My Weekend Crush

In any relationship, there is always the star. The one whose name comes first, whose personality fills the room, whose presence leaves the more lasting impression. But while the quieter partner may be lose out in first impressions, she should never be counted out. For without the yang, the yin cannot make a whole. Without Laurel Holloman, there is no Bette and Tina. There is no center. There is no whole. Bette without Tina to ground her is a one-note character – all power and desire, no heart and consequences. She needs Tina, and we need Laurel.

Of course, Laurel is more than just Tina. She first stole my heart – as I’m sure she did yours – as the adorable Randy Dean. She was the scruffy little butch we all wish we met in high school, or aspired to be. In “The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love,” Laurel was awkward yet determined, goofy yet heroic. Anytime I want a guaranteed giggle, I cue the film up to Randy reading “Leaves of Grass” and replay her delightfully adolescent repeating of the word “crotch.” She so inhabited that role that years later when I encounter her again on my TV, this time in “Angel,” I almost didn’t recognize her.

So then, when we met again in that show about the letter between K and M, I didn’t know what to expect. What we got was strength, smarts, sweetness and, sure, sometimes a neck-bulging screamfest. It’s not easy being the quiet one. But it’s the quiet ones who always surprise you. Happy weekend, all.

Show me your muscles

So, we all already knew that girls' sports were awesome. But now, according to the New York Times, girls' sports are actually lucrative. Suck it, Major League. Though, in all seriousness, anyone who has ever been to a girls' or women's sporting event can tell you that the heart these competitors play with is equal, if not greater than, any competitor in men's sports. This is because, for the most part, they aren't playing for glory or future fame or big shoe endorsements. They're playing for the unadulterated, uncomplicated, uncompromised love of the game. So, yeah, girls' sports are awesome. And the women these girl athletes grow into, sweet holy hell, they're hot.

Dara Torres I focus on her abs so much I forget she has killer arm cleavage.

Detroit ShockI'd better see him wear this during one of his pick-up games.

Serena WilliamsThose arms make me want to be a better woman.

Jelena JankovicThese too.

Natasha KaiWanna see ‘Tasha get a tattoo? Course you do.

Blanca VlasicOh my, the bendy.

Lolo JonesI think she might possibly be perfect, tiny trip and all.

Bust a move

Oh, joy. Oh, happiness. Oh, GLEE! Good news Gleeks, your favorite group of singing misfits will return a week sooner than planned, on Sept. 9. This means only 42 more days until the all-singing, all-dancing, all-snarking fabulosity that is “Glee” returns to our televisions. It’s been a while since a program made me this unabashedly giddy with delight. I think the last one bordering on that was “Pushing Daisies.” And before that, probably “Wonderfalls.”

So what it is about “Glee” that hits my happy place? (No, not that happy place. That’s the “Spartacus: Blood and Sand” trailer) It’s clearly not just the singing. If that was the case I’d be watching Daniela Sea Zac Efron croon about shooting baskets and receiving naughty emails from Vanessa Hudgens. It’s the bite – the sharp, stinging bite that made the first episode such a wondrous thing to behold. Also Jane Lynch. Sweet fancy Moses, let there be more Jane Lynch.

Fox has released a new clip, and it is fan-fucking-tastic. In it, Mercedes (the divatastic Amber Riley) covers Jazmine Sullivan’s “Bust Your Windows” and reveals a doomed love for the club’s resident gay boy, Kurt (Chris Colfer). Cock your shoulder and flex your attitude. Then press play. [If YouTube pulls this non-geoblocked clip, I’ll repost the official Hulu version.]

Besides just kicking all around ass (also, hello bikini-clad cheerleader backup dancers), this clip tells us that not all the numbers in the “Glee” universe will be relegated to the club’s performances. Neat! If any show can make breaking into spontaneous song smoking instead of silly, it’s this one. I replayed that clip three times in a row and it improved my mood tenfold.

So, are you ready? OK! Give me a “G!” Give me a “L!” Give me an “E!” Give me another “E!” What’s that spell? Hell fucking yeah, that’s what it spells.

Tank Top Tuesday

I realize now I probably committed an unacceptable, unconscionable, unforgiveable crime against tank tops yesterday with my initial photo choice. Is there an apology big enough to atone for that sin? Can my sense of sexy be redeemed? Seriously, what the fuck was I thinking? I cannot answer these questions. I can, however, grovel at the feet of Teh Hot and ask humbly for its forgiveness. I think Halle Berry is a good start. As for the rest of my mea culpa, it goes a little something like this.

