L503: “Lady of the Lake”Good morning, Lesbians. Good morning, Chaiken. Yes, that’s right, it’s time for another fun-filled episode of Chaiken’s Lesbians. Their hair is bouncy, their gaydar is deadly…accurate, that is. I’m not entirely sure why we’re seeing this (oh, wait, a fan wrote it, that’s why) but, heck, who needs opening segments to be integral to the plot, anyway? [Click to enlarge, per usual.]
1. Slo-mo running + feathered 70s hair = lesbian hilarity
2. I’ve heard some people workout as a substitute for sex. Sheesh, can’t they just eat cheesecake like the rest of us?
3. Jenny. Ugh. Just ugh.
4. Please remind them that two is company, three is a crowd.
5. Wait, did I flip over to “Bad Girls” by accident?
6. Welcome back to “Dirty Signing” with your hosts Jodi, Alice and Shane. Can you guess what today’s signs mean?
7. A broad, and not a very classy one, is back. Even her hair looks indignant.
8. Jodi’s friends, may I introduce you to Bette’s I-am-not-amused face?
9. How’s that sex substitute thing working out for you, Shane? See, should 
10. Who thinks…
…this won’t…
…end well?
11. Seriously, cheesecake.
12. So, Tina, is she a heart doctor or loooove doctor?
13. Did Pam Grier do something very bad in another life to deserve these storylines?
14. And so…
…ends Tina’s…
…dry spell…
…can we get…
…a hallelujah!
15. I mean it, was she like an evil warlord or kitten killer in a past life, because this is too much.
16. Tasha and Alice. Awww. Just awww.
17. Fare thee well, Helena Peabody. We hardly knew ya.
New Guestbian Count: 1
[Lenka Stolar as Brenda the
Best Line: “That? That is not sexy..” -- Alice reacting to the sideways “Loser” sign that means “Lesbian.”
Best Reaction: “Wow.” -- Tina to Brenda’s enhanced funbags.
Best Vocab Word: “Salubrious.” Shane, you’re looking very saluuubrious today.
EDIT: Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Sometimes, my brain isn’t properly plugged in. Like, say, always.
Oh my poor Bette, what the hell have you gotten yourself into with that woman?!
ReplyDeleteOh and Tina, I heart you. Your situation is all too familiar to me, so you go girl. And you're looking mighty fine these days.
Thanks Dorothy, for the pre-L! The time from Monday to Sunday is FAR too long these days!
"Funbags"? Ms D, we need to have a talk.
ReplyDeleteKate Looks good girly. I;d like to see her play something besides Shane with a girly look. Also the 70's pants crack me up on her because she's has the 70's body.
ReplyDeleteTina is showing all. Wow!
Did Rachel Sheeley film her tv pilot then come back for later episodes?
Bette/Jodi yawn.
I'm missing Helena already. :( I heard the pilot she did was picked up and that she'll be in s6.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ms Dorothy for the pre-L tease!
Halle-freckin'-lujah!!!
ReplyDeleteGo Tina!!!
Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!
ReplyDeleteShe's back babeeeeeeeeeeeh! Yeah!
Oh. I need to breathe. Swoooooooooooooooooooooon!
:)
Thanks for the pre-cap.
ReplyDeleteOh my..
Tee I'll take you if Bette won't.
Poor Bette!!All wet! I'm sure it's all Jodie's fault!I love Bette
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah! for Tina but i want her to have something something just with Bette
Wow...lot's of exciting stuff happening this season! I might have to start using the new lesbian sign now!!
ReplyDeleteI won't be watching this episode. Tina is gross to me and I can't watch anything involving her OTT fake sex face or nudity. I don't care if I'm missing Alice as Farrah Fawcett or the return of Peggy Peabody I can't watch this episode because of the disgusting Tina aspects.
ReplyDeleteThis show is almost dead to me now.
I think that picture of bette drenched is one of the funniest things i've seen all week. can you imagine how she will act afterwards? god i love these pre-caps. keep them coming.
ReplyDeleteNo one does sex scenes like Tina especially w/Bette. They just seem to be so into each other. It doesn't look fake at all. At least, LuH has no trouble flashing those Kennards. This season is a huge improvement over S3 for sure and even S4. It's only going to get Bette-er.
ReplyDeleteFunbags fer sure! (Although I prefer the LuH non-enhanced pair, I must say.)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the pre-L look.
Oh.my.god. What happened to my poor Bette? Jodi, you abusive, hedious, skank. To bring Bette into what looks like the Charles Manson hideout with the Charles Manson look-a-like is just too much. Enough! Bette doesn't want to be there. You can see that by the look on her face. I loathe Jodi. I cannot stomach watching her turn every love scene with Bette into a joke. She abuses Bette left and right and has caused her more grief in the short time they have been with one another. More grief than Tina and Bette caused grief for each other if you compare the length of time they have been "together". UGH.
ReplyDeleteEverything about Jodi makes my skin crawl and I feel like I have to take a shower after she is on my screen.
And, Charles Mason threw her into the lake? Look at my Bette coming out of that lake like she is broken. She needs to kick to the curb that abusing and not sexy artist she calls her g/f. Enough is enough! Really.
And, I, too, heart Tina now. She is so damned sexy and HOT. That sex scene with the Doctor of Lurve has me swooning. And, the Kennards are back! Hurrah!
I now feel Bette and Tina should be together. They truly compliment one another to say nothing of the HOT sex these two generate in love sex scenes.
I don't care. Right now all I want to do is swim in the shallow part of the pool.
Oh no! There go my girlish dreams of Ms Snarker's complete grammatical perfection *crying*:
ReplyDelete"See, should OF went with the cheesecake."
Wowee!
ReplyDeleteOk girlish dreams reinstated after immediate attention to my anally-retentive grammar nitpicking.
Ms Snarker, you are my weekend crush ;)
TINAAAA!!! TINAAA!!
ReplyDeleteHHOOTT!!! HHHOOOTTT!!!
Team Free Tina'08 -('09) :D
i want bette porter and jennifer beals....without jodie please...matlin is total cast mistake...and even if holloma,'s acting is not top, she is sexy so tibette
ReplyDeleteI would say this is Laurel's and Mia's season to shine. And, it's about time. Both actresses have been stuck in hellish storylines and no storylines and sent to Siberia on occasion. Not any longer. And, these two are the best comedic pair because their characters love to hate the other and they play off each other like no body's business. Big shout out to Laurel and Mia. It's been fun to watch Laurel and Mia in action with comedy. Anyone who has seen Laurel's films knows she has a flair for comedy and it's good to finally see Ilene taking advantage of that. And, the same for Mia.
ReplyDeleteThose Tina pics with the doc are oo la la. Yes, the long dry spell for Tina if finally OVER! YAY! Funbags? Hee. Tina is one HOT mama lama.
I am glad you didn't show the picture of Shane kissing Helena. It was a surprise and very funny,
ReplyDeleteWow, to bad she is gone they might have been good together.
I soooo gonna miss Helena, at the same time I think Rachael deserves better than those cheesy story lines IC was giving her. All the best to her. Hope she comes back though. Bigger and Better.
ReplyDeleteI don't read spoilers - is that it for Helena?!? She's gone from the show?!? I had no idea!
ReplyDeleteJodi's bestfriend, I think his name was Michaelangelo, is illegally annoying. Someone arrest him. I can't believe Bette is still with her. She's kinda mean and more bossy than Bette. Inconceivable. She actually slightly hesitated when Bette told her about Kit. Bette...shut it down. Soon.
ReplyDelete