Thursday, February 10, 2011

Your Fake TV Wife

So the other day my good friend TheLinster gave me a gentle yet firm warning to step off her woman, Elizabeth Mitchell. It was a clear and understandable setting of boundaries. Every friendship needs boundaries. It also highlighted a little-talked-about, but extremely basic tenant of relationships in this modern media age. Everyone has a Fake TV Wife, and that Fake TV Wife is off limits to her friends. I mean that’s just like The Rules of Feminism. This beyond just the Fantasy Freebie list we all have (some of us even laminated). This is about calling dibs, staking a claim, marking one’s territory. This, my friends, is serious business. Now, of course, we don’t mind if our friends appreciate our Fake TV Wives. In fact, we encourage it. Who doesn’t want a hot wife, fake or otherwise? But when it comes to the serious business of actually virtually making a move – whoa there, cowgirl. Hands off. Back away. Don’t even think about it. We take our delusional relationships very seriously here, OK.

Of course, the big caveat to the Fake TV Wife Rule is that it only applies to your friends. I mean, you would hope that strangers would also acknowledge your fictional marriage, but only the truest of friends understand the depth of one’s imaginary commitment. So with that, here is a peek into a few of my friends’ off-limits Fake TV Wives.

Me: Tina Fey, duhIf at this point you still don’t know that Tina is my Fake TV Wife, then I’m not sure we can be friends.

The Linster: Elizabeth MitchellAnd if Elizabeth is wearing a baseball cap, Linster will cut a bitch for even looking at her.

Heather Hogan: Eve MylesA Welsh accent and guns. Like Heather even had a chance.

Scribegrrrl: Meryl StreepGranted, this is more like a Fake Movie Wife, but it’s Meryl fucking Streep, so we’ll accept it.

Right, your turn. Tell me about the women you’ve promised to love, honor and cherish until death and/or reality do you part.

164 comments:

. Avi said...

it would be Det Jane Rizzoli for me!

Melanie said...

Somewhat outdated, I suppose, but Alex from the OC (aka Olivia Wilde) was probably my first girl-love awakening, so I'll love her forever.

Laura said...

Allison Janney 4ever!

B said...

Anna Torv, all the way.

FASTTCR said...

KaDee Strickland (Private Practice's Charlotte) - Sexy southern twang

Anonymous said...

It would have to be Lena Headey - adored her as Luce and Sarah Connor she is one HOT lady!!

Anonymous said...

Stephanie March! Law and Order: SVU needs to bring her back right about now... (and while they're at it, get her and Olivia together!)

carolcochran@hotmail.com said...

What? No one's grabbed JB yet? Then I've got dibs! How I'd love to go toe-to-toe (so to speak) with her Supreme Hotness--the original Alpha Bette or the current Alpha Bette 2.0. All that fierceness, tempered by the occasional cry-smile. sigh....

Rosie said...

ok...my real wife's is Jodie Foster.In fact, she gets defensive at the slightest diss given or said about the actress.So I have learned to accept that I come in as a close second.But that is ok because my fake tv wife is Uma Thurman:)

Patsy Stone said...

Jennifer Saunders for me

Anastacia said...

They are many:
1. Liv Tyler
2. Piper Perabo
3. Lena headey
4. Ali Larter
5. Heather Peace
6. Lisa Ray
etc...
Ellen but she's already married...

Berry said...

I know she's an actress, but she's mine, my Fake Film Wife is Noomi Rapace.

Sommer said...

Kristen Wiig.

Anonymous said...

Laurel Holloman all mine. God I love her.

Mary Monroe said...

Hmmmmm....... Dr. Lisa Cuddy for me!

Mary Monroe said...

Ahhhh, stop! Rather Honor Blackman, oh my god.

Amanda said...

Hands down, Sarah Shahi.

Jimena O. B. said...

My fake TV/film wife: Lena Headey, and sometimes we like to invite Anna Torv to our bedroom :)

superloony said...