Angelina JoliePadma LakshmiPortia de RossiSandra BullockJenny ShimizuTricia Helfer, Lucy Lawless, Grace ParkLaura SánchezI haven’t seen “Los hombres de Paco” yet. Clearly, I am an idiot.

So, is all forgiven? Well, can I at least stop sleeping on the couch?

Sometimes they come back

Over the weekend at the big ladies-with-laptops BlogHer conference, we saw The Return of Chaiken. Yes, Ilene was back. She was talking. She was sorry. And by sorry she meant, “Go see my movie.” As reported on Twitter by Trish (our intrepid AfterEllen Blog Headmistress), Mama C addressed both a) the fans’ reactions b) those “The L Word: The Movie” rumors.

First, her mea culpa:

“I made a foolish mistake saying didn’t care what viewers wanted in the stories. Learned a lot from engaging with community.”

And all the lesbians in the room say, “DUH!”

Then, her humdinger:

“When we make ‘The L Word’ movie, we will say who killed Jenny. Movie is in scripting process.”

When. Not if. WHEN. Seems that was her plan all along – string ’em along to get a spinoff movie made. I knew it, I fucking knew it. Of course, this strategy comes with a very real risk. When she finally decides to tell us who killed Jenny, will we still care?

Do I care who killed Jenny at this point? Not really. I mean, it’s just not one of those great, haunting unanswered cinematic questions. Like, what did Bill Murray say to Scarlett Johansson at the end of “Lost in Translation?” What was in that briefcase in “Pulp Fiction?” Or, seriously, what the fuck was that all about, “Mulholland Dr.?”

But will I still go see the movie? Who am I kidding, I’m totally going. The siren song of Jennifer Beals’ ass in a perfectly-tailored power suit is just too strong. If I can make it through six sanity-sapping seasons, I can certainly make it through two hours of whatever crazy Chaiken can throws up there now. Plus, I own a flask. Two even.

The Puppetmaster

I guess what irks me most is even though Ilene says she is sorry for being all “Ney-ner, ney-ner, it’s my show so suck it!” about the storylines, I still feel manipulated. Artists don’t have to justify their art. She doesn’t owe us anything, but she owes her stories everything. She owes them truth and consistency. And all too often that’s just not what they received.

Look, I will forever be grateful to Ilene for creating this amazing universe and bringing together even more amazing women to inhabit it. But such is the great conundrum for GLBT viewers everywhere. We are unquestionably grateful and thrilled when any artist chooses to tell our stories. But that doesn’t mean, sometimes, we can’t wish those stories were better. Or made sense. Or didn’t make you want to throw any and all heavy objects within arm’s reach at your television.

Though I guess the one good thing about a movie version is that no matter what happens, we’ll at least get a nice big tub of popcorn out of the whole experience. So, are you in? And, most important, butter or no butter?

My Weekend Crush

Sure, there are the doe eyes and the milky skin. The multi-watt smile and the flowing raven tresses. But what I like most about Anne Hathaway is that she seems complete. No, not in that hokey Jerry Maguire way of completing each other. It’s that no part of her life seems particularly out of sync – nothing needs to be fixed or fretted over. OK, she has made some questionable boyfriend choices, but that just makes us love her more. She is human, after all. What she has done throughout her career is steadily build a reputation based not on her partying or panty-flashing, diva demands or distracting drama, but on talent, smarts, hard-work and mutual respect. She has done it all while remaining refreshingly friendly with fans, accessible without being an open book and just amiably herself. In Hollywood, that’s as close to a fairy tale as you can get. Now, thanks to “Twelfth Night,” we know she doesn’t just have to play the princess. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday

I don’t know why, perhaps it was researching the great Greta last week, but I’ve been in a retro mood lately. Last Thursday we had The Original Gender Fuck Fatale, Marlene Dietrich. But Marlene wasn’t the only lady back in the day who could mess with what is masculine. Let’s face it, women in suits and menswear are hot now, then and forever. Another look back, in wonder.

Josephine BakerAmelia Earhart(Young) Joan CrawfordClara BowCarole LombardLauren BacallKatharine HepburnGreta Garbo

I like the way you move

Ugh, it’s been a bit of a week. And to top it all off, last night my internet and phone both went out for hours (oh, the joy of Comast). But they’re both back, at least for now. So I’ve decided that I’m going to let Emma Watson kiss it and make it all better. What? She is 19 now. Stop judging me! And because it has really, really been that kind of a week, I’ve decided that still images just aren’t enough today. So with that, it’s alive! Alive!

