Friday, June 27, 2008

My Weekend Crush

For Pride Weekend I usually like to feature a gay Weekend Crush. But I think this year I’ll make an exception. Because, while she may not be one of us, Cyndi Lauper is totally with us. She has been an ardent and adamant supporter of GLBT rights throughout her career. But it’s more than just that. Cyndi has been a life-long champion for every girl who was ever called “so unusual.” She was different. She was bold. She wrote a song about female masturbation. In short, she fucking rocks.

It was my father, of all people, who actually first noticed her. While lazily watching MTV one afternoon, Cyndi’s video for “Time After Time” came on. I wasn’t really paying attention. I think I was too engrossed in my Tiger Beat and preadolescent crush on Michael J. Fox (What? If you squint he looks kind of like a butch girl). My dad was working in the background and stopped to listen. “Who is that? I like that.” And, after I stopped to listen, so did I.

Now all these years later, it’s been a trip to find myself, in some minuscule way, part of her world. That she would take the time to give my silly little site a shout out (two even!) along with countless others is a testament to her dedication to our cause. This weekend, I’m head out to the True Colors Tour to feel beautiful like a rainbow with Cyndi and friends. There probably won’t be a post on Monday as a result. But, I think it’s a worthy excuse. And I have my dad to thank for all of it. He died four years ago today. I think this crush is really for him. Happy pride and happy weekend, all.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Peaches & Piggy

Maybe it’s just me or maybe I’m just really, really ready for Pride this weekend, but I think this is the most brilliantly mesmerizing 2 minutes and 30 seconds I’ve witnessed in quite some time. It’s so wrong that it’s right. I give you: Miss Piggy, Peaches and “Fuck the Pain Away.” If that’s not awesome, then what the fuck is?

(Umm, clearly, NSFW. Headphones, people, headphones.)

[Hat tip, Shakesville!]

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals: Fight Club

Yes, my pretties, they’re ALL coming back this week. First Naked Lady Monday. Then Tank Top Tuesday. And now Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals (or SGALGG as it’s affectionately known by people who like acronyms that sound like someone is choking on a piece of toast). But this isn’t just any SGALGG, this is SGALGG: Special Hotties Unit. Sorry, that was bad. But what’s not bad is the love that dare speak its name between Mariska Hargitay and Maria Bello. Look at those two lovebirds.But it seems that Mariska and Maria aren’t exclusive “special friends.” They’ve also got warm, fuzzy, SGALGG-y feelings for a lot of other ladies. In fact, it’s almost like they’re competing for unstraightest straight gal bragging rights. So, what we’ve got here in our first-ever SGALGG-Off. Let’s compare and contrast what makes each moment SGALGG-worthy and see who comes out the victor, shall we? Are you ready? And…Fight! [Click each round to enlarge the SGALGGitude.]

Round One: Maria

  1. Because she’s hugging Trinity, that’s why.
  2. Because of the hair, sweet Sappho, the hair.
  3. Because the look on Felicity Huffman’s face totally says she showed hubbie William H. Macy exactly how it should be done with Maria for that scene in “The Cooler.”
  4. Because a tank top and suspenders.
Round One: Mariska
  1. Because Elisabeth Rohm is rounding second base.
  2. Because everyone wants to play Naughty Nurse with Nurse Hathaway.
  3. Because she is clutching Hilary Swank like she really is a million-dollar baby.
  4. Because whatever she is doing to Jean Smart, Allison Janney approves.
Winner of Round One: Maria – come on the hair, the suspenders, the Trinity.

Round Two: Maria
  1. Because she’s making Emily Blunt blush.
  2. Because Maggie Grace will be gay for pay.
  3. Because Joely Fisher was on a little show called “Ellen.”
  4. Because no straight woman would wear this to a movie premiere.
Round Two: Mariska
  1. Because standing thisclose to Stephanie March would turn any woman gay.
  2. Because Marlee Matlin got to kiss Jennifer Beals, repeatedly.
  3. Because she is hugging Rosie O’Donnell while waving a latex glove.
  4. Because Jodie Foster is totally thinking what I’m thinking.
Winner of Round Two: Mariska – Rosie, Jodie and latex, need I say more?

So ladies, who takes it? Who’s the undisputed heavyweight champion of SGALGG? Or maybe we should just watch them fight some more. Wait, did I just say that out loud?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Tank Top Tuesday

Forgive me Internets, for I have sinned. It’s been three weeks since my last Tank Top Tuesday. While I fear this may in fact be a mortal online sin, I hope this week’s edition will be enough to absolve me in the eyes of The Blogiverse. And what lovely, lovely penance it is. In the name of The Al Gore, The Interwebs and The Holy Tank Top, amen.

