Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
OH. MY. GOD. That was awesome, er, I mean wrong. That was incredibly awesome, sorry, I mean terribly sexist. That was totally freaking awesome! Dammit, I mean inexcusably offensive. Shit, who am I kidding? That was fucking genius. That, my friends, was “Bitch Slap.” [Wonderbra snap (in lieu of hat tip), to babsf!]
And, guess what, I haven't even told you the best part. Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor appear in cameos as – wait for it, wait for it – nuns! Yes, that's right – Xena and Gabrielle are together again. See what I was saying about genius?
Called a modern-day B-movie exploitation film, “Bitch Slap” comes to us from former producers/directors of “Xena: Warrior Princess” and “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys” (Kevin Sorbo also appears...I'm sensing a trend). They've dubbed it a “feminist, thinking man's, wild and crazy over-the-top exploitation film.” I don't know about all that, but I do know there is a little person who plays a female assassin named “Hot Pocket.”
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
What can I say, I'm a sucker for a gal who stops by to say “hi.” Plus, gosh, that “Wasted” song sounds awfully familiar.
Monday, July 28, 2008
As we loyal followers of the Buffyverse take a moment to gloat, let me tell you exactly how spectacularly gloat-worthy this win actually was. The Buffster not only survived but dominated five rounds of online voting and took on the biggest superheroes in – and I am in no way exaggerating – the universe. She beat out:
Round One – Thor (easy peasy, dude just has a hammer)
Sweet Sixteen – Batman (her first big test, and she kicked bat boy’s butt)
Elite Eight – Silver Surfer (might as well have been Matthew McConaughey, dude surfs for a living)
Final Four – Superman (Man of Steel meet Mr. Pointy)
Title Match – Spider-Man (his claim to fame: stickiness…you do the math)
She beat Spidey 85 percent to 15 percent. Hundreds of thousands of fans voted, and along the way to the title Buffy knocked off three No. 1 seeds (Batman, Superman, Spider-Man). Can anyone say mandate?
What makes her win all the more impressive is that she beat an array of super-MEN along the way. Out of a field of 32 superheroes, she was one of only six women. Make no mistake, that Buffy is a female is a big part of her hero status. She is the subversive choice among the temples to testosterone. Buffy is a small, young, blonde woman. And, dude, she just kicked all the boys’ asses, not to mention assorted women, vampires, demons, sorcerers, ghosts, trolls, robots, reptile boys…you get the picture.
Into every generation a slayer is born. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One. One born with the strength and skill to fight the male-dominated superhero genre, to stop the spread of their sexism and the swell of their misogynistic imagery. She is the Slayer. And she is the best.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Scully was the eternal skeptic, the perfect foil to Mulder's eager believer. She never once traded on her sexuality instead of her smarts. Sure she got rescued sometimes, but she also did the rescuing right back. Even today, 15 years after Dana Scully first entered our collective conscious, a female character like hers is the exception rather than the rule on television. We have Anderson's portrayal, at once so cerebral and centered but also searching and sensitive, to thank for keeping Scully true through all the twists and turns, conspiracies and cigarette smoking men, aliens and abductions. While I'm still not sure I believe in little green men, I know I believe in her. Happy weekend, all.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
First, the Showgirl herself Elizabeth Berkley will join the show for a multi-episode arc as “the straight girl that got away from (Bette) in college.” I think my thoughts on this casting are best summed up by a quote from Elizabeth's own Jessie Spano. “I'm so excited, I'm so excited...I'm so SCARED!”
Though, I'm not going to lie, the possibility of some kind of high kitsch “Flashdance” versus “Showgirls” Beals/Berkley dance-off fills me with inexplicable glee. All of a sudden I feel like Christopher Walken on “Saturday Night Live” with the cow bell. “We need more stripper pole!”
And in older, but no less holy hell news, “The L Word” is dead, long live the The L Word Spin-Off. Showtime brass announced that TLW will live on in spirit after Season 6 as an online crossover show centered around a yet-to-be-named cast member that could, if the executives like it, turn into a full-fledged televised spin-off for the cable channel. Want me to vague that up a little more for ya? So few details, so many lesbians hanging on every single one.
Already folks are petitioning for their favorites (hello, Tibetters, I got your note!) But I have this sneaking suspicion that no matter how much we want it to be one of the original cast members (please let it be Alice, please let it be Alice, please let it be Alice...), the new show will end up focusing on one of the more recent or more peripheral characters – like, say, Jodi or Tasha or Molly or Dylan or, shudder, Papi (all of whom will be back for the final season, by the way). I base this absolutely, positively, 100 percent on nothing more than my gut instinct. But that could also just be the Chinese food I had for dinner gurgling.
