Friday, August 31, 2007
p.s. For more on Jodie’s smoking spread for W magazine, along with more interviews, more photos and more reasons to thank the universe for the existence of white tank tops, check out the AfterEllen Blog on Tuesday.
So, I’ve been tired and stressed and cranky all damn week. But this, this lifted my spirits immeasurably. Watch Feist and her all-star indie chorus (including members of Broken Social Scene, The National, Grizzly Bear, The New Pornographers, Mates Of State and Nicole Atkins) perform “1234” on Letterman earlier this week. I can’t think of a better way to kick start a long holiday weekend than with a little irrepressible, irresistible hipster glee. Sing along if you know the words. And don’t forget to clap.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
So what was up with all the Monday morning outings? I guess the only thing better than kicking your work week off with a celebrity scandal is kicking your work week off with a gay celebrity scandal. Not that there is much scandal to speak of here, just unsubstantiated gossip and more examples of the Standing Next To Someone Gay Makes You Gay Rule.
I’d heard whispers about Mel B (a.k.a. Scary Spice and/or Eddie Murphy’s unacknowledged baby mamma) for a while now. But I’d never heard them in quite so much, uh, detail. Hello, TMI. I need a shower now, and not in a good way. I love how the two ladies she allegedly had a two-year, three-way relationship with are selling their salacious interview under the guise of “We’re very worried about Mel.” Cause, you know, I always tell national newspapers about the sexual peccadilloes of the people I’m “really worried about.” I’m a good friend like that.
As for the Wentworth rumors, those have been swirling for a while as well. And now the irrefutable evidence seems to be, uhm, him walking with/sitting with/sharing the same oxygen with someone who is gay. Wentworth walked and drove with T.R. Knight’s ex-boyfriend, stop the presses! In all fairness, Towleroad told people not to jump top conclusions after posting the shots. But jumping to conclusions is the raison d’être of the blogophere, so no such restraint was shown in re-reporting the earth-shattering news of two men strolling down the street together.
And, finally, the Jake news. Apparently, if you can believe the guy who first brought us Lindsay Lohan’s Lesbian Adventures, Jake is going to come out with his long-term boyfriend very soon and announce that they are expecting a child by surrogate this September. The best part about this rumor is that while the “source” is dead-on sure about the baby’s impending birth, he can’t tell us if Jake’s partner is his actor friend or his chef friend or some other friend to be named later. So, Jakey Junior has two daddies, they just have no damn clue who one of them is.
Look, I have no idea whether these fine folks are gay or not. But what I do know is these “stories” are beyond silly. It’s like gay is the new rehab. To which I say, no, no no.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Oh. My. God. If you’ve ever beaten yourself up for blowing an interview, take heart. There is no way you could have blown it this badly. Please witness Miss South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton explaining why a fifth of Americans can’t even find America on a world map during this past weekend’s Miss Teen USA Pageant. The most frightening thing? She finished third-runner up. That means out of 51 total contestants, there were 47 other girls even worse than her. You’re looking at the future of “U.S. Americans” here, people. Weep for our country, cause we’re doomed.
Friday, August 24, 2007
It has been said often that true genius is touched by madness. Billie Holiday. Edith Piaf. Janis Joplin. What is it about the sirens that makes them suffer so? Winehouse aches with talent. But it’s the woman herself that fascinates us most. Underneath the behemoth beehive is someone who is honest to a fault. Yet her hedonism seems to come from a place of profound vulnerability. Perhaps that is what draws us to her in the first place. Life is so much more interesting when dismantled. Great for art, not so great for the soul. May she find a healthy balance for both, and find it soon. She may go back to black, but we don’t want her to fade to black forever. Happy weekend, all.
From “The Silence of the Lambs”
“Fucking do the Hokey Pokey!”
From “The Devil Wears Prada”
Falling down works. Every. Single. Time.
