Thursday, February 03, 2011

Fairly illegal

We interrupt this week’s very deep, very important discussion about women’s roles in the media, equal rights, childhood and mortality to stare open-mouthed at Sarah Shahi. I don’t. I can’t. What were we talking about again? Right, important things. Inclusion. Power. Representation. Oh my God, is she not wearing anything under her tank top?

OK, no, sorry. Bechdel Rule. ERA. Feminism. Women telling their own stories. Women reaching the highest public offices. Women breaking glass ceiling. Women rolling around on plush couches. Hold on, where did that come from?

Focus, focus. Did you know the Republican-led House is trying to redefine rape? (UPDATE: They dropped the “forcible rape” crap, but the bill still sucks.) Yes, a body of government with 435 men and 79 women is going to tell all 155.6 million women in the United States what kind of sexual assault counts. That’s unconscionable. That’s infuriating. That’s definitely something I’m going to write a strongly worded letter about. Right after I brush my teeth ….

Or sit in a chair….

Or stare out a window….

Look, Sarah Shahi. You’re being very distracting being all hot like fire in this new Vanity Fair Esquire Me In My Place photospread. (Damn, this photoshoot is so hot I’m too discombobulated to even get the magazine right.) [Oh, and click any image to enlarge, not that you’d be interested in that kind of thing.]I’m trying to maintain righteous indignation and that’s impossible to do when I’m ogling your, um, area…region…fine, DAT ASS.

All that and you’re kind of perfect. You sleep in just a T-shirt – and flannel sheets. You appreciate a pinch on the ass. You are a little dangerous on tequila. You love that your “Fairly Legal” billboards are catching guys and girls attention. And your goal in life isn’t to win an Oscar, but to have a house with a big library. And not just any library, “a giant Harry Potter library. That's what I want. If I can have a house that can have that kind of a library in it, then I feel like I've made it. I just want nothing but plush couches and a huge shaggy carpet and a fireplace with a bar in that room, and then books — floor-to-ceiling. That's what I want.”

Holy. Fuck. Hell. I’m sorry, tomorrow I’ll return to fight the good fight. Today I’m going to gaze hungrily at my computer screen while fantasizing about serving Sarah Shahi tequila as she’s laying on a plush couch in only her T-shirt and reading from our gigantic Harry Potteresque library together. Yeah, reading. That’s what we’ll be doing.

25 comments:

EverClear said...

Wow Snarker she really got you, didn't she? Even made you miss out that 'to' in the redefining rape article link. Don't blame you, of course. I'd probably forget my own name, faced with that amount of 'hot dayum' all at once.

;) babs said...

the best ass ever!

is this how you're trying to bribe us to get our weblog-votes?
if yes, keep on doing so...

BioGal said...

Isn't it an Esquire photo shoot?

Anonymous said...

Bloody hell!!! Nothing constructive is gonna get done today.

Anonymous said...

i have jumbled feeling! in one side, i enjoy these images and the euphoric sensation which are associated. On the other side, i don't like the undefined feeling as a voyeur, who peers the priavte sphere of a unrelated person.

kalamac said...

I have had a crush on Sarah for years now and the fact that she wants a library just makes her seem more perfect.

Curious said...

Dorothy? Do you have a girlfriend?

suhh said...

i just got to say, nthis is the best lesbian blogue ever!!!!

i love your humor!!!

you make me laugh everytime|||


portugal is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wuhu keep the amazing work!

Miira said...

Wow. All that and a bookworm, too. Just wow.

Emily said...

Oh Sarah. Oh Sarah Sarah Sarah. Sexy, smart, adorable... And I actually really like Fairly Legal. It's a fun show. Thank you so, so much, Snarker. :)

CelluloidTears said...

Perhaps the most perfect post ever. :P

Anonymous said...

Brilliant post!

Steph Mineart said...

Dear Sarah - I have that library. Seriously; I work for a publisher, my wife works for a publisher; our house is basically wall after wall of books. You should come over. And stay, if you want. - Sincerely, Steph

EG said...

Christ, she's gorgeous. Seriously stunning.

Kathryn said...

She's definitely sexy and comes across as smart, but for my taste, this Esquire/VF photo series is a little too overtly sexualized in service of getting people to watch her new TV show.

Anonymous said...

And she's a mom, too. Wow. If I knew more moms that looked like her I might like kids.

Sonja said...

I got the feeling that her desire for "a Harry Potter library" was more about the aesthetic of the room rather than reading any of the books, but that's okay. When you're that hot, you don't have to read books.

Anonymous said...

OMG Snarker, I've already voted for you yesterday. Not that I'm complaining about that perfectly moulded godly masterpiece of an ass. :D

Sora Ryu said...

This post mad my day. The battle between intellectualism and shahi was great!!

Anonymous said...

geez snarker. get laid already. that was some sad shit. yes, she's a fine woman, but why u so pathetic?

Mari said...

oh sarah sarah... I'm gonna dream with her again!
Damm it you Dorothy||

Amazing post as always! :)


and btw portugal is here too :p

Anonymous said...

Even made everclear miss out that 'to' in the redefining rape article link. Don't blame everclear, of course. I'd probably forget my own name, faced with that amount of 'hot dayum' all at once.

cocoro said...

thanks for the posting,

that's very funny, the way
you talks!

but somewhat, reading books
in that situation is a little
not romantic I feel.

Anonymous said...

not sure why shahi uses soft porn shots to try and further her career. Yes, it's hot but not sure she'll ever be taken seriously if she keeps this up. I always thought the powers that be really exploited her on the L-Word - short shorts, overly sexualizing her all while carefully hiding her Iranian heritage while playing up her Mexican heritage.

Marcus said...

Holy fuck! I can't help noticing her, she's so hot! Great blog post indeed!