Emma Watson

Gosh, that does feel better.

Elizabeth Mitchell

Oh to have her look at me like that, just once.

Agent Sarah Walker

More like Agent Sarah Crawler!

Joan Holloway

Inappropriate workplace thoughts in 5, 4, 3, 2…

Rachel Maddow

The adorkability, it burns!

Ahhh, much better. Something about watching hot, smart, funny, hot women over and over and over and over and over. What? I’m sorry, was I talking? I think I got a little hypnotized there for a second. It’s just something about watching hot, smart, funny, hot women over and over and over and over…

Note: I know the cutehotadorablehotfunnyhot is irresistible, but if you want to share please save and upload instead of hotlink. Thanks.

What happens in Top Chef...

Chefbians, chefbians, everywhere chefbians. Top Chef is back, flavor lovers. And it’s bringing two chefbians, one Padma and more tattooed gals than you can shake a ladle at. I’m not kidding, there is some serious ink happening this season. (Yes, I cropped Toby Young out of that top picture. But, yes, he will be back. And, no, I’m not pleased about it.) Now before we get to the painted ladies, we need to get to the gay ladies. On “Top Chef: Las Vegas” we’ve got two: [Click any, all to embiggen]

Bay Area chef Preeti Mistry, 33Seattle chef Ashley Merriman, 32

Well, they sure weren’t making it hard on our gaydar this season. I think I could have spotted them blindfolded from 30,000 feet. Faux hawks, copious tattoos, bed head. It’s all there.

But, interestingly, the lesbians aren’t the most extreme ink bearers this season. No, that distinction lies with two apparently straight contestants: Philly-based chef Jennifer Zavala [left] and Baltimore-based chef Jesse Sandlin [right]. A full-on neck tattoo and dramatic décolletage decoration? Whoa.

Rounding out Team Rainbow on the fella’s side is Ash Fulk, a 29-year-old New York-based chef. The tie is, apparently, the giveaway there.

But, I rather thought these two guys might be covert Team Rainbow members. A jaunty scarf and a bear beard? Puh-lease.

The scarf dude is French so, well, that explains that. Chef Bear still has some explaining to do.

The rest of the ladies, ranked in order of gayness [starting top left]: Robin Leventhal, Laurine Wickett, Eve Aronoff and Jennifer Carroll:

Now my other big take-away from the new Sin City edition was this little nugget from the press release:

Some of the top names in food, movies and entertainment including Wolfgang Puck, Todd English, Natalie Portman, Daniel Boulud, Penn & Teller, Hubert Keller, Laurent Tourondel, Tim Love, Michelle Bernstein, Tyler Florence, Charlie Palmer, Paul Bartolotta, Nigella Lawson, Jerome Bocuse and Thomas Keller.

Dear whatever deity you believe or don’t believe in wherever he or she or nothing may reside, Padma Lakshmi and Nigella Lawson are going to be in the same room eating food and, if history is any indication, licking it off their fingers/spoons/whatever other lucky inanimate object may be nearby. That thud you heard was me passing out.

Natalie and Padma in the same room is all kinds of awesome, too. But I’ve never looked at Natalie and thought, “Now there’s a big eater.” Nigella, on the other hand, wrote the book on food porn. “Top Chef: Las Vegas” premieres Aug. 19 on Bravo. I’ll be there, bib at the ready.

p.s. Did you know Padma is working on her own sitcom? No, I’m not kidding. No, really, I’m not kidding. Check the date. It’s not even close to April 1.

Ready...aim...

Bang. Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just the best way I knew how to greet Monday. Now, before we begin, I’d like to note that I in no way condone violence. I don’t own guns. I’ve never shot a gun. And I’m all for gun control. Suck it, NRA. Having said that, there is also something unspeakably sexy about a woman with a gun – like our gal Mariska. We’re going to ignore old Sigmund and all his talk of willy envy. Balderdash. This is just about power, and power has nothing inherently to do with willies. So there. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a gal with steely determination and killer aim – especially when she is not pointed at me. Happiness is a warm gun, being held by a hot lady.