Ellen Page <3 Every time I see that girl I melt in a puddle of joy <3

letitiablake said...

Glad to see everyone has kept their hands of my Fake TV Wife, Sara Ramirez.

And, thanks for sharing those pictures of her this week, Ms. Snarker--you held the boundaries well!

Erica said...

Previous comment a la letitiablake was actually from me. Damn secretly looking at DS at work on someone else's computer! Sara Ramirez is mine.

Shannon said...

Wow, this isn't the easiest of categories for me... as I was sitting here thinking about this I realize that I'd be a polygamist, 'cause there are quite a few women that I'd want to claim as my 'TV Wife'. In narrowing it down to the top choices I'd put these women:

Archie Panjabi (Kalinda Sharma 'The Good Wife')

Beth Riesgraf (Parker 'Leverage')

Pauley Perrette (Abby Sciuto 'NCIS')

Yvonne Strahovski (Sarah Walker 'Chuck')

Mariska Hargitay (Det. Olivia Benson 'Law & Order: SVU')

Joanne Kelly (Myka Bering 'Warehouse 13')

Anna Torv (Olivia Dunham 'Fringe')

Lea Michele (Rachel Berry 'Glee')

See I told you it wasn't easy for me....

Jamie said...

Emma Thomspon. Every girlfriend since college knew from the get-go that she was (and remains) my pre-existing condition.

Emily said...

My first TV Wife will always be Evangeline Lilly, hands down. Kate Austen forever. <3 I know she's a lot of people's favorite, but Olivia Wilde is also my wife, so hands off. It's kind of a polygamist thing. :) Like, seriously though. Back off my woman.

The Curmudgeon said...

Seriously, I got dibs on Katee Sackhoff? AWESOME. That seals it: we were meant to be together.

;) babs said...

Anna Torv (Fringe / Mistresses)

Elizabeth Mitchell (ER / LOST)
Maria Bello (ER)
Melanie Linskey (2 and a half men)
Natasha Mc Elhone (Californication)
Anne Dudek (loved her in House)
Rose Rollins (the Lword)
Cobie Smulder (HIMYM)
Lisa Edelstein (House / Ally McBeal)
Archie Panjabi (the Good Wife)

Carolynn said...

Woah, how can no one have claimed Rachel Maddow yet? Well, someone's got to do it, and I'm very happy to make that sacrifice. mmmmaddow.

Occam said...

Oh, Maddow for me, too. My fake TV genius butch wife. Sigh. I'll fight you for her.

wingnutty said...

Mariska's the one for me ... and all my friends are tired of knowing it! :-)

Big Shamu said...

This is easy....Maureen O'Hara. Yes, she's way older than me, yes she never did a long running tv series but growing up the local tv channel ran old movies, many which featured Ms. O'Hara as a pirate, as Musketeer, a mom in the original Parent Trap and more often as not as a more than adequate better half to John Wayne. It was tv that put Ms. O'Hara in my life. Tis herself that's me Fake TV Wife.

Anonymous said...

Helena Peabody.....Looks, money and a killer accent and all mine :P

島嶼之下The island said...

Always the one and only Laurel Holloman!!!

so cal it hurts said...

"Fake" Movie Wife - Kate Winslet 637

Fake TV One Night Stand - Santana Lopez ;)

Robin said...

Though not a gay lady myself, I think I have to claim Jewel Staite as my Fake TV Wife. We could eat lots of decadent food and taunt Nathan Fillion together. :)

Norma Desmond said...

Yeah, mine's the previously mentioned Sara Ramirez. Curves that don't quit, a killer singer, AND she speaks Spanish. I never stood a chance. If I needed a backup, though, I think I'd have to go with Sasha Alexander. She makes me all kinds of swoony.

Move wife: Definitely Meryl Streep. I've almost come to blows over her before.

Also, nice Friends reference (Ross' laminated list minus the incomparable Isabella Rossellini is PRICELESS).

