Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Tina on Palin:
Palin on Alaska:
Palin on the bailout:
Palin on deregulation:
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Probably both. One heartbeat away, people. One. Heartbeat. Away. ... Shudder. As Tina said last week at the Emmy Awards:
“I want to be done playing this lady Nov. 5. So if anybody can help me be done playing this lady Nov. 5, that would be good for me.”
Amen, sister. Amen.
The Red Hot Paprika
Sarah in Chicago
All winners were picked with the help of a random number generator doohickey (yes, that's the technical term). Thanks again to everyone who entered and stay on the lookout. Who knows when more goodies will fall into my lap.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
For those who plan to fast forward to the good parts, you're going to have to fast forward for quite a long time. There are a couple of cute, quick non-addressing the issue scenes early on. Then one subtexty, quick non-addressing the issue scene in the middle. And then you'll need to skip to the last eight minutes of the whole two-hour show to get to the good stuff. But when you get there, it is indeed “awkward” and “endearing.” I'm going to reserve “awesome” for now, just because my definition of awesome usually involves kissing. It also lasts longer. The Scene in question is only about a minute and a half.
But in that 90 seconds you get to hear them say “the experiment was kind of a success,” “I've never done this before,” “this kinda makes us virgins” and “we can be scared together.” You also get to see them make faces like this:
See what I meant about endearing?
You'll just have to watch for the rest. But until then, please enjoy something that really is awesome. The kind of awesome that sustained Callica fans through the long, hot summer. The kiss:
p.s. By the way, the scorching soundtrack to their kiss in last season's finale is “The Quest” by Bryn Christopher. If you like what you hear, I have five digital EPs of his to give away. If you want one, leave your email in the comments (feel free to spell it out to foil spammers). Enter until midnight tonight. I'll pick five at random and let you know the winners Monday.
UPDATE I: Thanks for entering. See the winners here.
UPDATE II: Look, ma, no fast-forwarding. [Hat tip, Debbie!]
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Admittedly, Lindsay's coming out process has been the most fascinating to watch. Having one of America's hottest starlets potentially be part of a lesbian relationship was like fresh carrion to the gossip vultures. But that's not what made it fascinating. Nor was it because of her status among the paparazzi princesses who crashed and burned to a chorus of flashbulbs. No, what made it fascinating is that her experience seems to mirror that of so many young gay or questioning women today.
Lindsay found someone she liked. That someone happened to be a girl. So they started hanging out together and going everywhere together. And soon they were just together. And they never hid it. Sure, they never confirmed it until this week either. But there they were shopping together and traveling together and attending parties together and working together. They held hands. They cuddled. They kissed. They were out without being out.
DJ: Now, you guys, you and Samantha have been going out for how long now?
DJ: Like two years? One year? Five months? Two months?
Lindsay: A long...a very long time.
DJ: Well good, well I hope you guys stay together. You are a very lovely looking couple.
Lindsay: Thank you very much.
I haven't always been a fan of Lindsay's. Actually, I was a fan of hers before I wasn't a fan of hers (call it my inner John Kerry). While I'll never support the vapid excess that led to her reckless behavior, I'll be the first to applaud her for pulling herself together and not squandering her talent. And talent she has, the real deal. Just re-watch “Mean Girls,” trust me. So it's unfair to lump her in with the famous for being famous Paris-Kim-Nicole set.
Yet with that simple confirmation Lindsay has hopefully forever closed the door on the last bit of so-called salaciousness in her life. It's only fun to gossip about rumors. Facts, well, they take all the naughtiness out of the equation. Ellen and Portia go to the supermarket and the movies and the car wash together all the time. But while the paparazzi still follow them, you don't see them splashed across on the gossip sites every day. They're old news – just another boring happy couple. And, now, maybe Lindsay and Samantha are one, too. Gosh, wouldn't that be refreshing.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Sometimes, when you get it right you get it so right. Sure I've bitched. Sure I've moaned (both the good and bad kinds, ahem). But today when I read, straight from Xena's chakram, that none other than Lucy Lawless was going to make an appearance on the final season of “The L Word” I almost forgave you for all your transgressions. (Well, not Dana, I'll never forgive you for Dana. Or the floating words. Or the inexplicable character personality whiplash between seasons...wait, wasn't I forgiving you?)
But, hello, inspired casting. To have Xena and Bette on the same show? Now that's an Alpha Lesbian pairing for the ages. I mean it, that might almost be too much for our little gay brains to compute. You might hear heads exploding all across the globe. Talk about la mort heureuse.
Sure, we don't know the specifics yet. Lucy just told us to look for her “on The L Word at some point.” But she couldn't tell us anything about it because “it's deep in the closet.” That wording has to be ironic. Look, I'll tell you right now that Lucy and Jennifer Beals better share some screen time. That's just mandatory. In fact, she better meet and mingle with the entire cast. And, as a special favor, can you have her bring the breast plate? What? I had to ask.