Elizabeth MitchellAnna TorvYvonne StrahovskiSarah ShahiKeira KnightleySummer GlauLena HeadeyEva MendesPam GrierJodie Foster

And the winners are...

Whoo-doogie, there were a lot of you who wanted some free summer reading. I’m thrilled there is so much excitement about Malinda’s book. I can’t wait until the rest of the world get their chance to read it, too. “Ash” comes out Sept. 1 and is already available for pre-order. The winners of the autographed copies are:

• Dianna
• Angelina

Enjoy the book, ladies. And for all my overseas friends, Malinda said there might be another drawing when the UK version is released. So please stay tuned. Happy reading!

My Weekend Crush

Women who make me laugh are always sexy. There is something fearless about a person who just gives herself over to the absurdity of it all and lets her body become a punchline. Kristen Wiig, who could easily get by by being just lanky and beautiful, makes it look effortless. As the last female powerhouse performer left on “Saturday Night Live,” it was up to Kristen to take up the torch left by such greats as Gilda Radner, Jane Curtin, Tina Fey, Maya Rudolph and Amy Poehler before her. She has done it all with an abandon that is both admirable and, well, just plain funny. So I was especially pleased to see her get a much-deserved Emmy nomination in a category packed with ridiculously talented women including her former SNL co-star Amy and pocket-sized cutie Kristin Chenoweth. Wherever she pops up, be it in small roles like “Knocked Up” or “Ghost Town,” she shines with her combination of daffy and deadpan. And no one makes hitting on hot girls more painfully awkward or endearing than Kristen.

Now, thanks to a role in the upcoming Ellen Page, Drew Barrymore rollerderby flick “Whip It!,” it looks like we can add daredevil demigod to that list. (Check out my post on the trailer at AfterEllen.com later today.) Be your own hero, indeed. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday

If you want to talk women in suits, I mean really talk women in suits, you have to start with Marlene. There is no better starting point, and quite possibly no one better period, than Marlene Dietrich. Just her name evokes images of a perfectly tailored tuxedo. She rocked the gender fuck before rocking the gender fuck was common or even cool. But, wow, did she ever make it cool. Now that it’s also more common, we have Marlene to thank, too.

With Maurice Chevalier & Gary Cooper

With Joan CrawfordWith Orson Welles

I believe, at the very least, a posthumous muffin basket is in order.

Biker babes

Life can be filled with unexpected peanut butter and jelly moments. You know, those organic couplings where two great things that go great together finally get together. Well, today is one of those days. You see: I like cute girls; I like the planet. Hello, cute girls helping to save the planet by riding bikes. After all, dykes do love their bikes.

Erin Daniels
Brigitte Bardot


Audrey Hepburn


Natalie Portman


Elle Macpherson


Tina Fey
Ellen Page

p.s. Though, seriously ladies, who bikes in a dress?

Tank Top Tuesday

My Weekend Crush last Friday had the added benefit of reminding me that I really don’t post about music enough. Granted, I’m no music blogger. While I love every buttery morsel of pop culture, I’ve always have been more of a film/TV connoisseur than a music aficionado. In fact, the breadth of my musical abilities involved reaching over and turning on the radio. Over the years, for whatever reason, my consumption of music has gone from obsessive to casual. Who knows why: lack of free time, lack of attention span, lack of auditory acuity. But that doesn’t mean my enjoyment of music has decreased, nor has my admiration for the musicians. And somehow the music sounds even better when they’re wearing tank tops. Funny how that works.

Alicia KeysNothing gay about this picture, nothing at all.

Brandi CarlileSee above.

Rachael Cantu & Missy HigginsThere are actually two things gay about this picture.

Missy & her armsSee above, again.

Tegan and SaraDid you know it’s really fucking hard to find a picture of both Tegan and Sara in tank tops? Did you know that the best I could do was these muscle shirty things? Did you know I love them, regardless? Well, now you do.

M.I.A.This is really more suspenders than a tank top. Close enough.

Feist1, 2, 3, 4 tell me that Feist should wear tank tops more.

Debbie HarryCall me, indeed.

Joan JettJoan Jett gets more chicks than you. This is just a fact.

See, told you.

Smoke and “Ash”

Just to show you it’s not all hot girls in tank tops and lacy underthings (not that there is anything wrong with that, nothing at all), let’s talk books. And, to put a finer point on it, let’s talk one book. Let’s talk “Ash,” the first book by Malinda Lo. Many of you will remember Malinda as the former AfterEllen.com managing editor. She still writes the column Notes & Queeries and her vlog The Lo-Down will return next month. Malinda left the site last year to complete “Ash,” a lesbian retelling of Cinderella. Now it is set to come out in September. I’m about a third of the way through and can happily report that Malinda has created a lush, lavishly-descriptive universe that will immerse readers young and old.