Marlene Willows said...

Without a doubt.. Marg Helgenberger. My first true love.

sonja said...

Well, I have to admit that I'm not a one TV marriage kind of girl. I am monogamous within the TV marriage, but I get a new TV wife every 1-3 years. Currently, my TV wife is Anna Torv. (Let me take a moment here to thank you, Ms. Snarker, for introducing us.)

I don't even want to admit how much time I spent creating my own, custom DVD of *Mistresses* edited down to Anna's storyline, and my Netflix DVD queue is all *Fringe* all the time right now.

Shayla said...

No one has my heart like Angie Harmon...

Rose said...

I'm an a polyamorous relationship with Gina Torres and Dawn French. Our love affair is ardent and touching.

Anonymous said...

Rachel Maddow. 'Cause smart is sexy!

Beth said...

Simone Lahbib!

e said...

Ok, so Maddow is taken. And, really, she's too tall for me anyway. But I do like the smart!

But, my *real* fake wife is Salma Hayek. So effing gorgeous, great rack, and Latina. Beyond yummy to indescribable deliciousness.

KC said...

Seriously, no one's claimed Eliza Dushku? She's mine. Back off.

Crystal said...

Toss up between Sasha Alexander & Angie Harmon. I was in love with Special Agent Kate Todd (NCIS) & ADA Abbie Carmichael (L&O). That is why I love Rizzoli & Isles. Both my women in one place. ;)

The Grey Tree said...

Naya Rivera. Boom. End of discussion.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Patsy Stone, can we share Jennifer Saunders? no? ok then, I claim Helen Mirren :)

Anonymous said...

Arizona Robbins<3

slevs said...

Anne Hathaway. BTFO, ladies.

Steph Mineart said...

Anna Torv is my fake TV wife. The rest of the list...

1. Anna Torv
2. Mary-Louise Parker
3. Anne Hathaway
4. Kate Winslet
5. Sasha Alexander
6. Billie Burke (I know she's dead, and old enough to be my great-grandmother. But this list is a fantasy. And she's only at #6 because well, the others are alive and I'm delusional enough to think I have a chance with them. Sure, I do.)
7. Holly Marie Coombs
8. Sarah Shahi
9. Felicia Day
10. Susan Sarandon
11. Meryl Streep
12. Helena Bonham Carter

L said...

Michelle fuckin' Rodriguez would be my Fake TV/Movie Wife, except she's too badass to be anybody's wife.

Maggie said...

Clea DuVall. Hands down. When she pops up on shows I don't watch, I make sure I watch the episode(s) she's in. Plus, I mean, "But I'm a Cheerleader," need I say more?

Lay said...

Dr. Lauren Lewis is all MINE! *evil grin*

hkl said...

Patricia Vico

Amanda said...

I have a fake musician wife. Kaki King. I don't care if this doesn't count as a T.V. Wife, it's real (fake) to me.

Amanda

cappuccinogirl said...

My fake wife is Daphne Zuniga. It started with a joke to a friend, but it's stuck. She's all hippie dippie and a woefully underrated actress, and hot as hell.

And this answer surprises me, because I always assumed it would be Kristin Scott Thomas or Eve Best. But I think I'm too busy admiring them for their acting talent to think of them in the fake wife department.

kabe said...

Oh, there's so many! Now it's mostly Rhona Mitra and Jessica Capshaw :)

Anonymous said...

I would take Tina Fey but I don't want to wake the wrath of DS.
And Maddow is taken so I'll take Stana Katic. So pretty!

http://s1.daemonstv.com/tv/up/2009/09/stana_katic_01-500x332.jpg

Jules said...

The beautiful, intelligent, and talented Dianna Agron.

Anonymous said...

Lady Di Agron. And yes, I'm willing to share with you Lea...

acertainjustice said...