So, my chickadees, who should Mama Chaiken choose? And, more importantly, since Elizabeth is already coming do you think there's any way we could also get Gina Gershon as a package deal? Hey, it doesn't hurt to ask.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
So, like it or not, I watched along. And most of the time I liked it. I really, really liked it. Never mind that the women were generations older than me. They were saucy and smart, brash and beyond taking any bullshit. Dorothy, Blanche, Rose and Sophia were like everyone's dream grandmothers, and great-grandmothers. They were the queens of snark before everyone was snarky. And the smallest but the snarkiest was always Sophia.
Later, in college and as an adult, I came to appreciate the Girls on a whole other level. Who among us has not had that conversation with their gay boyfriends about who was which “Girl?” No big surprise, I was always pegged a Dorothy. But it took someone very special to be a Sophia. It took a tiny force of nature. And, to be perfectly honest, no one could ever compare to the amazing Ms. Estelle Getty. The woman could sling the one-liners with the best of them. So the news yesterday of her passing at age 84 left a hole as big as she was tiny in my heart. I'm going to sit down and have a slice of cheesecake in her honor today. Grab a fork and join me around the kitchen table, won't you.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
p.s. Yes, I noticed. She is wearing a vest as a top and is smug about being childless. Set gaydar to “stun,” everyone.
Monday, July 21, 2008
But that doesn't mean a particularly highfalutin word can't stop me in my tracks now and then. As if I needed more reasons to love Emma Thompson, she had to go out and break out a $1.10-word in her Proust Questionnaire answers for Vanity Fair this month.
Things were going along jovially, with a bit of Emma's trademark wit and good-natured self deprecation. (She called her “dimply thighs” the thing she liked least about her appearance and “cleanliness” the most overrated virtue.). And then, holy Shakespeare, out came the big one.
What is the quality you most like in a man?Time to break out the Merriam-Webster again:
“excessively fond of or submissive to a wife”
How could you not swoon? How could you not absolutely swoon?
Friday, July 18, 2008
You can see why producers picked Summer Glau to play Cameron on “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.” There is something at once smooth and possibly too perfect about her, yet also searching and sensitive. Oh, right, and she can totally kick ass. As a sucker for almost any show featuring strong women, my watching T:SCC is a no-brainer. Heck it's practically a dream come true: Lena and Summer? I've got the vapors.
Sure, the first season had its flaws. But Cameron kept what could have been a one-note role (blast, smash, terminate) into about as layered as a robot can get. If her role as River Tam in the short-lived “Firefly” and its film “Serenity” weren't enough to permanently cement our collective geek-girl crushes on her, her take on Cameron should seal the deal. The bendy doesn't hurt either. Also, dude, she's wearing a tank top and suspenders. Any woman wearing a tank top and suspenders automatically goes to the front of the crush line. Happy weekend, all.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Oh, Helen, you've always been the sauciest of minxes. But what is possibly even more impressive than her (enviable/rocking/stomach so flat you could serve flapjacks on it) body is the confidence she shows by getting out there with her bad self in that bright red bikini. Apparently the shots have caused quite a stir in British press. Though, really, we shouldn't be that shocked. Sixty isn't ancient. And Helen has always been sexy. Put that together and it only makes sense that she's sexy at 60. In our overly Botoxed age of silicon and collagen, it's beyond refreshing to see a woman who embraces her age and says, “Damn right, and I look good.” She sure does. All hail the queen!
p.s. For those uninitiated, Helen could be considered the queen of getting her kit off. In fact this dame could have an entire Naked Lady Monday in her honor. Wait, now there's an idea...
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
For those unfamiliar, Dr. Horrible (HIMYM's Neil Patrick Harris) is an inept supervillain who dreams of being accepted into the Evil League of Evil on his video blog. His nemesis is the narcissistic superhero Captain Hammer (Firefly's Nathan Fillion) who cares more about his hair than innocent bystanders. They both want the same adorable red-head (
Willow Felicia Day, a potential from Buffy Season 7). There Joss goes again, twisting clichéd formulas and making them into something refreshing and new. The bad guy is good. The good guy is bad. Um, did I mention the singing?
Go check it out immediately, if not sooner. Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog also has a blog. Gosh, ain't The Internets meta. (
My international friends will need to be a little patient and/orInternational problem fixed, yay! You can also fork over a couple bucks to download the video from iTunes.) Get a taste of it here from the teaser. Yummy, no?
Part II comes out Thursday and the finale Part III comes out Saturday. Move, second hand, move! The wait, it burns!!
I know I was all solidarity now! during the Writers Strike, but if stuff like this is the result I say bring on the picket lines. (Just kidding. Strikes are bad. Very, very bad. They need to be punished. And not in the good porn way. Wait...where was I?)
Go watch! Mwah-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ah-ah! Or something.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
p.s. Poor No. 5, she must feel so left out. There, there, dear. Feist still loves you.
Monday, July 14, 2008
So, got a favorite? I must admit, no one wears a top hat like Marlene wears a top hat. Le Sigh.
