L602: “Least Likely”Cheaters vs. Martyrs. Smugs vs. Nakeds. Sanes vs. Insanes. Not since Paper vs. Plastic have the stakes been so high. Choose well and reap the rewards. Choose poorly and you could be stuck with a martyred smug insane person. Oh, wait, we already have one of those on the show. Well, if all else fails leave it to fate and let Rock, Paper, Scissors decide.
1) Welcome to your first installment of Who Wants Jenny Dead (WWJD for short, but so much less holy).
2) Really, Ilene, really? You named the DJ Sunset Boulevard? Really?
3) Of course Bette is always rock, of course.
4) You're supposed to write what you know but this is ridiculous.
5) This is exactly how Romeo and Juliet did it back in the day.
6) Someone cleans up real nice.
7) Helena is Switzerland. Nice, um, Alps.
8) What I did on my summer vacation: Slept with my awesome boyfriend, grew a kickass beard, kept up my bitching campaign to bring back the Prince Valiant cut.
9) Looks like the "Grey's Anatomy" people got their hands on "Lez Girls," too.
10) Smug Jodi? Yeah, not a fan.
11) Naked Joyce?Hello, megafan.
12) Ripped from the headlines looks bad on Max, really bad.
13) Anyone who makes Tasha and Alice go from this...
...to this is a bad, bad man.
14) But it's nothing a little Mini Cooper sex can't fix.
15) Daniela Sea must be really tired of picking up scripts and reading: “Max acts like a raging lunatic.”
16) OK, but if Screech shows up I'm leaving.
17) Check out the meat in that lesbo sandwich.
18) See, now isn't...
...this better than...
...any dumb old......
...murder mystery?
19) Oh shit, is Ellen here?
20) Well into the anger phase of grief, I see.
21) Use extreme caution when approaching the crazy.
22) The Shenny has landed. If you see a plague of locusts, run.
New Guestbian Count: Kelly (Elizabeth Berkley)
Best Line I: “You and Shane should work your shit out because this place is becoming like the black hole of Calcutta.” – Alice to Jenny
Best Line II: “Joyce! Cover your junk!” – Phyllis to Joyce
Best Line III: “Still a gay, eh Porter?” – Kelly to Bette
Never Mind All of Those, THIS Is The Best Line: “And don't get me started on the kids because where did those go?” – Alice talking about Helena
Worst Line: “Get on board, Tina. The train is not going to lezzie town.” – Skeezy producer guy
laughed my ass off about the "ellen's here"...
ReplyDeletedude me toooo!!
ReplyDeleteNever mind the others, this is the BEST line... FTW!
ReplyDeleteIt's getting more meta every moment.
Oh, awesome! Come tomorrow night I'm sure all my hopes will be brutally crushed, but at the moment I'm almost excited about the upcoming episode!
ReplyDeleteAnd Showgirls is definitely one of my guilty pleasures, but seeing Elizabeth Berkeley now I have to admit that CSI: Miami ruined her for me. Damn you, Horatio!
i agree with you
ReplyDeleteBette & Tina love scene is bettter than ...
It just gets weirder and weirder...
ReplyDeleteI'm not ashamed to admit I'll be tuning in just for the mini cooper sex...
Damn, when did Ken Burns join the cast?
ReplyDeleteOhhhh. Bette and Tina. Hot Hot Hot...
ReplyDeletefoolproof plan-
ReplyDeleteTotally agree with your Ken Burns assessment. Love it.
"Oh shit, is Ellen here?"
ReplyDeleteLOL... Hahaha
Max looks like a Beatle. What? What???
ReplyDeleteThe 60s is back now? Tasha looks awesome - bring back the suits for Bette!
I think skeezy producer guy is now working at the ABC network.
ReplyDeleteAnd...foolproof plan...HILARIOUS about the Ken Burns reference! haha Max went from Zac Efron to the PBS documentary guy in just one season!
these breakdowns make my week. Prince Valiant, aaahahahahahaha. This new reader will be sticking around.
ReplyDeleteGod, this show just gets more and more ridiculous, if that is at ALL possible... Which, apparently, it is. Whatever. I'm just in it for the Bette and Tina sex anyway.
ReplyDelete... Though you gotta love the meta. At the very least they're starting to acknowledge their plot holes... of which there are MANY.
To hell with you, DSnark. Shenny rocks!
ReplyDelete@Katherine Simon - You and every other Tibette that ever existed. At least you're being honest, now, rather than whinging on and on about 'waaaaaaah, just want one stable lesbian relationship on this shooooooow waaaaaaaaaaah!'. Too bad Tibette sex is gross and painful. Seriously, who wants to see two old, married straight women simulating lesbian sex poorly? What's hot or even remotely titillating about that?