My fake TV wife?
oy, that would have to be duked out between Anna Torv, Stephanie March and Kate Winslet

but hands down, Bridget Regan would be my fake TV lover. The fake part in that sentence hurts me...

J9 said...

Can't believe this is even still available, but two words. Gillian. Anderson.
nuff said. However, huge mad props to Big Shamu for the throwback!

lilcam2525 said...

Dianna Agron had me the minute she posted Yeah Yeah Yeah lyrics on her tumblr. I can watch her non-verbal acting all day with the eyebrow rises.

The CDB Crew said...

There is only room enough in my heart for one pint sized diva... Lea Michele all the way, baby!!!

tenofive said...

Jennifer Beals, no question about it.

Lenore said...

Yes! I call dibs on Christina Hendricks! She's been my TV wife ever since I first saw her as Saffron on Firefly. Yo-Saf-Bridge-Joan... DIBS!

Anonymous said...

Mine would have to be Arizona Robbins / Jessica Capshaw, that woman is so beautiful and hot and sexy...ahhh :)

lily-pearl said...

My fake movie wife is Penélope Cruz. No one else can have her - she's mine.

Anonymous said...

Mine's a fake movie wife, but the answer is Keira Knightley. I am irrevocably in love with that woman, it's not even funny. Okay, well...maybe it's a little funny since I know it'll never happen, but either way...back off.

Iris said...

Well sorry if mine's taken, but i presume we're not friends so she's available...

JENNIFER BEALS... but we're both a type A personality (her on-screen personality but fake is wonderfully faked), so i wonder how long this marriage will last and if i cheat it's only with LENA HEADY (are the laminated lists available in your fake-relationship also??).

Kai said...

No one has straight up claimed the Strahovski?! I mean, she's made a few lists, but seriously?

MINE.

It is officially done.

Nelfy said...

If we're just talking fake TV wife, then I have to say: Lauren Graham. She's MINE!!!! he he he

Meg said...

Well, also being straight, but having had a fan-girl crush on Amanda Tapping since the very first episode of SG-1! I can't believe no one else has claimed her!

Angie Harmon is a very close 2nd place - admired her way back on Bay Watch Nights, re fell in love in Women's Murder Club (still so pissed at ABC over that that I almost can't watch the network), and now in R&I.

And I wouldn't say no to Sasha Alexander, either!

Meg said...

Oh, and BTW, if none of you ladies knows who Amanda Tapping is, I HIGHLY suggest you check her out. Not only is she a great actress, but a wonderful person. One of the few celebrities that I would pay to see (if I had money).

Rosa said...

LENA. EFFING. HEADEY. NGGGGH.

YES, THAT'S HER GOVERNMENT-SANCTIFIED NAME, DIDN'T YOU KNOW.

midnightfrost17 said...

I can't pick just one, and mine are definitely characters, not actresses (though Angie Harmon makes two appearances). Also, the order is subject to change depending on my mood.

1. Abbie Carmichael (Law & Order)
2. Jane Rizzoli (Rizzoli & Isles)
3. Mary Shannon (In Plain Sight)
4. Maura Isles (Rizzoli & Isles)
5. Seven of Nine (Star Trek: Voyager)
6. Kathryn Janeway (Star Trek: Voyager)
7. Ziva David (NCIS)

Ace said...

I'm going with Sela Ward (currently Jo Danville on CSI:NY -- although I might prefer her as Teddy Reid on SISTERS)

I'm fairly confident my real wife would require an accommodation for Dana Fairbanks/Erin Daniels.

TaylorBoi said...

Rachel Maddow for teevee
Rachel Weisz for movies

Itinerant Poet said...

My fake tv wife is Keeley Hawes... First, foremost and forever... Other ladies have tried (Olivia Wilde, Heather Peace, Santana) but none will ever beat her...
Bexington
http://www.beehivecity.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/keeley-hawes.jpg

Courtney said...

Lucy Lawless!!!

Although, I have strayed for both Allison Janney and Kate Mulgrew. Oops.

