Tina. I’m already looking into the going rate for kidneys. What? I’ve got two. And it is, after all, for charity.
Oh since it's for charity... mmm
ReplyDeleteRight... For charity. Who am I kidding? I'd dish out HUGE bucks to lay one on Sara Ramirez. It's amazing how popular she got by playing gay on TV. I remember when she was just a gal in this little show called Spamalot in the City that Never Sleeps...
ReplyDeletejust wanted to say that your blog is awesome! i love it. thank you thank you thank you.
ReplyDeleteConsidering the state of the economy and how some celebrities have had to downsize, I think they are sitting on a potential goldmine.
ReplyDeleteI want to know which celebrity tops the lesbians kiss payment charts?
For $140K, I'd imagine I'd paid enough to discourage some chuzzlewit from ruining my moment by screaming numbers into a microphone like he's going to win a slot on a Sesame Street counting bee.
ReplyDeletecrustybastard - hear hear! geez, can that guy shut up? i'm trying to watch...
ReplyDeleteSnarker, you're a gem.
Whatever the cost to kiss Jennifer Beals, I'd pay it. Take a kidney or lung. Hell, let me kiss her then page Kevorkian and I'll donate my body to science. It would be a happy demise.
ReplyDeleteI'd go into jumbo mortgage-level debt if Rachel Maddow or Mariska Hargitay wanted to auction off a kiss like that!
ReplyDeleteIt was lovely to watch these two going for it. They seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the long moment.
ReplyDeletePity the video was cut off before they came up for air and faced the audience. I would have loved to have seen them post-kiss :)
Yes, can anyone find out who the woman was? Curious minds need to know!
ps. its better watching the video with the sound turned off. Just saying...
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely a disgraceful display of capitalism and white privilege. Many of you are too young to understand the implications of racial stratification but what they need in Africa is intervention to stop the civil discord, not never ending celebrity handouts which only serve to stroke the egos of the wealthy and less to address the core isues affecting Africans.
ReplyDeleteDon't assume that I am black either, assume that I hav e an advanced degree in Conflict Resolution.
Madonna is the one who should be appluaded as she is building a school in Malawi where young women and girls can sow the seeds for self sufficiency.
Charlize is pretty but NOT worth $140,000.00 for a 20 second kiss.
White people we always promote the ridiculously innecessary solely because of our race.
"which only serve to stroke the egos of the wealthy and less to address the core isues affecting Africans."
ReplyDeleteYes, it does stroke the egos of the wealthy, but these charity events do not "only serve" that purpose. Now they have $140,000 dollars more than the day before.
Anonymous (with an advanced degree in Conflict Resolution)
ReplyDelete"Charlize is pretty but NOT worth $140,000.00 for a 20 second kiss." whether or not she's worth that kind of money, is up to the giver to judge.
Sometimes $140,000 is $140,000. A celebrity's duty here is to raise funds for a good cause, to help society.
If someone's willing to donate that amount for a kiss, why not? Think of all the children who can benefit from soccer pitches and clean water from this organization.
"White people we always promote the ridiculously innecessary solely because of our race."
ReplyDeleteLet's just ignore the appalling display of grammar in this sentence for a moment and focus on addressing the sentiment. I am perfectly willing to agree with "Anonymous" (what a daring and creative nom de plume that is) that the ridiculously unnecessary is often promoted in many societies around the world. However, I run into trouble with the notion that white people take part in this promotion of the unnecessary "solely because of our race". What does that sentence even mean? Do Caucasians have some hitherto undiscovered genetic predisposition to promote unnecessary things? What an utterly laughable statement.
As far as the claim that "Madonna is the one who should be appluaded (sic)" goes, I will for a moment overlook the dubious nature of the school she funds and point out that ONEXONE, the charity Charlize Theron was raising money for, does exactly the kind of work for which you are praising Madonna.
It is worthwhile to discuss the efficacy of aid to developing countries. Or, similarly, the efficacy of celebrity involvement in charity work and fund-raising. Or to point out how sad it is that many people need to be offered the prize of a kiss or a holiday to be persuaded to part with money to help change the lives of others. However, what is not worthwhile is to make poorly constructed, broadly insulting and embarrassingly patronising comments about what "we white people" do. The only assumption I make about you, darling, is that you are a fool.
And, now that my rant is over, I have to say my personal choice for a celebrity kiss would be Jemima Rooper, for whom I would part with all internal organs as well as my life savings and most of the members of my immediate family.
Great way to raise money for a worthy cause.But i will pay one million dollard ti kiss Jennifer Beals. i am still saving for it.Jean
ReplyDeleteIn this case, the end justifies the means. If the means is Charlize Theron, I must talk to a personal banker soon :)
ReplyDeleteBlunt Spoon - Thank you for intellectually putting the conversation back into perspective. If I had the bankroll, I would give for a kiss with you.
ReplyDeleteI like Charlize Theron but not that much, to the extent of paying 140.000 dollar for only one simple kiss, maybe if it was Milla Jovovich.
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteI think, For her... this is the best option for earning money without any hard work...
Regards
Alexa