Friday, July 11, 2008
The film works on so many levels: a romance, an adventure, an eco-warning and a metaphor for the human condition. It’s that last bit that takes “Wall•E” from merely insanely adorable to out-and-out genius. Like the Tin Man before him, Wall•E is every man (or woman) in search of a heart. What Wall•E wants from Eve is so simple – to hold her hand and have it held back. No, I’m not crying. I’ve got something in my eye. I swear. Really.
Bundle in the brilliant animation, limited dialogue, gentle humor and wondrous story and you have a movie that anyone from 5 to 95 could enjoy. The film’s scope is sweet and satisfying, yet not without something important to say. While laughing along with Wall•E and Eve, we see clearly through their outsider eyes the best and worst in all of us. It’s more than a tad bit ironic that a movie about machines might help us find more of our own humanity. Also, good God, they’re cute. Happy weekend, all.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Hey, honey. I just wanted to write you a quick note to check in just in case you'd been feeling a tad ignored lately. Let me assure you, you are still my No. 1 gal. You're the tops. You're the best. You're the one.
OK, sure, there might have been other ones, too. It's not that I've been unfaithful, it's just that the world is filled with so many smart, amazing and hilarious women. So, yeah, I've thought about it. And maybe I've even flirted a little. Fine, a lot. I am only human, after all.
Look, it's not like you made things easy for me either. All those other women shamelessly lusting after you. They're practically throwing themselves at your feet. But do you rebuff their worship? Noooooo. Plus, it's not like you've returned any of my calls. Or replied to any of my letters. And, really, was that restraining order absolutely necessary?
But, you know I can't stay mad at you. Not when you give me one of your geeky little grins. All that other stuff just becomes so much water under the bridge when you have a love like ours. I know you only call the cops on me because you care. I want you to know that you have nothing to fear. My eyes may wander, but my heart will never stray. Though, maybe you should keep the glasses on – just in case.
p.s. Seriously sweetie, glasses or not, any gal with a badonkadonk like this, well, she's a keeper. My baby's got back. DAY-YUM!
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
That last bit tends to get in the way with some folks. Like, say, The Washington Post’s Howard Kurtz. His column yesterday wasn’t about her new promotion. It wasn’t about her perspective on the war. It wasn’t about her many accomplishments. No, instead it was about her sex life. You see, while stationed in Iraq for the last four years, Lara had the audacity to have a personal life. And now, she is unexpectedly pregnant. Her partner and father of her child is a married, but separated, American contractor she met while in Iraq. Alert the press! Quelle scandal! Where are those Scarlet Letters when you need them!
The tabloids latched onto this “story” first. But Kurtz’s column reads more like the National Enquirer than the paper of Woodward and Bernstein. Before he gets to anything more than her cursory job title, I know the names of and circumstances surrounding her last three relationships. First there was her husband, though they had long-ago separated. Then she had an “intense relationship” with another journalist in Baghdad that ended in November. And then her new partner, a federal contractor she had been friends with before.
Kurtz makes sure to assure us that they “plan to get married eventually” and then, only then, does he bother to list any of her actual credentials. His column dissolves further into the kind of tawdry he said/she said ugly divorce trash normally relegated to the pages of supermarket rags. We even get a quote from her partner’s estranged wife who called Lara’s promotion “a slap in the face to everyone who believes in marriage.”
The thing is, would they ever run a story like this on a male correspondent’s personal life? Would the specter of “homewrecker” come up with a male reporter? Would an “unplanned” pregnancy be an issue for a male journalist? Would any of this even be on The Washington Post’s radar if Lara wasn’t beautiful?
I’ve never read any mainstream press coverage of the fact that Keith Olbermann has a 24-year-old live-in girlfriend. He is 49, by the way, which means the age difference between them is older than she is. No mainstream media has had the nerve to poke through Anderson Cooper’s closet to see exactly what he has hiding in there. (My guess, chaps and a harness – who’s your daddy, Coop?) And the sundry details of Bill O’Reilly and his loofah fetish are, well – OK, actually I’m glad those never got more widely publicized. Shudder.
What makes Lara’s story different? Because she is a woman? Because she is unwed and pregnant? Because she is beautiful? What fucking century is this, again?
The only good news out of this is that Lara, clearly, has bigger and more important things on her mind than the salacious selling of her private life. Her appearance last month on The Daily Show showed that she is the kind of woman who has, what my grandma used to call, “a good head on her shoulders.” Sure, my grandma might not like all the cussing, but I fucking love it. I think I might also love her, just a little. OK, a lot.
Seriously, how fantastic is she? So fantastic I’m going to have to start watching CBS News again. No wonder the good ’ol boys media club is up in arms about her. She is smarter than them. She is stronger than them. And she is a hell of a lot sexier than them.