Vale said...

Wow, can I choose more than one? Cause I say Lucy Lawless and Mary McDonnell. And before you say anything, yes. I've been watching BSG (so sue me).

scribegrrrl said...

For the record, I really hate the word "wife." Can I just call Meryl "O My Actual Queen"?

Anonymous said...

Crap, this is worse than Sophie's Choice. And some of you stampeded your way to some of my wives. We'll have to work something out. But as I'm playing for the Olde School I'll take Diana Rigg as Mrs. Peel, Jacqueline Bisset (OK, a movie wife) and from the good ol' USA, Dana Delaney. A lovely harem, indeed.

ElleGrrrl said...

Cote de Pablo, now and forever. My friend Julia and I fight over her occasionally, but the one who "loses" gets Mariska Hargitay, so there really are no losers here :oP

shsballdawg said...

as much as it kills me to skip over amanda tapping, lena headey, and dianna agron...

claudia black. hands down without question...

Maria de Fátima said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sabsl Photography said...

Lol ... my onscreen harem would be something like that...

Julie Benz, Lena Heady, Fanny Ardant, Laurie Holden, Sofía Vergara, Famke Janssen, Bridget Regan, Missy Peregrym,... omg ... i've to stop now xD

Mia said...

With sweet Elizabeth taken, ill go for Rhona Mitra then... the Boston Legal one please, not the The-Gates-plastic-surgery one.

Oh and Arizona Robbins is a close call - i just saw her getting the door slammed at after returning from africa and i'd have her with NO hesitation at all :)

Mia said...

Uoops, sorry kabe, i realize now we have the same fake wifes... ;)

Amanda said...

Erin Daniels. Why did they kill Dana off????? Why?????

Spellbound said...

While I respect and even agree with a lot of your choices.... very simply.....

Alex Hedison....

Even think of it and I WILL kneecap you! lol.

TrueTor said...

Renee O'Connor... I love her in everything she does. No matter how cheesy the SyFy movie is.

suchaprettymess said...

Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy will forever and always be my Fake TV Wife, with Kristen Bell coming in a very close second.

Marianne said...

I am gonna be old school and mention my first love Diana Rigg. Emma Peel. Swoon.

Big Shamu said...

TrueTor, that's some pretty thick cheese to push through for you TV Wife. Wish she was in some better projects.

Anonymous said...

slightly robbing the cradle but hands down lily loveless!

Gender Blank said...

Roma Maffia. The heart wants what it wants.

Anonymous said...

Lena "I am not your Queen, wanker #9" Headey!!!
Many have already claimed her but I'll throw my hat in that ring! And if I was to lose somehow...
Olivia '13' Wilde could mend my wounds quite nicely, thank you...

Anonymous said...

Sarah Lancaster, Mia Kirshner or Portia de Rossi please!

Anonymous said...

Anna Torv/Olivia Dunham.

Though there are two Olivias now... Fake TV Wife Harem?

Catch up Snarker, you are seriously missing out on season 3.

Anonymous said...

1. Sara Ramirez, I mean this woman kills me!
Sasha Alexander, Simone Lahibib, Paula Patton, Jessica capshaw, Jennifer beals.

Nan said...

Jodhi May going on 19 years.

Was previously engaged to Meghan Follows for five years.

Come to think of it I've only been single for about five years of my life.

Well, it's clear I was gay straight out of the box.

garanger said...

The ONE, the ONLY... Sarah Shahi since she first graced my screen on Alias! Nope, I don't share, either!

Anonymous said...

So very hard to choose just one fake wife! Can I go with Ross Geller and have my laminated five!.
1. Lena Headey - So Hot as Sarah Connor
2. Anna Torv - 2 Olivias for the price of one = heaven!!!!
3. Portia De Rossi - I know she's married to Ellen but hey its my laminated list.
4.Paget Brewster - Emily Prentiss is soo hot and soo gay.
5. Sasha Alexander - Kate Todd or Maura Isles both are hot ladies in need of loving!!!