From “Finding Neverland”
Peter Pan + the wall = still laughing
Salma + Penelope + cleavage = still drooling
From Evil Nostradamus, a.k.a. Dick Cheney
This would be fucking hilarious if it wasn’t so terribly true.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
So, in classic “Nip/Tuck” fashion, the new season hasn’t even started yet and already it has delivered a potentially infuriating WTF moment. If Watch with Kristin is right, it really sucks:
“Julia (Joely Richardson) and her new girlfriend (played by Ms. Portia de Rossi) -- yes, I said girlfriend -- will be the victims of a violent crime this year. I’m hearing the pair is kidnapped, sexually assaulted and left to deal with the emotional ramifications of the event for many episodes to come.”
Like I said, WHAT THE FUCK?! I was all excited about all the hot lesbian sex Portia and Joely were supposedly going to have together. I mean, sure, they suffer from Lesbian Twin Syndrome, but I’m willing to overlook it in the name of, uh, art. And then this. Why? WHY! God, can’t there be any happy, healthy, sexy, non-pregnant, non-emotionally scarred lesbian couples on TV? Must we all end up in therapy? According to Kristin, sadly, yes:
“I’ve heard the storyline is so dark, it’s one of the darkest in Nip/Tuck’s history and actually involves a hate crime.”
Look, it’s all good and fine and honorable to raise awareness about the horrible, horrible effects of hate. But this is a show about plastic surgery, people. And it’s not a show know for a) it’s deep social activism or b) it’s tact. Ugh. This reminds me why I stopped watching in the first place. I might still tune in for the sex, though. What? I never said I had any tact either.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
As for Kelly, her L Word role sounds like a perfect fit. First, she has experience playing a lawyer, in 1988’s “The Accused.“ Second, she has already gotten seriously Sapphic on screen, in 2000’s “The Monkey’s Mask.” And everybody already knows about her much-rumored on-set affair with Jodie Foster during filming of “The Accused,” right? Like I said, perfect.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
The movie is a fictionalization of the self-help bestseller by the same name which I never read but even some (discerning) lesbians swear by. Scarlett will play a Pilates instructor and aspiring singer who finds herself in love with a married man. The only part about the previous sentence I care about is “Pilates instructor” because that means we can look forward to lots of shots of Scarlett stretching. Oh, my. Scarlett + bendy = Ms. Snarker is just sooo into her.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
What, still not sure? Fine. Click here to solve the mystery.
Damn. Well, if this is truly her, this is just another reason to love her. Anyone who can overcome that kind of youthful awkwardness and grow up to be this hot deserves some kind of medal. And possibly her own parade. I mean it, strike up the band.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
p.s. Good God, how skinny is Portia’s shoulder compared to Joely’s? She better put on some padding before their roll in the sack together or somebody could lose an eye.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Let's talk about your ring.
This one? [Proffers left hand] It's Tiffany, an eternity ring.
You're wearing it on your wedding ring finger.
I am. I've always worn a ring. Even taking photos. Even on magazine covers. I don't take it off.
Don't you think wearing a ring like that raises questions?
Well, but that's my life. I thought about this recently: I had a nightmare the other night. Well, anyway...
C'mon! Let's hear the nightmare!
I was being interviewed by somebody, like an innocuous [press] junket thing. They were asking me questions about food I liked or whatever. Then they said, [in a high, innocent voice] "Have you ever written any homemade anti-Semitic cards?" And I was like, [horrified] "No!" Then she said, "Come with me," and I realized to myself, "You're so stupid. Haven't you ever seen that 60 Minutes thing where they ask you a banal question? You're not supposed to say yes or no. You're supposed to go, 'Well, that's interesting.' Because if they ask you the banal question, it's because they have some kind of document on you. And now you've got to go! And now the camera's going to follow you!" Then my dream was over.
[Pauses and reflects before continuing]
My life is my life. I'm not going to change my life for anybody. I don't have any problems with it. I just don't talk about my health, my dad, who I voted for or what I think of the death penalty, because that would be trivializing my life, selling it for a magazine. I don't have any problems with anybody reporting on my life. It's just that I'm not going to bring my family into that. The number-one reason for that is: Why would I invite -- encourage -- more people to sit outside my door and wait for my children to go to school? I don't have any desire to participate in it.
Do you feel that people appreciate the choice you've made to maintain your privacy?
I don't know if anyone appreciates it now. I'm sure there are all sorts of people who don't like what I've chosen....I think my kids will understand and respect it. In 20 years, people will look back on my life and I'll be 65 and Britney Spears will be 45, and I think by then people will understand the value of privacy.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
EDIT: Damn, two typos in one post. I told you naked ladies were bad for my writing!