Michelle KrusiecRosario DawsonShannyn SossamonJennifer CarpenterPatricia VicoErin DanielsZooey Deschanel

[Click any to...oh, you know the drill]

Monday, June 23, 2008

Naked Lady Monday

It’s back! Yes, Naked Lady Monday is back. Totally, totally back – well, make that backs. Maybe I should have called it Naked Lady Backs. Today we celebrate the female back in all its divine poetry. I could follow the elegant slope of a woman’s back forever. In fact, if there is a heaven, that would be what I want mine to look like. Just one long, delicious curve that ends in nirvana. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, the female back is my second favorite part of the female body. Why? It’s just damn sexy. Period.

Emily BluntAnna FrielNicole KidmanKate WinsletLiv TylerMonica BellucciVanessa Paradis[Click any, all to enlarge. Hat tip, Sinful-Caesar for the yum.]

Ms. Snarker submits to the Editrix

Ms. Snarker, Editrix. Editrix, Ms. Snarker. Just in case you wanted to know about some of my grammatical peccadilloes (ahem), here are my “5 Questions With...” answers at the Editrix. Past answerees have included Frank McCourt, Sarah Waters, Harry Shearer, Susie Bright and many, many more people infinitely more qualified than me. Or is it I? No, me. Damn you, grammar.

Friday, June 20, 2008

My Weekend Crush

All this marriage talk this week got me thinking about great couples, onscreen and off. And one of the greatest to bridge both was Bogart and Bacall. OK, fine, there was that kinda creepy 25-year age difference. But their chemistry was unstoppable. Bacall was the sassy yin to Bogart’s gruff yang. I think it worked because Lauren Bacall always seemed older, wiser and possibly just a little bit wickeder than her age would let on. A star at 20, Bacall was and continues to be wonderfully, unapologetically assertive. “You know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow.” If I was Bogey, I would have fallen in love on the spot, too. “The Look.” The voice. The way she lit a cigarette. She made them all instantly iconic. Through the years, she has remained off screen much like her onscreen persona: smart, sultry and quick with a snappy retort. Take one of her interviews with Larry King.
Bacall: “I’m a total Democrat. I’m anti-Republican. And it’s only fair that you know it.”
King: “Wait a minute. Are you a liberal?”
Bacall: “I’m a liberal. The L word!”

Ah, if only. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

LOLlesbians: Here, kitty-kitty

It’s been a fun week here at Surrenders. Funny women. Cowboy nuptials. (I’m just going to ignore the potentially pregnant lesbians storyline. Harumph.) So I thought I’d keep the joy going with some lesbian-friendly LOLcats. Because if there’s one thing lesbians love, it’s their cats. And what’s better than cats? Cats ‘n’ racks. Here, kitty-kitty indeed.

[Hat tip, Anna for the LOLcatx2]

Share ’em if ya got ’em. So me your puss… Nah, even I can’t go there.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Love. Love. Love.

Today’s post instructions:

  1. Click play above.
  2. View photos below.
  3. Feel the love.
Mazel tov, California. Mazel tov.

Interview’s on

[Click to meet Lisa, the Big Bad Lesbian of Season 4.]

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I do … think you’re hilarious

I think I’m in love. This is perfect timing given that yesterday my great state of California began officially performing gay marriages. But maybe wait on sending anything off our as-yet unregistered registry. There’s a wrinkle in our potential wedded bliss. It seems that, sadly, my object d’amour is probably not gay. Sigh. Isn’t that always the way, ladies?

Regardless, my latest writer/funny lady crush is a one-sided love that dare speak its name. And who is she? She is none other than Sarah Haskins.

Who is Sarah Haskins, you ask? Well, you’re not the only one asking. So did Salon. And so did The Bastion. And so did a lot of feminist bloggers who saw and immediately fell head over heels (or in lesbian’s case, sensible shoes) for her. Pretty much, this is all you need to know. She works for the cable TV channel Current (Al Gore’s station). She is part of their news/comedy show InfoMania and has a segment called “Target Women.” She is smart. She is funny. She is feminist. She hates when you use your Blackberry mid-flight. And she’s not afraid to appear in front of God and The Internets in just a sports bra.

Love, true love. That blessed arrangement. That dream within a dream...

So please enjoy her handiwork. But you can’t have her (even though, again, she’s probably straight). She’s mine!