Malinda has graciously agreed to giveaway two autographed advanced copies. But before you start clamoring for a copy, let’s find out a little more about the story.

A quick Q&A with Malinda about “Ash”

DS: Describe the story of “Ash.”
ML: In the most blatant of terms, it's a lesbian retelling of Cinderella.
Stepping back from that concept a bit, Ash is about a girl who is grieving the loss of her parents, who both die in quick succession when she's only 12 years old. That loss sends her into a deep, almost suicidal depression. The novel tells the story of Ash coming out of that depression and choosing to live. The fact that she falls in love with a woman, as opposed to a man, is almost secondary.

DS: Where did the idea come from?
ML: I chose to retell the story of Cinderella because as a kid, I loved reading Robin McKinley's retellings of fairy tales, and she never retold Cinderella. I wrote Ash because I wanted to read it.

DS: What was it about the Cinderella story that you thought was ripe for the retelling?
ML: I actually had no idea if it was ripe for retelling — I didn't choose it, so much as it chose me. It's always been my favorite fairy tale.

DS: Did you always want to bring gay storylines into your work?
ML: Funny you ask that, because the answer is no. The first draft of Ash was not gay at all — Ash initially fell in love with the prince. After I gave it to a friend to read, she pointed out that the prince was pretty boring. I looked at the story more closely and realized that Ash was actually falling in love with someone else, and that someone else was a woman — Kaisa, the King's Huntress.

DS: Was it hard, getting mainstream publishers to accept a lesbian storyline in young adult fiction? Was there any resistance?
ML: I haven't had any resistance at all. My agent was behind it 100% from the get-go, and we received offers from several publishers who were all very enthusiastic about the lesbian story line. My editor, honestly, encouraged me to intensify the romance between Ash and Kaisa.
What I find interesting is that my publisher, Little, Brown, isn't positioning the book as a lesbian book, really. If you read the cover copy, it's not even entirely clear that Ash falls in love with a woman. It's being positioned as a mainstream YA fantasy — even more so in the U.K. I just got the cover copy from my U.K. publisher, Hodder, and there's basically no hint that there's a same-sex romance in there.
I don't think they're trying to hide it, because they're very supportive of reaching out to LGBT readers. I just think they believe the gay part is mostly irrelevant.

DS: What do you hope readers, both young and old, take away from the book?
ML: I just hope they'll find an enjoyable story — that sounds really basic, but it's true. And since I didn't write Ash as a young adult novel (I just wrote it — the categorization came after it was finished), I do hope adults as well as teens pick it up.
Other than that, I must admit that I really hope lesbian/bi readers like Kaisa. Not that straight readers can't like her too! But I think she deserves to be crushed on. :)

DS: Are you working on your next one? What’s it about?
ML: Yes, I'm currently in the middle of revising my next novel, which is sort of a prequel to Ash. It takes place several hundreds of years before, but it's set in the same world, and it's about the first woman to become a King's Huntress. It's my version of a quest story, so there's a dangerous journey, powerful magic, ancient fairies, and romance — plus, of course, lesbians. Barring unforeseen circumstances, it should come out in fall 2010.

If you are interested in receiving a free copy of “Ash,” leave your email address in the comments section (spelled out if you’re worried about spammers) by noon Thursday PST. I will pick the two winners via my friend the random number generator and post them on Friday Monday. Find out more about “Ash” and Malinda at her website, www.malindalo.com. Happy reading.

NOTE: Unfortunately, this giveaway is limited to US and Canada residents. I believe it's for legal release reasons. But Malinda said she hopes to have another giveaway for all non-North Americans once the UK edition comes out. So please stay tuned and my apologies.

NOTE II: Entries are now closed. The winner will be announced on Monday. Thanks so much for your interest!