EDIT 2: The woman gazing at Charlize is her “Monster” director Patty Jenkins. The beautiful shot is by the late Richard Avedon.
EDIT 3: So, NLM stays. As does the name, Google be damned. Actually, when I searched “naked lady” (research is a bitch, I tell ya) I got mostly a refreshingly porn-free selection of links. Apparently, it’s just old fashioned enough to keep the hard-core horn dogs at bay. At least for now.
OK, are they gone? Can I just say, ohmygod, they killed Clay!! You bastards!!! Sorry, wrong show with a “South” in the title. OK, already season 3 is infinitely more interesting than season 2 (sorry, the season was kind of blah what with the degaying counselor, runaway road trip and hair brushing in lieu of kissage). But, season 3, holy crap, talk about opening with a bang. They killed a member of the Carlin clan. Damn, they’re really taking those “To Live and Die in L.A.” lyrics to heart.
I’m not sure the behind-the-scenes politics of killing off a major character on The N (Did the actor want out? Were they at a loss for how to spice up the teenage pregnancy storyline?)*, but once again a death on SoN is another excuse to bring camera crews on campus. First VH1’s “Behind the Music” and now MTV’s “True Life.” You’d think MTV Networks owned The N or some…oh, wait.
But on to what we care about: Spashley. First we get my-brother- died-and-you-went-to-Europe-and-then-didn’t-call-me-all- summer awkwardness. Then we get kissage -- glorious, glorious kissage. Followed immediately by breakup heartbreak complete with Ashley’s post dumping rehooking up with her hetero ex. Jesus, dyke drama starts young in L.A. I do like that it was Spencer who did the breaking up. Ashley is always hottest when she is in pursuit. And by hot, I mean age-appropriately attractive. Oh, hey, Mandy Musgrave is actually 20, so lust away. Enjoy.
The rest told in equation form since this is high school, yo:
Aiden + emo bangs = vomit
Glenn + screen time = vomit, squared
Ashley + inheritance = trouble
Spencer + Ashley + Aiden = get used to it, this dramarama is gonna be around all season
And two bonus equation based on the latest promo:
Spencer + random girls in bars = potential rebound hotness
Madison + straight girl gaydar = “L.A. is full of young eligible lesbians.” Snicker.
p.s. In case you missed the two-part premiere (301: “The Valley of Shadows,” 302: “Can’t But Me Love”) watch it now at The Click.
p.p.s. A little birdie told me SoN was nominated for Breakout Show in the Teen Choice Awards. So if you’re a teen (or an adult who secretly watches), go get your vote on.
p.p.p.s. * I understand the actor playing Clay was, how do I put this, a homophobic douche and wasn’t comfortable with the Spashley storyline. So, you know, good riddance.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Wonderful: Elizabeth Shue and her gun show. I’ve had a wee crush on Elizabeth since “Adventures in Babysitting.” So, it’s nice to see that 20 years later she’s still a knockout -- both figuratively and literally.
Wrong: Anne Hathaway and her real estate mogul boyfriend Raffaello Follieri. This shot totally looks like a scene from “A Night at the Roxbury,” where Anne is cornered by Raffaello and some creepy old guy at a bar. Of course, being unfailingly polite, she smiles through the skeeziness. Dude, button your damn shirt. You’re in the presence of a lady.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
But the person I truly feel sorry for is poor Anne Hathaway. By all accounts Anne is a lovely young lady. She has the dark hair, milky skin and doe eyes that women around the world would kill for. So, you’d think making her look radiant on a magazine cover would be easy-peasy. Apparently, not so much.
Wow. I’ve never before looked at Ms. Hathaway and thought, “Damn, girlfriend has a lot of teeth.” But I consider this Teen Vogue cover Anna Wintour’s revenge for “The Devil Wears Prada,” so I wasn’t really too surprised. Then I saw these.Bazar made her look like a fashion alien and on Marie Claire dressed her like dental assistant from the Jersey suburbs. Of course, once again, it didn’t have to end like this. Because, Anne -- if given a chance -- can give great cover. Really, really great.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
1. The Sexy Imp (See: Shane McCutcheon)
Selma Blair (top) is working the bed head hard. While she may not be gay, her hair -- at the very least -- experimented in college.