If only dreams were reality. My top five votes for After Ellens top 100 2011 as well!!

Anonymous said...

Decisions decisions!! My top 3 cos I can't pin it down to one.
1. Jennifer Garner - So hot as Sydney Bristow she hit all my spots!!
2. Anna Torv - Cool exterior but so much passion underneath ( plus mistresses so so hot!)
3. Elisabeth Mitchell - caught my attention as Kim Legaspi but Erica Evans - wtf so butch and so hot!!!

cocoro said...

OMG!

you got 102 comments!! hahaha!

that's crazy~

i know i stop by, so now you laugh,

thinking, " of course~"

i guess the whole point is that

DS likes Elizabeth mitchell.

people like her, why not?

so be friend,

thinking about doing a part,

what part?

asking part, i like, when you're

gonna buy ice cream?

i will wait until summer cus

this time is too cold.

lookatthestar said...

Mia Kirshner FTW...Jenny "crazy" Schecter.

Anonymous said...

Amy Pond, the girl who waited. Karen Gillan is a total dish. And, oh that ginger hair! I could stare at/listen to her for the rest of my life. She's definitely my Mrs.

cocoro said...

there is a person who leave a comment

at the same time, hey~

did you eat dinner?

DS, asking something else,

this is so interesting that

people leave like this lots of comment,

i don't think TV wife is that much

interesting subject, funny~

thanks for the posting,,

hope you got nice 1000 comments,

is it possible?

challenge!!

tlsintx said...

a hundred and eight comments!!! holy sh*t!!!!

Lena Heady forever!

This is so fun!! xoxoxox

tlsintx said...

Headey I mean. Guess I don't get to marry her if I can't even spell her name right.

Anonymous said...

Tilda, Tilda - no one but Tilda (um, Swinton). No, she's not a TV fake wife - just a huge crush, and I don't get to see much US television, being on the other side of the pond

Laura said...

Christine Lahti
Meryl Streep (as honorary tv wife -- she did do Angels which was on HBO)!

Anonymous said...

Not so tv, unless you count music award shows...but, undeniably, my fake star wife is Wynonna. I can't help it, there is just something powerful sexy in her laugh.

AZ said...

Without equivocation, Jennifer Beals. Smart ,sexy, funny and did I say sexy?

Arya said...

Keeley Hawes. <3

But sometimes, I have a fake TV affair with Simone Lahbib and Laura San Giacomo. #shameonme

idgiepug said...

Does Daria count? Can a cartoon charater be my TV wife? Does this mean I have a problem with reality?

Antonia said...

The 1-800 Dentist Lady (original, not the elevator one), and if she won't have me, my foodie Queen:Gail Simmons. Oh,my.

Liz said...

Jennifer Fucking Beals. Especially after this week's Chicago Code pilot...yum. Just yum.

However, I gotta give props to Antonia^, Gail Simmons is a yummy little vixen too!

Anonymous said...

How has no one claimed Sarah Paulson yet? I know she's not on TV at the moment, but she's actually the woman I'm supposed to end up with. Oh, and she's into girls, so I have a chance!

CC said...

Hand down and hands off, it is AJ Cook (Criminal Minds)for me. God damn the woman is HAWT to the nth degree!

Anonymous said...

Jennifer Motherfucking Beals. No woman on earth could ever compare to her. I am fucking ruined.

Maggie said...

Really? Julianne Moore, Mary-Louise Parker, Rose Rollin, Queen Latifah, Angelina Jolie, Michelle Pfeiffer , Meryl Streep, Glenn Close, Deborah Ann Woll and finally Sharon Gless!

Anonymous said...

Former tennis star Amelie Mauresmo for me. Google her Reebok ad "I am what I am"....gulp. love.

Anonymous said...

The stunning Laurel Holloman hands down ...rest of you back off she's mine :)

Rachel said...

