Tuesday, October 04, 2011

How about them apples?

WARNING: Major “Warehouse 13” finale spoilers. If you haven’t watched yet, good gravy, hurry because it’s pretty fucking epic.

Right, so let’s get this out of the way immediately. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOO! Jagged sobs. Unrepentant sniffles. Sad panda is sad. I mean, I knew they would probably kill HG – I knew it. This season was her really her redemption story. Try to destroy the world one year, then sacrifice yourself to save it the next. It’s such a tidy character resolution it almost comes gift wrapped with a bow. But then they actually did it. And it was both horrible and heroic. Perfect and perfectly awful. Having HG Wells and the fabulous Jaime Murray back, even if just for the finale, added so much snap and crackle to the show. It’s truly undeniable. And my God, the subtext, The Subtext. All those longing looks. All those stolen moments. All those accidentally getting tied up together in kinky bondage situations at the most inopportune times.

Look, I’m all for the grand romantic gestures. But in this case I would have happily taken a little less grand gesture and a little more romantic. I mean, you know I love subtext. I LOVE it. But the HG and Myka storyline has been maintext pretending to be subtext, but not quite brave enough to come out of the closet all season. Subtext is a nod and a wink and a wouldn’t it be funny/better if... Maintext is HG and Myka are totally in love yet even at the very end, weren’t strong enough to say it out loud. And that’s disappointing. Seriously, to get their lips this close together and not have them kiss? That’s just…mean.

Don’t get me wrong, I thought the finale was pretty amazing. But if that really is the last we see of HG (unless she gets her own prequel spin-off or Artie’s pocket watch can do a hell of a lot more than tell time), then I wish the writers had had the courage of their big gay convictions. Why not let HG mouth “I love you” to Myka instead? They sure danced around the subject. It was like a game of “How many ways can HG and Myka say ‘I love you’ without saying ‘I love you.’” Myka saying the price was too high to kill HG. HG saying Myka is the one person who knows her better than anyone else. HG sacrificing herself to save Myka. Trust me when she said “It was the only way I could think to save you,” she wasn’t talking about Pete and Artie. From now on, “I smell apples” is the new “I love you.” So there.

I know this show is gay friendly. It has gay writers. It has gay sensibility. It flashes gay rainbow flags on screen whenever possible (like on a GSA flyer on Emily Lake’s classroom bulletin board). Gay gay gayity gay gay. But then it goes and kills its only two self-defined gay characters in HG and Jinks? I know their sacrifices served the stories well but, come on – don’t go breaking my heart like that, “Warehouse 13.”

Dammit, Artie, that pocket watch better fix this. Because a world without HG isn’t exactly a world I’m thrilled to have just seen saved. Oh, HG, you can’t be gone because all Myka does when she sees you is smell apples.


p.s. I’d watch the hell out of “Wells & Bering” or “Bering & Wells.”
p.p.s. I would like to thank Jaime Murray and Joanne Kelly for softening the blow of last night’s finale by posing for this picture. A grateful universe thanks you. Now, if you’ll please excuse me, I’ve got to go pass out, forever.

HG & Myka

23 comments:

no-one said...

Warehouse just broke my heart. That was soooo sad. I can't believe the new season won't start until mid-next year.
Joanne and Jaime rocked as always.
I love that on Jaime's twitter she linked to that picture with the tease "Myka and Helena sitting in a tree..."

Anonymous said...

You cannot escape me Snarks! I have tracked you to your lair! ;)

I see your (cousin?) Snicks has *finally* acknowledged the SUBTEXT. Thank God, I was beginning to think the poor boy was half blind or something.

Regarding the SUBTEXT.

“The HG and Myka storyline has been maintext pretending to be subtext, but not quite brave enough to come out of the closet all season.”

Precisely! (And very well put.)

“HG and Myka are totally in love yet even at this, the very end, weren’t strong enough to say it out loud.”