So, many thanks for spreading lesbionic joy among the masses. And, just in case you still have a guest spot left for yet another dykon next season, might I suggest – oh, dream of dreams – Jodie Foster. Heck, if you can get Jodie I'll even forgive you for the Dana thing. Think about it.
With love (and sometimes hate),
p.s. While I'm a tad miffed you didn't tell me this gaytastic news in person, a big Warrior Princess sword tip to The Gentleman for relaying it instead.
Monday, September 22, 2008
The Emmys are, at best, Oscar's less flashy younger sister. At worst they're the wicked stepsister Oscar can't uninvite from Thanksgiving dinner. Last night's show started out in stepsister territory and was only saved from a permanent banishment from all future family gatherings by some deserving winners. No, I'm not talking automatic-for-the-Emmy winners like Jeremy Piven (third consecutive, really? Though his zing on the uber-lame Emmy opening bit redeemed him a tad). Speaking of the five-headed hosting monster of Bergeron-Klum-Mandel-Probst-Seacrest, I've seen more chemistry in a bag of Pop Rocks.
And while I'm on the topic, whoever had the bright idea to have two men literally rip the clothes off of Heidi Klum should be fired. No, wait, they should first be paraded into a public square and have their clothes ripped off. Then they should be fired. I'd expect some terrible, not to mention terribly sexist (the real kind, not the Palin variety), stunt on “Who Wants to Marry America's Most Eligible Pirate Whisperer,” but never on a show that is actually supposed to award excellence.
Now I will try to forget the night's copious blerg-worthy bits and only think the happy thoughts the night's most deserving winners gave me. A salute to the people who made losing those three hours of my life called the Emmy Awards seem almost worth it.
while winning for acting) and her recitation of all the places online and TV you can watch “30 Rock” (watch, dammit, watch!) she alone made those three hours of my life worth it. Plus, did you see her holding hands with Amy Poehler when she came on to present? Commence femslash in 5-4-3-2-1...
p.s. I cannot possibly overemphasize how much the show (minus its winners) both sucked and blew. Wretched, utterly wretched.
Friday, September 19, 2008
After only a fortnight of holding court, the former Rhodes Scholar is already a force to be reckoned with in the political landscape. While she is unabashedly liberal, she isn't blindly partisan. Talking points are the anathema of her show. Her winning mix of unstoppable smarts, persuasive passion, hilarious incredulity and adorable dorkiness make her any thinking gal's dream date. But what really makes her so good is that she cares. She cares deeply about politics. She cares about who is telling the truth. She cares about who is lying. She cares about what works. She cares about what doesn't work. She cares because she knows that political decisions matter in people's personal lives. Some line-item in a 200-page bill could actually means something in your everyday life. It could mean you finally get health care to cover your child. It could mean your company gets a tax break to ship your job overseas. It could mean that your government can deny you even the most basic protections simply because the person you love happens to be of the same sex.
Lots of people hate politicians, and with good reason. But politics doesn't have to be about strife and division. It should be about working together to find ways to make sure our government truly work for the people it represents. Rachel knows that. And that's why she cares. Happy weekend, all.
p.s. Damn, how sexy is that smarty?
Thursday, September 18, 2008
According to The Ausiello Files, fans will have to wait to the end of next Thursday's season premiere for the good stuff. But when it comes, it could be very good indeed. He reports:
“There's an awesome, awkward, totally endearing scene between the two of them at the end of the premiere. Sara Ramirez, in particular, is just fantastic.”
Awesome? Awkward? Endearing? That sounds like my first lesbian kiss, but you'd also have to add “Clumsy” to my list of adjectives. And, is it just me, or does Sara Ramirez look a little extra gay in this still from the first episode?
Though, seriously ABC, could you have possibly seated Sara and Brooke Smith further apart in this promo shot? Sheesh, why not ship one of them to Siberia, it would be closer.
In other news, Ausiello hints that the Callica love train may not be the only Sapphic action at Seattle Grace this season. Could it be that the the new female intern (Janina Gavankar, but she'll always be Papi to you and me) is also bisexual? Again, he reports:
“Meanwhile, looking ahead, there's buzz that Callica may not be the only members of Seattle Grace's rapidly expanding LGBT community. Although I haven't been able to confirm this, there's a rumor going around that when the casting call for the new female intern went out last month, interested parties were told they had to be comfortable making out with both men and women. Coincidence then that the actress who got the role hails from The L Word? Only time will tell!”
While it's a tad obvious to go with an L Word actress for the role, I'm always happy to see more of The Gay on the old idiot box. Imagine that, three gay woman on one show. What a concept. Damn, I may actually have to start watching, navel lint and all.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Ellen revealed the news on her talk show yesterday. She struck some faux supermodel poses (what, no Blue Steel?) and then showed a behind the scenes photo of her “hours and hours” of lip liner application. Her campaign starts in January and already CoverGirl is promoting Ellen for having “smarts, confidence and a beauty that flows from the inside out.” Regardless of how you feel about makeup (I hardly touch the stuff), it's a step in the right direction for someone like Ellen to be the next CoverGirl. So, in honor of her historic spokeswomanship, let's all be lipstick lesbians today – if only in spirit. If we can explode the myths about lesbian femininity and redefine traditional beauty norms, can the total eradication of the mullet be far behind? We can only pray. And until then, is my lipstick on straight? Wait, wrong word.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Let's see: Interest rate cuts reassessed, Asian market commits suicide thanks to Lehman Brothers, Health plans suck and even economists know it, cellphones and train conductors don't mix and – wait, hello, hello, what's this? – Megan Fox had a femme Nikita?