OK, I love reading everyone's comments!

So, my TV wife is Emily Deschanel. Smart, beautiful, and silly... the perfect lady! :) Bones is perhaps my favorite show, and got me hooked on the Kathy Reichs books!
And if we're doing movie wifes... I guess my movie wife would have to be Helena Bonham Carter. She's not only in Harry Potter, she's also done a musical (Sondheim is the best!), lots of unique movies (like Corpse Bride), a period movie (The King's Speech <3) AND Shakespeare (Twelfth Night, Hamlet). Love!

PinkElephantPrincess said...

oh wow, cant pick just one so imma going with a list as well
1. Tracy Lords! oh my yummylicious!!
2. Rebecca De Morney (i know i misspelled her name but she forgives me!!)
3. Abby (NCIS)
4. P!NK (Ok not a tv or movie but this is my fantasy right?? besides, shes effin HOTTTTTTTT!!!)
5. Summer Glau! (yeah im th first to list her so back off!!)
6. Portia del Rossi
7. Helena Bonham Carter

me, my wife and my list all live together in our gothic castle with huge beds and very little clothes!! its ok for you to be jealous, im used to it!!

laurrose86 said...

EMMA WATSON. she's so yummy. and i'm not being a perv...she's 20 and i'm 24 :D

Anonymous said...

HEATER MORRIS. There, nuff said!

Karoline A said...

I'm so pleased none of my 3 fake wife's are taken.
So here it goes. In random order.

*Karina Lombard.

*Jillian Michaels.

*Freja Beha Erichsen. (Ok, fake model wife. Who really cares?)

They would all make me a very happy woman :)

J9 said...

Not one Cat Cora here? I'm a bit surprised. Cook food for me, and make me laugh, and I'm already on the way to your bed ;-)

Mia said...

Hummm Michelle Pfeiffer is such a huge crush... but more of a mommy-kind-material... is that weird?!

oh and freja is sooooo freakin hot. her hotness comes mainly from her coolness :)

Anonymous said...

I'm not a lesbian but Mariska Hargitay is fascinating. She has a smile and wonderful eyes. She's beautiful.

Ava said...

Mary Louise Parker. It's all about her voice, she could stand there & read the phone book and I'd be happy.

justme said...

Ellen ! Ellen ! Ellen !!

(since it's fake - i don't mind that she's married)

no forget about that; i want them both as my fake tv wives, since they are such a lovely couple. So ellen AND portia it is !

Anonymous said...

Mariska Hargitay. I think because of her "Olivia Benson. " By the time she's tough, she is also sweet and feminine. There may be more attractive.

sarah said...

Mine is Natalie Portman. She's smart, awkward, and serious about her heritage and her personal beliefs. That's so attractive.

On screen, I would take Ann August or Sam on a date.

theredbaron said...

I thought I was home free, but someone stole my wife, Sela Ward, right out from under me! (if only she were really "under me"!) So, Nancy McKeon, will you marry me?

amy said...

emily deschanel is perfect. i mean...really.

Anonymous said...

I have to go with Anna Torv (Fringe), Stana Katic (Castle), Lisa Ray.

chris said...

Yvonne Strahovski (Chuck) is my TV Wife and commenter "Shannon" can't just put Yvonne in some list of tv wives for her polygamy marriage game and think that I will not come after her. Yvonne deserves to be number one.

(additionally, that all came out a lot creepier than intended.)

Anonymous said...

Renee O'connor --so so hot and she is single

lycantara said...

Amber Benson. Always <3 Those eyes are something else

Meg said...

Oh! 3 cheers to Maggie for remembering Sharon Gless! My first ever TV crush! Absolutely loved Cagney and Lacey (still watch my DVD's occasionally), and Sharon (and Tyne, for that matter)

unfinished said...

Nadia G, all the way. Pun intended.

Beati3 said...