My Weekend Crush

Few people stare better than Clea DuVall. Just straight ahead, unblinking. People always say a smile is your best accessory, but I rather prefer Clea when she doesn’t. Not that she doesn’t have a lovely smile, the way the lines around her mouth crinkle and stretch. But something about that slightly sullen, somewhat bemused stare just makes me weak. Clea’s been making me weak for ten years now, since she sulked into my heart as the surly Graham in “But I’m a Cheerleader.” That scene at the bar, as she leans against it in that black shirt and watches Natasha Lyonne dance with Julie Delpy. Deal sealed. But then, of course, I’ve always had a thing for the tomboys. And that she may also be fulfilling her tomboy tendencies with the lovely Camila Grey of Uh Huh Her, gosh, that’s making me weak all over again. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. I dare you to find a more gay and more kick-ass photo than this. Double-dog, even.

I want pie

Good God, Mary-Louise Parker. You are just going to have to stop being this sexy. It’s ridiculous. It’s distracting. It’s ridiculously distracting. How am I expected to get any work done? How am I expected to form complete sentences? I mean, I’ve even broken one of my cardinal (though, really, I prefer bluejays) rules and post pictures of you twice in one week. But if you insist on making cherry pie in black, lacy panties and flashing your business (front and back, you spoil us with your generosity), I will be forced to post the pictures. You leave me no other choice. [NSFW, naturally, but you already looked at the first one so why stop now? And, while you’re at it, click any and all to enlarge. You can thank me later.]

Look, MLP, you’re even making me for the first (and hopefully last) time spontaneously break into Warrant lyrics. Because your cherry pie is most definitely making this grown woman cry. I am going to ignore the fact that these photos accompany a “Thank You Note to Men” you wrote for the August issue of Esquire. Men are so needy, they have to be singled out and praised like puppies (no offense, fellas). But us ladies, we know implicitly that you’re thankful for us, too. And, sweet merciful Zeus, are we ever thankful for you. The only way this could possibly get better is if you tucked us into bed, gave us a nice cup of milk and read us a bedtime story – in those panties. Oh, wait. Well, fuck, now you’ve got me quoting the Eurythmics. Sweet dreams are made of this, indeed.

A holy mackerel story

Hey, lesbians, our leader is back! After a long, agonizing week and one day without her, Rachel Maddow has returned to our television machines. Look, oh great brainy one, you can’t go leaving us for this long again. Who will mock Gov. Argentina’s inability to stop talking? Who will mock Gov. I Quit’s inability to talk in coherent sentences? Who will show up on set wearing … wait for it, wait for it … WADERS!?

And, just in case you had forgotten during to her 192-hours (but who is counting) of absence, Maddow reminded us all why we love her in the first place:

“I am talking to you from New York. I’m gay. My name is Rachel so people think I’m Jewish. And I’m very liberal.”

Oh, Rachel. Seriously, never leave us for that long again. I mean, it’s not like Ana Marie Cox can flirt interview herself.

p.s. On the other hand, if you are to ever go on a (well-deserved) vacation again, please continue to share pictures of your exploits in all of your there’s-nothing-redundant-about-a-lesbian-fishing-expedition, look-even-the-lure-is-pink, nobody-puts-baby-in-a-corner jean-shorted glory.

Tank Top Tuesday

You remember back in the day when radio DJs would actually take live calls from listeners and give long, involved dedications (the more civilized precursor to the shout out)? Well, this is the blog equivalent. This one goes out to tweetbian extraordinaire and Show Us Your Cocktails champ @TruMischief. Me and my friend Mary-Louise Parker (above) want to give her heart a nice big jolt before she goes in for surgery on it Thursday. So (said in my best Casey Kasem voice) gather around, dolls and dudes, and listen look close. This next song post is a special request for TruMischief and all the TruMischiefs out there who like gals, who like tank tops and who really like gals in tank tops together. DJ, drop the needle.

Rachel BilsonIs it wrong that I always confuse her with Mila Kunis?

Erin KellyCatholic school girl uniform or tank top? Either way, you win.

Anna TorvMy favorite things-that-go-bump-in-the-night-chasing FBI agent since Scully.

Mary McCormackShe makes me want to volunteer for Witness Protection.

Elizabeth MitchellThis is really more of a cap sleeve, but I’ll give it a pass because the women got to roll around naked with Angelina Jolie.

Sara RamirezShe hit the trifecta with a tank top, ball cap and gay BFF

Mary Stuart MastersonBack in 1987, you knew with all of your little gay heart that Watts was a big honking lesbian. And, don’t lie, you totally fantasized about her and Lea Thompson making out.