After my first viewing, I harboured some wishful vis-à-vis HG’s silent ‘goodbye’... But sadly I had been woefully mistaken! It wasn’t a heartfelt ‘I love you’ -as it damn well should have been- rather some sort of bizarre, ‘So long and thanks for all the fish’ (only shorter). Yes, I could have forgiven them for the patronising no-kiss-but-here’s-some-faux-bondage-you-sad-pathetic-lesbos (damn we’re easy prey at times to those unscrupulous TV execs!), had they allowed the girls a proper goodbye. But no, the wankers were too mean to even toss us that bone!

“Seriously, to get their lips this close together and not have them kiss? That’s just…mean.”

I know! Yes we’re easy prey, but there’s no need to get all sadistic on our sorry arses you wankers! It’s just not cricket...

A thought on the apple thing.

Back when HG is reminiscing about what’s-his-face (W12’s Claudia), did she not also smell apples and he say something about that meaning the Warehouse “likes her”? Could the fact that W13 (& W12!) has some kind of crush on the delectable HG, in combination with that clever (we hope!) pocket watch save her in the end (career commitments and spin-offs allowing)?

Damn that HG, two warehouses and half the lesbians on the planet! It’s starting to look like you’re getting a little greedy darling!

PD

PS Thank you again for getting me into this. And yeah, despite everything it was a great finale.

Anonymous said...

PPS Fredericks can stay dead for all I care! Sure Pounder rocks, but Frederick's creepy torturing ways are ‘worthy’ only of Guantanamo! Bring on Janeway (nice upper cut darling!) or Claudia (don’t go all Evil Willow on us darling!)

Jinks? Sorry Snicks, I never did entirely warm up to your favourite...

PD

Shannon said...

What a seriously nail-biting, heart-pounding season finale that was.... OMG!!!

I love the number of Myka/HG moments Warehouse 13 gave us last night and I am going to be ever the optimist in saying I do not think that we have seen the last of HG or for that matter Steve Jinks.

I too was yelling at my screen for Myka and HG to just kiss when they were all 'tied up' or for HG to mouth the words 'I Love You' to Myka as she saved the woman she loved - oh and her friends too... 'cause you know it was ALL about saving Myka!

I loved Allison bringing it big time last night as Claudia... going all bad-ass on the bad guy and on Mrs. Frederic.

I can't believe we now have to wait until mid-2012 for the next season of Warehouse 13.

Anonymous said...

I SMELL APPLES. I CAN'T. I STILL CAN'T. I didn't catch HG telling Myka 'this is the only way I could think to save you',but the zooming in and deafening out of everything else during that scene, with Myka looking lovingly at HG, that was just heartbreaking.

Anonymous said...

I am so gutted over this show. SO MANY FEELINGS. On one hand,I love it. I love the arc between Helena and Myka, I loved Claudia's story, I loved Jink's arc. Everything was so well done (and I really don't think we've seen the last of Jinx). But I am so afraid that H.G. might be gone for good. You don't give a character a death like that (unless its Xena or Buffy I suppose) if you're planning to bring them back.

I said I would go down with this ship. Unfortunately, I did, and the bottom looks like ashes.

(Ok yeah clearly I'm not done processing that finale....this is what 3 hours of sleep gets you)

Norma Desmond said...

I don't even watch Warehouse 13, and I still teared up watching that video...

cariadusclan said...

Thank you for this! I've been looking for a subtexty ep reaction to last night's ep all day, and I should have known to come here first. You've put eloquent words to all my FEELINGS and i bow in gratitude? I smell apples? WHAT?

Barbara said...

Oh man. I really enjoyed last nights episodes in a heartbreaking way?

On the one hand: damn. Warehouse does not usually make me feel any emotions other than a sort of fondness for how geeky and silly it is and an appreciation for Myka and HG's chemistry, but last night? Everything from when they found Jinks onward just brought it. The character arcs actually had big emotional resonance. I was impressed. And of course really really sad.