ReplyDeleteExcellent screengrabs as usual, especially the happy/sad Alice and Tasha. You can almost hear the slide whistle.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, smug Jodi? So ugh.
Photo #20 of Rachel Shelley baring her pearly whites is kind of vampirish, no?
ReplyDeleteThe snaps of B & T engaged in millisecond sex. Why does IC insist on torturing TiBette fans by showing many painful minutes of Shenny or Jenikki sex and a whisper of TiBette hotness?
This is the second time Alice has had sex in her mini. The first time was with Dana in season 2. I love how Tasha was all like no sex til we figure things out. That looks like it flew out the window. But then again, how can one blame her, she dates Alice 'just try not to touch her' Pieszecki. Oh and Shane and Jenny together is plain wrong and flat out gross.
ReplyDeleteI had to google Prince Valiant.
ReplyDelete#13, more like bad ilene!!!! but #14 mmmm they look sooooooo hott, thats going to be great to see!
ReplyDeleteI've only watched 3 seasons... I think it's enough, isnt it? I liked it when Helena was bad.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but I had to share this:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.cemphotos.com/tx/tx-sonora/WORD_Mary_L.jpg
I stopped watching the L Word at season 2 (and am only interested in it now for Lucy Flawless in the first ep) but Ms. Snarker, reading your take on these eps seems to be so much more entertaining than watching the real thing! Bravo!
ReplyDeleteOh come on. That scene with Shane and Jenny is one of the sweetest confessions of love I've ever seen.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I'm starting to think that Ilene C is counting on some people being so invested in the idea that Jenny's lost her mind/deserves what's coming that they miss what's really going on.
Why aren't more people considering the possibility that this whole Who Killed Jenny storyline is a massive misdirect? Why is it that everyone assumes the most obvious answer is the real one?
The snaps of B & T engaged in millisecond sex. Why does IC insist on torturing TiBette fans by showing many painful minutes of Shenny or Jenikki sex and a whisper of TiBette hotness?
ReplyDeleteBecause Tibette's painfully boring story is over and now it's time for the good stuff. You got what you wanted - Tibette are together - stop bitching!
Bette & Tina are the hottest couple on this show! Their sexual appeal works on more than one level. Maybe Anonymous can't quite grasp that concept. Who knows...
ReplyDeleteNikki is a joke and Jenny and Shane is just plane absurd. But each his own.
inv
We can't fault Mama C on her continuation of one central storyline - Bette's back in those god-awful shirts. All she needs now is an eye patch and a parrot. (A-haaa, me hearties! Prepare to be boarded!!)
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said...
ReplyDeleteThe snaps of B & T engaged in millisecond sex. Why does IC insist on torturing TiBette fans by showing many painful minutes of Shenny or Jenikki sex and a whisper of TiBette hotness?
Because Tibette's painfully boring story is over and now it's time for the good stuff. You got what you wanted - Tibette are together - stop bitching!
11:19 AM
I am NOT bitching! Just commenting as I see the LW. At L5, you would have witnessed the craziness that is the TiBette Nation first hand and up close. TiBette is the straw that stirs the drink. (as Reggie Jackson once said about himself) The drink being TLW. IMHO, w/o TiBette (especially JB) not much interest in this little lesbo soap. Just my 2 cents.
Tibette is not the end all and be all of the show, regardless of what some of you gals think.
ReplyDeleteSome of us watch the show for other things and some of us are sick to death of this sense of entitlement emanating from the Tibette fans. It's not all about you!
invisigoth said...
ReplyDeleteBette & Tina are the hottest couple on this show! Their sexual appeal works on more than one level. Maybe Anonymous can't quite grasp that concept. Who knows...
Nikki is a joke and Jenny and Shane is just plane absurd. But each his own.
inv
Nikki is a joke...but Shane and Jenny is a beautiful story in the making. Finally the two least understood characters will finally find unconditional love. I for one am THRILLED that these two will finally get together.
And Tibette had their resolution. Last season. They've had their turn and now it's time for other stories to be resolved...like Shenny, which I think is long time coming.
"I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so...scared! Oh, hold me Zack Morris!"
ReplyDeleteExcellent wrap-up Ms Snarker!
Yeah, I pretty much agree with every assessment you made here. LOL
ReplyDeleteWorst Line: “Get on board, Tina. The train is not going to lezzie town.”
ReplyDelete... and somehow this line would be awesome in the context of 30 Rock, would it not?
lmfao I freakin loved Alice's lines about the kids xD
ReplyDelete