You’re standing on my neck

This just might be my favorite screenshot in the history of ever. That’s right, your eyes do not deceive. “Daria” is FINALLY coming to DVD next year. This news makes me happier than a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains. That I loved Daria with all of my misanthropic soul goes without saying. Smart snarky gals in combat boots? Be. Still. My. Heart. The show was an oasis of cynicism for the misery chick in all of us. She pointed out the absurd, the superficial, the hypocritical in that delicious dead-pan. I watched and rewatched until I could rewatch no more because it had disappeared from the TV landscape altogether. But now, a full seven years after the show left the air, comes news that we can continue having low esteem for everyone else together.

Oh, and Daria and Jane totally hooked up when they got to college. Don’t even pretend that’s not just stone cold fact. You think they picked Iowa or Vermont to tie the knot?

[Image via deviantART.]

My Weekend Crush

It may seem odd, on a weekend dedicated to America and fireworks and backyard BBQ, to pick a distinctly distinguished British actress. But, bear with me, this is just how my mind works sometimes. You see, whenever I think of Julie Andrews, I think of the holidays. Perhaps it’s because her iconic films like “The Sound of Music” and “Mary Poppins” seemed to be replayed constantly during long holiday weekends when I was a child. Or perhaps it’s because her uninhibited, full-throated, mountain-top spin introducing us to Maria always makes me think of freedom. (Admit it, you totally did that spin in your living room until you were woozy and your parents told you to sit down, already.) Or maybe it’s that I just like being a contrarian and on the day we Yanks celebrate our independence with bombs bursting in air, I have to go pick a Brit.

Whatever the reason, Julie has always been one of my favorite things. Her perpetually pleasant parlance, her wonderfully winsome personality and her resolutely short hair all made her stand out as an independent role model growing up. Her singularly sensational singing abilities are unquestionable, of course. But what I always liked about her was she presented another, more approachable option to girls. We can’t all be Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn (and, no, we won’t get into the “My Fair Lady” brouhaha here). But perhaps we could be Julie instead. You don’t have to be perfect in every, just practically so. Also, heavens, didn’t she just look supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in a tux? Happy Fourth of July weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday

The art and craft of the gender fuck is not limited to gals dressing like guys. It’s also the natural realm of that once ubiquitous species known as The Tomboy. Now, these days the tomboy seems to be lumped under the larger umbrella of butch. Which is all fine and good. But I’ve always had a soft spot for the tomboy. I was a tomboy, minus any semblance of athletic ability. Now not all tomboys grow up to be butches and not all butches were originally tomboys. Sure they’re intricately intertwined, but it’s still fun to think about the tomboy as her own entity. There is a build-in practicality to tomboys. Her clothes must be climb-a-tree, ride-a-skateboard, beat-up-a-bully ready. She has style all her own that blends the masculine and feminine both simply and seamlessly. Also, tomboys are just damn cute. And, from the look of Kate Moennig (above* and below) and her jaunty chapeau, she knows it too. [*Swapped out that first photo, just in case Google image search was trying to confound me.]

Clea DuVallNote the tomboy staples: the white v-neck and the hoodie.

Ellen PageYes, hon, but boxers or briefs?

Queen LatifahDressed up or dressed to ride, she’s still the Queen Tom.

Jodie FosterOpen a dictionary to “tomboy,” and you’ll find this.

What’s new, pussycat?

Well, file this under the category of “Things That Are Obvious.” I never noticed how many photographers thought it a genius idea to pose beautiful women with big cats – real or otherwise. I’ll give you a split-second to realize why. Big cats, large kitties, enormous puss… Yeah, now you’ve got it. Subtlety is, indeed, for pussies. Though, if taken to its ultimate and inevitable conclusion, all these photos could also be considered a metaphor for gay women. No, not for that reason. Get your heads out of the gutter, people. Instead it’s because we can identify. I mean, we are the original crazy cat ladies. Here kitty, kitty, indeed.

Christina AguileraChrist, it’s even pink.

Alicia SilverstoneI hate it when I wear the same thing to the photoshoot as the leopard.

Lily AllenJazz paws!

Chloe SevignyThe real Pussycat Doll.

And just in case you dog lovers were feeling left out, these are for you. At this point, the giving a dog a bone jokes just write themselves.

Kylie MinoguePlease, God, let this just be an post-Frisbee cigarette.

Julianne MooreNever mind the LOLcats, give this dog a cheezburger.

p.s. I’m just going to let this one speak for itself. I don’t even want to imagine what they’re a euphemism for.