Yes, Megan Fox, America's hottie du jour, once dated a Russian stripped named Nikita. Why? Because she “smelled like angels.” Paging, Cinemax After Dark, Cinemax After Dark, your plotline is waiting.
But what I found less astonishing than the fact that Megan had a brief foray into the love that dare not speak it's name (except maybe in Russian), was the fact that the AP would package the story along with the rest of its important “Top News.” While I love celebrity gossip as much if not considerably more than the next gal, um...priorities? It's not like yesterday was a slow news day or something, what with the U.S. economy collapsing and all.
Still, I have to give the AP a little credit for not running with the headline from the original GQ cover story where Megan talked about her Sapphic strip teaser. It demurely reads: “MEGAN FOX WAS A TEENAGE LESBIAN!” Yes, all caps. Yes, an exclamation point. Though, I guess I shouldn't expect subtlety from a magazine that runs these sorts of shots.
“Look, I'm not a lesbian. I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl — Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands.”Pssst, Megan, there's a name for that – it's bisexual. Hey, I'm just trying to make sure she gets her story straight, so to speak.
Monday, September 15, 2008
While it's hard to beat a bikini, you know whose clip I prefer. (Last name rhymes with gay...ahem.) My favorite line? “I can see Russia from my house!”
And with that, I think it's time to stop talking about she who should not be vice president. She is a distraction, and a dangerous distraction at that. Also, in real life, she is actually not all that funny. Nope, not funny at all.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
What the fuck? Seriously, huh? I go away for 10 days and you go ape shit. And by ape shit, I actually mean simians throwing poo. How did the bespectacled, beehived governor of Alaska become The Issue in this presidential election? Did someone slip something funny into my vacation margaritas and this is all really just a very strange, very bad dream? If so, I’m ready to wake up. Like, now. Like, yesterday. Like, make it stop.
Having observed (more like tried to avoid) the Palinification of this campaign for the past 11 days, I am of two minds as to what to do about this mess you find ourselves in. The big part of me wants to rip my hair out and scream at you, yes you, America. How could you fall into such a misguided and ultimately unrequited girlcrush? Remember back in high school when you had that crush and your friends, your parents, your teachers, your lunch ladies all told you she was totally, completely, dangerously wrong for you and you should just walk away and find a nice, sensible, worthy girl to give your affections to instead? Yeah, it’s like that, only so much more important.
Then there is another, smaller part of me that wants to do a begrudging golf clap to the entire Republican Party for such a brilliantly cynical political move. My God, they’re genius at being evil. I mean, who else could scream SEXISM at even the slightest disagreement over Palin’s credentials when they’re the ones who said Hillary Clinton’s voice reminded every man in America of a nagging wife demanding you “Take out the garbage!”? Who else could cry SMEARS when they’re the ones who put out an ad so patently false and sleazily misleading that every major news organization has decried its accuracy? Who is suddenly OUTRAGED by questions into a candidate’s personal life when they lead the torch-wielding mob that went after Obama for his ex-pastor Jeremiah Wright and spread the ridiculous rumors about him being a secret Muslim? They did. They did. They so fucking did. Shit, you have to hand it to those crafty elephants, they've got big brass ones when it comes to being utterly shameless. So I can see how you might get fooled at first glance, America, by their diabolical ways. But you and I both know that the truth still matters.
Look, America, I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye but you must know that deep down, I really do love you. I think you’ve got unlimited potential and a great big heart. And, most importantly, I know you’re not this dumb. So you're going to see though all of this devious spin and make a smart choice for your future. For now I’m going to give you some time to get over this little infatuation. Moon over she who should not be vice president as Charlie Gibson undoubtedly will lobs some softballs her way on TV tonight. I'm not worried. Clearly this just a phase (and not the gay kind of phase because we all know those are permanent). But come November 4, please promise me that this whole thing will be out of your system. I can't bear to see you throw yourself at someone else who is clearly not good enough for you. Remember the Dubya debacle? No one wants to see you you waste another eight years of your life on a mistake. I only say this because I care.
p.s. Sarah Haskins totally agrees with me. So if you won't listen to me, America, please listen to the only sane Sarah in this scenario.
UPDATE: Oh, and just in case the sensible Sarah or I inspired you to "Just say no," check out Women Against Sarah Palin.
[Hat tip, Debbie and Jill!]
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
I don't know who that dude is, but I don't like him. Get away from her. You're not worthy! Sorry, there goes that irrationality again. [Hat tip, Collins!]