2. The Rock Star (See: Jackie Warner)
Faux hawks ahoy! Rumer Willis (that’s Bruce and Demi’s spawn) and Pink are no doubt receiving thank-you muffin baskets from hair gel manufacturers everywhere.
3. The Bald Butch (See: Sinead, when the was still gay)
Mena Suvari went all Britney on her locks. One can only assume she did this for a role. And by “role” I mean her new girlfriend Ro. I kid, I kid. But, she is coupling her new close crop with a camouflage hoodie and a white tank top. Rather lespicious, no?
4. The Prison Matron (See: Your naughty jail fantasies)
The hair, the jaw line, the scowl, the austere duds -- seems Laura Harris (from the upcoming “Women’s Murder Club”) missed her true calling as a regular on “Bad Girls.”
Monday, August 06, 2007
What better way to ease into your work week than a bunch of beautiful women getting their kits off? And, that they took it all off for a good cause, well that’s just icing on the naked lady cake. In the final edition of Jane magazine, Eva Mendes, Lili Taylor, Joss Stone, Serena Williams, Kate Dillion, Emily Vancamp, Kate Mara and a pregnant Milla Jovovich stripped for the charity Clothes Off Our Backs. All the naughty bits are covered so it’s a very tasteful affair. You know, like looking at classy nudes at a gallery reception, sipping wine and exclaiming loudly to anyone within earshot, “Excellent contrast and the lines are almost architectural” while the whole time you’re really just trying not to stare too long at, well, boobies. See all the lovely ladies bigger and better here. Good luck with the whole not staring thing.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Friday, August 03, 2007
Thursday, August 02, 2007
The new trailer for “I Want Someone To Eat Cheese With” looks funny enough, right? And the title, well, you can’t beat the sentiment. But while I got a chuckle out of seeing portly Jeff Garlin and babelicious Sarah Silverman yuk it up together, it is also a prime example of one of the more gently misogynistic trends in film today. Namely, the rise of the schlubby guy/hot girl romantic comedies. (For reference, please see “Knocked Up.”) Now, this debate has already been far more eloquently and exhaustively discussed on other far more eloquent and exhaustive sites. So, I won’t bore you by throwing my own two little cents into the din.
Instead I’ll just say that while the man-boy slacker meets ambitious-uptight beauty genre is irksome, what irks me most is how the equation almost never gets reversed. We’ve come to a point where Andy Samberg, Seth Rogen and Jack Black are all legitimate leading men. And fine, whatever, good for them I guess. But where is the equal screen time for the female equivalent of your Andys, Seths and Jacks? Where are the funny but average (or downright goofy) looking women and their hunka-hunka burning loves? Look, I’m all for funny folks landing smoking hotties. Just don’t forget the funny gals.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Wow, it seems like forever since I last had a Buffy post. Oh, right, because it has been forever. The newest Buffy Season 8 comic is finally out (actually it came out a week early but I forgot…oops). Issue No. 5 is the first stand-alone storyline of the new series (think monster-of-the-week versus mythology storylines on “The X-Files”). It follows a faux Buffy (one of three) on her road to Slayerhood. See the first six pages here. Looks like a bumpy road.
In other Buffy news, Joss Whedon came, saw and spoiled the crowd at Comic-Con. The highlights:
- Buffy Season 9 is already being plotted (as a comic, ’natch).
- Oz will be coming back in Season 8 (no word on when).
- The long-gestating “Ripper” project may finally be a go. (Joss and Anthony Stewart Head are in talks with the BBC to turn the pre-Buffy Giles spin-off into a 90 minute special.)
And, finally, more tidbits not from Comic-Con, but the TCA’s where former Buffy executive producer/writer Marti Noxon talked a little Slayer. (She was there as one the executive producers of the Grey’s spin-off “Private Practice.”) The highlights, again:
- She would love to write an arc for Season 8 (and feels like it’s only a matter of time before she does).
- If she did, she would love to bring Tara back. (Yes, Tara. Yes, back. Can I get a hallelujah?)