Why did no one tell me sooner how hilarious Laura Benanti is? I feel like the universe has been holding out on me. And by universe I mean you, you people. So, wait, who is Laura Benanti? Actress, singer, Tony Award-winning Broadway star. You will recognize her from “The Playboy Club” and “Go On” and “The Sound of Music Live!” with Carrie Underwood that made us all remember why Julie Andrews is a god among us, the unwashed hordes.
Also. She’s fucking hilarious on the Twitters. In fact, she’s the kind of hilarious that makes me want to be her BFF. Like seriously, she is now in a death-race for the role of my imaginary bestie between Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Poehler. Though the latter already has Tina Fey and the former has, well – you know, the world. So I think I have a shot at this with Laura.
If you’re oblivious, like I was, to what I’m talking about, please witness her Twitter feed @LauraBenanti:
Do people who say "cooking relaxes me" know about not cooking?— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti)January 2, 2014
Just genuinely teared up while listening to "wrecking ball" I'm gonna go turn myself in to the local authorities bye everyone.— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) December 29, 2013
I'm gonna open a gluten free pot brownie business and become a gazillionaire. Just kidding @BarackObama I don't sell drugs.— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) December 29, 2013
Tonight a man on the street gave me his card and told me he was a tree surgeon. Thanks Cupid!!— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) December 29, 2013
WHY HASN'T SHE FILLED ME WITH COOKIES YET WHAT IS HAPPENING I'M SO SCARED OH MY MMNNMM MMNNMMM. NEVER MIND WE'RE GOOD ~my stomach— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti)December 26, 2013
"So. We finally meet." ~my thighs— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) December 26, 2013
Wake me up when grown women are allowed to have pubes again.— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) December 22, 2013
Dancing to Beyonce and feeling pretty good about it until I realized how much I was snapping my fingers. #taketwo— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) December 18, 2013
Hey lady on the train passive aggressively knocking your yoga mat into my apple fritter MESSAGE RECEIVED.— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) December 18, 2013
HEY LOS ANGELES HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING YOUR SMOOTHIES I JUST RUBBED VASELINE IN MY NOSTRILS pic.twitter.com/HLih3vDKTD— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) December 12, 2013
Also there was the time she for-real stepped into a stranger’s car because she thought it was her Uber driver. Also all those tweets were just from the past month (much to the continued chagrin of her mother). Also it possible to be jealous of a Twitter account? Because I am. I really am.
Right, let me get this straight. She is talented. She is beautiful. She is hilarious. She gives good Tweet. Why is she not on my television constantly? Please, don’t even get me started at the absolute TRAVESTY of canceling “Go On,” because I can’t put TRAVESTY in all caps enough. Hey, TV executive, give Laura and Julie White a TV show immediately. So, as I was saying, Laura Benanti – now you know.
p.s. She also kind of looks like Linda Carter, and you know my feelings about Wonder Woman. Ahem.