I may win for the long term fake wife relationship. It's been Helen Mirren since 1975, since well before the Internet. Dame Helen inspired my love of Shakespeare in the BBC As You Like It; I was a founding member of the HMAS (Helen Mirren Appreciation Society) in 1997, bonded with my former partner while discussing our mutual love of her magnificence and am still inspired by her now Oscar winning fabulousness. And yes, I will still adore her when she's 64.

One-A-Day London said...

sarah shahi. sarah shahi. sarah shahi. forever and ever, as carmen and kate reed, no questions asked. she is the background of my computer and the joy of my heart.

Anonymous said...

Dr Addison Montgomery.

forever. need i say more?

Ari said...

I have to comment because my wife would be offended otherwise- maybe?

Cobie Smulders. Robin Scherbatsky on How I Met Your Mother, and Leigh Ostin on the L Word.

However, I also have dalliances with Kristin Chenoweth (She was on Pushing Daisies, so it counts) and Lea Michele, because I can't resist the broadway babes.

Also, I've never gotten around to mentioning it before, but I think you should consider using Babs when she was in Yentl for one of your gender-fuck posts!

Anonymous said...

Beati3, sorry, didn't realize helen mirren was spoken for :) On that note, I claim Ruby Wax

Patricia said...

I´m late... but I´m glad to know that Susanna Thompson (ST/DS9, Navy NCSI, Once and Again) is alllll miiiineeeeeee!!!!

Mel D said...

Heather Peace and I got married in my mind very recently!

Romy Watts said...

So many amazing/gorgeous choices but it always comes down to Mariska.

Anonymous said...

Jennifer Morrison, soo hot.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Mariska is one lucky (busy??) woman with all these wives!
I see I have got in a bit late, with Stana Katic already having two wives. So I'll have Jo off The Bill.
I like this: all the runner-up prizes are so good there's nothing to complain about!

Anonymous said...

Stana Katic all the way. She is into archery and Hawking for heaven's sake!!! And speaks 5 languages. Can we say talented tongue?

Anonymous said...

So I get Nigella Lawson all to myself? Woo hoo! Be still my heart!

sam said...

wow... someone already mentioned Stana Katic!

since i was a kid, i kinda had a crush on Margo Harshman/Tawny from Even Stevens. But i'd go with Clea DuVall...

FASTTCR said...

Cheating on my fake gay wife, KaDee Strickland, with Kristin Scott Thomas - a love since Prince's Under tge Cherry Moon.

Anonymous said...

Lucy Lawless hands down!

Crystal said...

Tina Fey, of course, but I don't want to be a home-wrecker. ;)

Also...

Jodie Foster
Nancy McKeon
Kate Moennig
Megan Follows

And because I'm Canadian:
Ann-Marie Macdonald
Joanne Vannicola

H said...

I got so close to the bottom and nobody had actually put dibs on Heather Peace darn. But darn, it will justhave o be hot cop DS Sam Murray instead.

Though first tv love was sarah-Jane Potts (saint from sugarrush)

Ahhh good times. Nice to see everyone elses wives.

Candice said...

My real life wife is and always will be Jennifer Aniston. Lord help me, that woman is perfect.
And my fake TV wife is Olivia Benson. All of my friends know that I have dibs on Liv!

Katie Anne Kohn said...

Allison Janney! I know somebody has her but I have had a crush on her since I was three. @.@ (<== she has mystical mesmorising powers... hmmm... someone should look into that.)

If not, stage crush: DITA VON FRIGGING TEESE! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Anonymous said...

Fake wives...too funny! Ok, here's my list for now:

1. Jeri Ryan (Seven of Nine/Voyager)

2. Lucy Lawless (Xena)

3. Laurel Holloman (Tina/TLW)

4. Renee O'Connor (Gabrielle)

5. Evangeline Lilly (Lost)

6. Elizabeth Mitchell (Lost)

7. Lana Parilla (Once Upon A Time)