On the other hand: it does bug me that they didn't just go ahead and make Myka and HG maintext. I did love and will continue to love all of the juicy subtexty bits we got, but it still seems ridiculous that when the writers, actors and fans ALL see and supposedly approve of that subtext, they still fail to make it explicit.

As annoying as that is though, I think I'm still leaning toward loving these episodes. Especially because I think HG will be probably be back in some form or another.

Selenyx said...

Thanks for sharing the pain Ms. Snarker. I actually cried "NOOOOOOO!" out loud to my laptop, hope my neighbours don't think me crazy now...
Anyway, I'm gonna go read some fanfic now and pretend that didn't happen. Have faith in Artie's watch and let's hope Drew Z. Greenberg didn't learn all too much from Joss Whedon about killing off the most loved characters...

Anonymous said...

Someone has informed me that the word HG mouthed before she was so unceremoniously blasted to kingdom come was in fact, “yes”. (Her nodding should have been a dead giveaway. Duh, I can be so thick sometimes!) I don’t know about the rest of you, but that changes a whole lot for me!

I am somewhat ashamed to admit, my stiff upper lip did indeed wobble as I re-watched the scene to confirm what I had been told. (I was like a rock last night.)

Uh I guess I owe a small apology to Kenny and co? :)

PD

XX said...

You are glasses, I smell apples...

I'm convinced that with the stoppwatch they can somehow turn back time, restore the warehouse and save HG. IF that happens,I DEMAND a kiss :)

soapsandpolitics said...

XX is on to something

Isn't the power of the watch to turn back time up to 2 minutes or less? If so reset time, put the bubble on the bomb rather than the 3 people. In return save the Warehouse, Mrs. Fredrick, and H.G.. If the above happens then for all that is sacred H.G. and Myka kissing better be the reward of all the subtext in the last episode.

Anonymous said...

Haven't you noticed the Warehouse is like the Xenaverse? Nobody stays dead for long. Well - except at the end for completely pointless aimless reasons. The very very end of the W13 finale (Artie and a time piece) left the door wide open for ALL the dead people we know and love to come back.

Fret not, Dorothy - HG has been redeemed just in time to play the hero in her own show. Now all we have to do is tear her away from Ringer.

And get Myka out of the Warehouse. They wouldn't miss her - would they? Much?

And in my mind HG did mouth 'I love you' - it was just in some language other than English.

Anonymous said...

wait up dorothy i'll think i'll pass out with you after seeing that last picture

Edilma said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I just watched it and I knew I had to come here to find someone to cry with me!
OMG I love this show so much, so that damn clock better turn back time or else!
"I smell apples" </3

Anonymous said...

I was sad to HG and Mrs. Frederic go-also the warehouse itself is gone.

fallon-ash said...

Gah!! I'm just... I'm so torn between ALL THESE EMOTIONS THAT I'M FEELING because it was so much perfection and reading comments that make me angry and wanting things to be different or the writers to have been braver with Myka/HG and and and and... too much! I'm gonna need time (and many re-watches) before I can make up my mind about what I feel...

Anonymous said...

The lack of a declaration actually makes me more hopeful (in a perverse, "why do these tv people like to torture the lesbians" kind of way. I think they will bring HG back, but don't want to be locked into the relationship immediately when they do.

Renata said...

When H.G. thought they were going to break the coin she said the last thing she wanted to see was the sky, when she actually died she just kept staring to Myka *-*
I loved this episode so much.
If they don't bring H.G. back i'm going to be really depressed and I don't know if a can wait till mid 2012 T-T

Cindy Caton said...

I am sitting here at work with tears rolling down my face after watching the video you posted. I haven't seen the finale yet, but I don't mind spoilers. It will soften the blow when I watch it. I cannot believe they killed HG. My heart is broken. :(

Anonymous said...

God, I want that HG Wells spinoff even more now after watching that finale! Grrr!

Tera Byte said...

I have a question that blows my mind - What had Helena mouthed before she smelled apples?