On Yogurt:

It’s that I have a masters but then I got married look.

On Wedding Shows:

They put the We in wedding and the End in Feminism.

On Suffrage:

It’s like a Hallmark card: On the occasion of losing the presidency.

Like I was saying, I think it’s definitely love. Look for those invitations in the mail.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g...

[Spoilers, spoilers Will Robinson! “Grey’s Anatomy” spoilers!]

Once again, I am going to preface this post by saying that these are just rumors and speculations. The rumors come from TV Guide (soon-to-be EW) scoopmeister Michael Ausiello, who is as close as you come to a reliable source in this department. The speculations come from me. OK, last chance spoilerphobes. Leave now or forever hold your peace.
From his May 28 Ask Ausiello:
Question: Grey's scoop, please!
Ausiello: I hear someone may be preggers — and that someone shared a red-hot smooch in the finale!

To which I say, “Nooooooooooooo!”

Now, I can’t be the only one who thinks the “red-hot smooch” couple in question is Callie and Erica. The Meredith/McDreamy kiss was more romantic. The Izzie/Alex kiss was more desperate. The rest were tangential. Judge for yourself which was “red-hot.”

I don’t even watch/like Grey’s, but I appreciate a well-written lesbian/bisexual storyline as much as the next gal. That kiss was genuine. That kiss was hot. That kiss was genuinely hot.

Sadly, I can also smell a pregnant lesbian storyline coming from miles away. Empirical evidence aside, a Callie or Erica pregnancy simply seems more feasible within the context of the show. I mean, come on, is Shonda Rhimes really going to make Pompeo or Heigl pregnant next season? Seriously, think about it.

Of course, I could be wrong. I could be very, incredibly, completely wrong. And let’s hope that I am. But if I am not wrong then, dude, what the fuck?

Must the pregnant lesbian storyline be TV’s go-to plot point for the Sapphically inclined? What is it about lesbians that makes writers automatically think procreation? Is it that they see two women together and immediately assume that means double the maternal instinct? Or is it just easier to desexualize them by making them all about the kiddies?

Look, I have nothing against real-life pregnant lesbians. In fact, mazel tov! But the pregnant couple/custody battle/insemination struggle lesbian storyline is beyond old and moldy (and not in that good exotic French cheese kind of way). Just off the very tippy-top of my head I can rattle off “Friends,” “ER,” “Queer as Folk,” “The Wire,” “Exes & Ohs,” “The L Word,” “Cashmere Mafia” and that doesn’t even include TV movies or guest appearances.

The ridiculous overuse of the pregnant lesbian storyline denies the rich array of other experiences in our relationships between the k-i-s-s-i-n-g, then love, then marriage and then – finally – a baby in a baby carriage.

So, you know, let’s just hope I’m wrong.

Finale recap’s on

[Click the goddess Padma for the finale recap.]

First, many, many, many, many thanks to all of you who have slogged through the Top Chef recaps with me. Thank you for reading, thank you for commenting, thank you for being as Padma obsessed as I am. It’s been a long 14 episodes, but I couldn’t be happier with the outcome. And, don’t worry, I’ll still find some way to post about Padma. Like, did y’all hear her funny interpretation of what GLBT stood for? “A Great BLT!” Now that’s our gal!

Friday, June 13, 2008

My Weekend Crush

Women who kick ass in the kitchen have been on my mind of late. Stephanie’s triumph and Lisa’s vindication (yeah, I said vindication – I’m no hater) were exhilarating to watch on “Top Chef” this week. Sure, so was Padma, but that’s just a given. Another woman who has quietly, consistently, unquestionably kicked ass in the kitchen has been Cat Cora. She is so many things. The executive chef of Bon Appetit. The first (and still only) female Iron Chef. The author of two cookbooks. The founder of the philanthropic Chefs for Humanity. The mother of two. The partner of Jennifer. And, you know, a hottie. (Also, for the love of Pete, how cute is Cat posing with cats?)

I, as you all know by now, love me some cooking shows. And “Iron Chef America” is one of the best. I particularly love it when Cat competes against the boys. Sometimes she wins, sometimes she loses. But what she proves is that women can go toe-to-toe with the culinary elite. Good food knows no gender. It’s ironic, really, that the rarefied world of haute cuisine should be so dominated by men. Women are, after all, most associated with cooking. But, of course, that’s just home cooking so that doesn’t count. Well, screw that. A woman’s place doesn’t have to be in the kitchen. But that doesn’t mean she can’t run one and be damn good at it. Happy weekend, all.